


You're My Muse

by Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobic Slurs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecurity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-16 03:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11245380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder/pseuds/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder
Summary: Jared and Evan had a huge fight at the beginning of their senior year. Now, a little over a year later, they're both attending the same college. Evan haunts the library because of his roommate and Jared haunts the library because of his job. Both boys want to rebuild their shattered relationship, wanting to go back to being friends, or maybe more.Evan is happily double majoring in agriculture and botany, not exactly sure what he wants to do. On a whim, Jared decided to major in photography, and he loves it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first time writing these cuties, so let me know what you think!  
> Jared might be a little ooc because he's super shy and insecure (it'll be explained why as the story goes on).  
> So I'm trying to decide if I should make this a sincerely three fic or not, let me know what you guys think!  
> Also apparently I can't be succinct to save my life so this is gonna be a pretty long fic i think.

Evan disliked his roommate--scratch that, Evan hated his roommate.  _ Richard.  _ Even his name pointed to the fact he was a dick. He booted Evan from the room at all hours--really whenever he wanted to have a girl over. So most nights Evan found himself in the undergraduate library, hiding from the rest of the student body. 

At least it sort of helped with his anxiety about not getting all his work done because in the library there wasn’t really much else to do but work or read. He’d worked ahead in most of his classes, completing assignments off the syllabus just to have something to do. 

Tonight was different though, for some reason he found himself just  _ tired  _ of working on school work. So, he fell back on his favorite fascination; trees. The library had a rather sizeable botany section, with an entire shelf just for trees. Apparently Dendrology was a popular enough to warrant an entire bookshelf--granted it was a small bookshelf, but a bookshelf nonetheless. 

Evan tries not to jump up and down with glee when he starts examining all the titles, most of them were not books he had previously read. He decides to just start at the beginning, pulling out a book entitled  _ American Canopy: Trees, Forests, And The Making of A Nation.  _ He opens the book, already reading the first few pages. 

~~~

Jared had a love-hate relationship with his off-campus apartment. He loved having the entire place to himself, but he detested the long walk to and from class and his job in the library. He liked the peace of shelving the books, and he could sit and work while waiting for the return bin in his section to fill up. 

He’d noticed that Evan had been frequenting the library more and more, but had yet to work up the courage to say something. Evan was frequently working, but tonight it looked as if he was pleasure reading. He was engrossed in a book, his eyes flying over the paper. 

Jared was working on his photography class project, editing some of his better pictures. He had to take 200 pictures a week and turn in the best 20. Most of his pictures were of scenery, very few of them containing people. 

Unwittingly, Jared found his eyes darting up to look at Evan, he hadn’t moved all night. Jared looks at his watch, it was already after midnight and well approaching one o’clock. That alone raised a number of questions. Evan hated walking alone, especially in the dark. Without thinking about it, or it registering that Evan would know they went to the same school, Jared’s feet were in motion. 

Evan looked up, caught off guard when someone pulled out the chair across from him. His look of surprise only increased when he realized it was Jared who was sitting across from him. 

“E-Evan. I, uh, shit, fuck. Sorry. I--” Jared doesn’t know what to say. What did you say to someone when the last words you had said to them a year ago were ‘fuck you’? 

Evan’s brows were furrowed, “J-Jared, what, um, what’re you doing here?” He sounded more confused than anything, and Jared considered that a small victory.

“Well, you see, I might, um, work here? And I might’ve noticed that you, um, you come here a lot?” He winces and smacks his hand on his forehead when it comes out wrong. “Shit. Fuck. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. Um. Sorry,” he doesn’t elaborate and Evan just stares at him, confused, setting his book aside. Jared tries to look at the title but Evan shoves it behind some school bags and out of his line of sight. 

Evan was fidgeting nervously, he wanted to apologize to Jared, still feeling guilty over the way things ended between them. 

“Um, please don’t--please don’t be freaked out, but I’ve noticed that you come here a lot at night, and you stay really late, and, um, is--is everything okay with your roommate--er sorry, it’s not really my place to ask that.” Jared wasn’t sure where exactly he was going with it but then Evan’s giggling a little bit and blushing darkly as he tries to cover it up with a cough. 

“Sorry, it’s just, um, I noticed that you--that you apologize almost as much as I do?” He’s looking down at his lap, avoiding Jared’s gaze as his face heats up. He coughs nervously, “R-right, sorry, I’m h-here b-because my roommate, he’s k-kinda a d-dick,” he snickers to himself, only serving to further Jared’s confusion, “a-and he k-kicks me out wh-when he wants to have g-girls over.” 

“And this happens often?” Jared was looking at him concerned. Evan just shrugs slightly, still not looking at him. “Y-you know--” he’s cut off by Evan’s phone vibrating loudly on the surface of the table. Evan looks between him and the phone nervously, unsure what to do. “It’s fine, you can check it, I’m sure--” he snaps his mouth closed, not wanting things to be like they were in high school. 

Evan looks at him nervously before quickly looking at the screen on his phone. “I-it was my roommate, t-telling me I could come b-back.” He’s shuffling his things around awkwardly, almost packing up, but not wanting to be to blatant about it. 

“H-hey, I, um, I remember how you used to, um, you used to not like to walk alone in the dark, and I could, um I could walk you back, and then walk to my apartment?” 

Evan freezes and Jared’s heart stopped. Oh God, he’d just overstepped and now Evan was going to think he was weird and horrible and he’d never want to speak to Jared again. Shit, he’s been talking this whole time and Jared’s just been spacing.

“S-sorry, um, what--what did you say?” He blinks quickly, trying to refocus on their conversation. 

“Oh, um, I-I said I didn’t want to be, um, be an inconvenience.” Evan’s voice is tentative as he scuffs the toe of his shoe on the ground. He’s got his bag all packed now and was just holding the book about trees, awkwardly trying to shuffle his way to the checkout. 

“You’re not!” Jared insists vehemently before realizing that he needed to dial it back significantly. “My apartment is just beyond the dorms anyways,” he lies easily, hoping that Evan wouldn’t notice. 

“O-okay. W-well if we’re both going the same direction any-anyways.” Evan checks out the book and puts it in his backpack along with the slip of paper the machine spit out. Jared grins happily, catching Evan by surprise. He returns the smile hesitantly, hooking his thumbs in the straps of his backpack to have something to do with his hands that wasn’t technically fidgeting. 

“I’m sorry!” Both boys blurt at the same time, catching each other off guard. 

“What’re you sorry for?” Jared demands, making Evan step back a bit with just his tone.

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly before going to pull on the bottom of his shirt. “I-I was h-horrible to--to you l-last year. A-and I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry that I d-didn’t s-say anything a-after you l-left. I-I’m sorry f-for p-playing you, a-and for c-cutting you l-loose. A-and I’m j-just s-sorry.” His voice was wobbling horribly and Jared just wants to hug him for a week. Without thinking he takes a step towards Evan, who flinches back before wincing and immediately launching into another apology. 

“No, no. Hey it’s fine, you don’t need to apologize if you don’t want me to hug you or if you don’t want me to do anything else.” Jared feels horrible. Suddenly he realizes why the words Evan used were familiar. He’d said those words to Evan. Yes, what Evan had done was wrong, but yelling at him wasn’t the way to solve the problem. He winces as he feels a million times worse. He takes a deep breath and composes himself, “I accept your apology Evan,” he says, knowing that Evan needed to hear those words. 

“Now it’s my turn. I’m really sorry Evan. I was a horrible person in high school, and I treated you possibly the worst of all, and I’m so sorry, and all those times when I said it was just for insurance or this or that I was lying right through my teeth. I just didn’t want you to know how much I wanted to be your friend or you might realize how great you were and then I’d be left in the dust and then here came all of these people who loved you and I’m sorry that’s not an excuse and I’m rambling and shit. I’m just sorry.” He took a gasping breath and it takes him a few steps to realize that Evan had stopped. He was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at Jared, an unreadable expression on his face. 

He’s biting his lip and blinking at Jared, his eyes shining under the streetlamp. “Ev, you good?” the childhood nickname slips from his lips before he can stop it and Evan just keeps looking at him, his thoughts racing through his head. He takes a deep breath and nods, taking a few quick steps to catch up with Jared.

“I’m good. Um, this--this is me. C-could you t-text me when you get home?” He says and immediately winces, “s-sorry, that sounded--that sounded w-weird. I’m just--I worry.” Evan looks like he’s fighting an internal war and Jared lightly brushes his arm.

“I’ll text you.” He hears himself promising, internally kicking himself, now Evan would know he lied about where his apartment was. 

“Th-thank you Jared. F-for walking me, f-for apologizing, f-for putting u-up with my a-anxious t-tendencies, e-even if they are st-stupid.” 

Jared can’t tell if Evan’s blushing or if it’s just the lighting, but it only serves to confuse him more. “Of course, for all of those things, and it’s not stupid,” he takes a deep breath, “it’s nice that you’re worried.” He risks a glance up at Evan who was staring at him, mouth agape. “R-right then. You’re probably tired and I should get home.” He stands on the sidewalk and waves awkwardly when Evan turns to look at him, standing in the doorway. After he was sure Evan was gone, he takes off in the opposite direction. Maybe if he runs it could be believable that he lived just down the block. 

~~~

Evan had known Jared was lying, but he was too nervous to call him on it. So many things about the evening’s interaction had made him anxious, for any number of reasons. When he still hadn’t gotten a text from Jared ten minutes later he starts to fidget. Would Jared think he was clingy if he texted to ask if he was okay? Evan concludes that he probably would, so he sits on his bed and fidgets. 

The room reeks and Evan tries to pry open the window as quietly as possible Richard was already asleep, snoring loudly. The cool air calms him somewhat, letting him take a deep breath and finally get ready for bed. He lays down, his plugged in phone next to him. Finally a text from Jared buzzes in. It had taken him fifteen minutes to get home. 

**FROM JARED 1:37** **_‘Hi Evan! Sry it took me so long to text u but I was running back to my apartment and then my stupid bag tore so I had to try and carry all my shit home after picking it up and I’m sorry if you worried.’_ **

Another text buzzes in a few seconds later.

**FROM JARED 1:37** **_‘That was dumb. Y would u b worried about me. Just forget I said that part. Sorry again. Night.’_ **

This side of Jared was new. In all the years they had been friends, Evan had never seen him as anything less than totally secure. He goes to reply and just stares at the empty text box.

**TO JARED 1:43** **_‘It wasn’t dumb. I was worried. I just didn’t want to seem clingy or be annoying. I’m glad you made it back to your apartment okay, sorry about your bag though.’_ **

Jared smiles slightly at the message from Evan, he was so formal when it came to texting. 

**FROM JARED 1:44** **_‘Its what I get 4 buying a cheap bag. Thx tho.’_ **

**FROM JARED 1:44** **_‘Sry 4 makin u worry again.’_ **

Jared curses himself for not being able to collect all of his thoughts into one text while waiting anxiously for Evan to reply.

**TO JARED 1:47** **_‘It’s okay. Thank you for walking me home’_ **

The lack of punctuation at the end of Evan’s text had Jared worried until another one buzzed in a moment later.

**TO JARED 1:48** **_‘even if your apartment is across campus, not right by the dorms like you said it was.’_ **

Evan was chewing on his lip so much that it was starting to bleed but he didn’t care. He doesn’t breathe until Jared’s reply comes in, worried that Jared would be mad at him or make fun of him.

**FROM JARED 1:49** **_‘Sorry abt lying abt that, I just didnt want u to have to walk home alone.’_ **

A warm feeling spreads across Evan’s chest and he smiles softly. It had been a long time since someone had cared about him. Sure, his mom cared, but she was far enough away and busy enough that they couldn’t talk regularly. 

**TO JARED 1:55** **_‘Thank you. I have a class at nine tomorrow though, so I should probably go to bed.’_ **

Jared breathes out a sigh of relief when Evan’s reply buzzes in, he was worried he had freaked Evan out or screwed up his second chance before he was even sure that, that was what this was. 

**FROM JARED 1:56 ‘** **_Ofc. Gnight.’_ **

**TO JARED 1:57** **_‘Goodnight!’_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!   
> Thanks for your comments and kudos!   
> Let me know what you think of this newest chapter!

It was already Thursday and Jared only had half of his photos taken for class. Short of just taking pictures of campus, he had no idea how he’d get the last 100 he needed for class before tomorrow afternoon. Evan hadn’t been back in the library since Sunday, and Jared had yet to work up the nerve to text him. 

He wasn’t focusing on where he was going, too busy trying to come up with a reason to text Evan. Suddenly, he’s crashing into someone and they’re both on the ground. Jared’s bag mostly broke his fall, and consequently he broke the fall of whomever he ran over. He lifts his head and is surprised to come face to face with none other, than Evan Hansen. 

“Well, I’d ask if you were falling for me, but clearly you are,” he waggles his eyebrows, pleased when Evan blushes darkly. The other boy scrambles up, offering Jared a hand up before quickly retracting it and wiping it on his pants. He holds it out again, as Jared had just been watching with thinly veiled interest.

Evan’s hand was shaking slightly as he holds it out and Jared grabs it tightly, hauling himself up off the concrete. Evan still wasn’t looking at him, his blush only darkening the longer they stood there. Jared doesn’t really think as he pulls out his camera and starts snapping photos. At the sound of the shutter Evan looks over at him before quickly turning away. 

“Why would you do that?” he demands softly, rubbing his hands up and down his arms.

“Because, your face was so precious, and I’m about 90 photos shy of the requirement for my class tomorrow.” Jared shrugs slightly and turns the camera back off, putting the lense cap  back on. 

Evan’s blushing darkly, “y-you think my face is...pr-precious?” He’s fidgeting and Jared just grins at him, only serving to increase his unease. He clears his throat awkwardly, realizing that they were blocking the traffic flow on the sidewalk. “I, um, you--you said something about needing more pictures?” He drags Jared off the path, resisting the urge to apologize to all of the people who had to move around them. 

“I did. You see, I have to take 200 photos a week, then I turn in the best 20 in class on friday--er tomorrow. Are you offering to be my model?” He asks, trying--and failing--to fight off a blush. 

Evan’s eyes go wide and he sputters, “n-no! I--I hate having m-my picture taken.” His shoulders were hunched as he curls in on himself. “B-but you--you see I-I could take you to, um, to where you could, um, you could take some pretty--nice pictures?” He studiously avoids looking at Jared, stumbling when someone smashes into his shoulder.

“Watch it asshole!” Jared shouts without thinking about it. Evan looks at him, caught off guard. “He should watch where he’s going,” he mumbles defensively before shrugging and forcing himself to return to the subject at hand, “you know where I could take some pictures?” He tries to keep the careful hope from his voice, but it doesn’t work and the way Evan’s face brightens makes it worth it. 

Evan nods excitedly and starts weaving his way through the crowd. Jared struggles to keep up with him, eventually catching up and grabbing Evan’s bag. Evan nearly falls to the ground, his hands above his head. Jared’s grip on his bag is the only thing keeping him mildly on his feet. “Hey, it’s okay, just me, you walk really fast and I didn’t want us to get separated.” 

Evan exhales shakily and stands, “O-okay. S-sorry.” He starts to fidget again and Jared feels rotten. God, he can’t seem to do anything right. 

“You don’t need to apologize, I’m the one that caught you off guard.” His voice is soft and Evan looks up at him cautiously. He blinks a few times before looking from Jared’s face to his arm. Jared starts to let go and back up.

“I-it’s okay. Y-you just startled me.” He’s avoiding looking at Jared again, moving through the crowd, slower this time. Jared doesn’t let go of Evan’s bag, secretly enjoying this little bit of almost physical contact. Evan leads them off campus and by some nice apartments. 

“Oh! Ev! An ice cream store! We have to go!” Jared’s nearly bouncing up and down with excitement as he lightly tugs on Evan’s arm. Evan smiles at him slightly, relenting and letting Jared pull him into the small store. The girl behind the counter comes up to them, smiling especially at Evan and Jared finds himself bristling. He shakes it off and looks over the flavors. 

“What’ll it be for you cutie?” She winks at Evan and he almost turns purple. Jared goes back to Evan’s side and puts his back to the girl.

“Are you--shit--I mean--do you want me to order for you?” 

Evan’s eyes dart between the girl and Jared as he nods gratefully. Jared had never done this for him before. In high school he would’ve made fun of Evan for not being able to order for himself. “Y-yeah, except I, um, money. I wasn’t--”

“I’m paying.” Jared ignores Evan’s refusal and turns back to the cooler and the girl, “I’ll have two scoops of the german chocolate.” There’s a heat at Jared’s back and then Evan’s breath is stirring his hair. 

“I, um, mint chocolate chip?” he asks, hiding behind Jared. 

“And he’ll have two scoops of the mint chocolate chip.” He steps up to the register to pay and Evan follows him closely, trying to stay out of the girl’s line of sight. 

“J-Jared, that--that’s too much. Y-you don’t need to b-buy things wh-when I c-can’t.” He makes no move to take the ice cream cup from the girl when she holds it out so Jared takes it and hands it back to him, smiling tightly at the girl. 

“It’s fair. I mean, I treated you like shit for years. Okay, you wanna eat while we walk?” His main focus is getting Evan out of the store before the girl did something that freaked him out even more. 

“S-sure. Th-thanks. Can I--can I ask you something?” He scrapes the edge of his spoon over the ice cream lightly, a wafer-thin layer of ice cream now covering the spoon. 

“Go for it.” Jared tries to outwardly remain calm as his heart starts to race. 

“Don’t, um, please don’t get mad. B-but why, um, why’re you being so nice t-to me?” He harshly shoves his spoon into the top scoop of ice cream and frowns when it won’t come out without taking the entire scoop with it. 

“Because you deserve it.” Jared shrugs, trying to play it off while he puts his spoon out for Evan to brace his ice cream with. 

“Thanks,” Evan says absently, mulling over what he wants to say next. “Um, that, um, thatneverstoppedyoubeforesoimwonderingwhatchanged.” He looks away from Jared, seemingly watching the traffic go by. 

“Can we stop for a second?” Jared lightly tugs him to a bench and sits facing Evan. “L-listen. A-after our fight, my life was shit. Like seriously horrible.” He sees Evan’s face drain of color so he hastens to continue, “it made me realize some things. And no, not like  _ Realize Things,  _ well yes that, but that’s not my point. The point is that I realized how lucky I was to be able to call you my  _ friend.  _ And that I was treating you like shit because I didn’t want you to, you know, knowhowgreatyouare and then you’d leave me and I’d be alone. But I guess that plan kinda backfired on me because you realizedhowincredibleyouare and you found people who treated you accordingly and as stupid as it is, I want to make it up to you.” He shrugs at the end of his short speech, like he hadn’t just basically poured his heart out. 

“O-oh.” Evan’s eyes were wide as he processed everything Jared said. He was blushing lightly and Jared ached to take a picture. “Y-you, um, you don’t have to m-make it up to me. I-I wasn’t al-always the greatest f-friend. I was t-too clingy and--and I-I was--”

“I’m going to have to stop you right there,” Jared interrupts him, guilt settling low in his belly. This was his fault. If he hadn’t said all that shit to Evan when they were growing up, Evan wouldn’t be as fucked up now. God, he was awful, always pouring his poison in Evan’s ears. “You were great. The best friend I could’ve asked for. I’m the one that really fucked things up.” He touches Evan’s arm lightly before standing and holding his hand out. “I’ll throw out the trash…” 

Evan hands over his empty styrofoam cup and stands, rubbing his hands down his pants again. “Th-thanks.” He stares at the ground determinedly, still processing everything Jared had said. He stands there for a few moments, awkwardly waiting for Jared to come back. 

“Okay, I’m ready now.” He’s smiling slightly, his camera out and ready. 

Evan nods, eyeing the camera wearily as they start walking again. Jared follows his gaze and laughs, “I’m going to need it to take pictures, Evan.” 

He nods, embarrassed. Of course he’d need the camera, he was working on an assignment for a photography class. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It wasn’t like Evan would be in any of the pictures. He clears his throat anxiously, looking around at the elegant bridge and the trees and grassy areas, already feeling more at peace. “We’re here,” he says softly, watching Jared take it all in. 

The river under the bridge was high this time of year, adding to the serenity of the area. Despite being right off a main road, it was a surprisingly peaceful spot. 

Jared turns to him excitedly, “Evan, this is wonderful!” 

“I-it is?” He breathes out a sigh of relief only to realize that Jared wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. He had his camera raised and was rapidly snapping pictures at all angles of all the scenery. When he turns to Evan and sees him standing there, eyes closed, totally at peace, he wants to snap a few pictures, but Evan’s earlier words flash through his head. He was going to do things right this time. No more making Evan upset. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I should be able to update tomorrow, but after that I probably won't be back until monday or tuesday.  
> This chapter has some rude drunk frat boys for like 5 seconds.  
> thanks for your comments and kudos! They make my day!  
> Let me know what you think of this latest chapter

Jared had been taking pictures non-stop since they got to the bank of the river. Evan was watching him shyly, entranced by his excitement over the beautiful scenery. He chews his lip anxiously, debating on if he wants to disrupt the peace and quiet. Jared finally pulls the camera away from his face, looking at the display with a smile. 

“I’ve only got 20 pictures to go. Thanks Evan, I really owe you one.” Jared’s grinning at him. 

“I, um, it--it was no problem.” Evan’s not really used to people looking at him like that, like he’s this great and wondrous thing worthy of attention. 

“Seriously. Thank you. Now, I’m starving, and I think I saw a pizza place on the way over here. Do you wanna grab a bite?” Jared’s already looking back down the street, his stomach grumbling at the prospect of pizza. 

“I, um, meal plans though?” He didn’t want Jared to have to pay for their food, and he didn’t have money on him. He wasn’t planning on going anywhere but back to his dorm after class. 

“It’s all good, I’ll pay, we can split a pizza.” He’s still grinning at Evan, waiting for his answer. 

“O-okay. If--if you’re sure. I-I don’t want to be an--an inconvenience.” Evan has his fingers twisted tightly in the hem of his shirt. God, Jared was just pitying him. Poor little Evan Hansen who can’t afford ice cream or pizza. Who can’t even say one thing without stuttering. He curls in on himself, feeling worse and worse. He’d like to just go back to his dorm and curl up in a ball and not move for a week, but Richard has a girl over and he couldn’t miss class. 

A gentle hand on his arm pulls him from his thoughts. “Ev?” Jared’s looking at him concerned. “You good?--shit--that was a dumbass thing to say, obviously you’re not okay. Um, is there something I could do?” 

Evan blinks at him, not sure how to respond. “I, um, sorry.” He flushes and sits down on a nearby bench. It was starting to get cold, and he wished that he’d remembered to grab his sweatshirt from his desk chair before leaving this morning. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Jared sits down next to him, hovering awkwardly, not sure what to do.  This was not the Jared that Evan grown up with. He was unaccustomed to this new, unsure version of his friend. “If it’ll make you, er, feel better--fuck that’s not what I meant--if it’ll help--no that’s not it either--ugh, if you want we could just go to my apartment and order a pizza, that way you wouldn’t be around anymore people...well besides me, but that way there’s someone to answer the door and pay and things.” He’s talking a mile a minute and it takes Evan a second to figure out what he was saying and how to process it. Before he can respond, Jared’s rushing to backpedal. 

It takes everything in Evan to interrupt him, “Jared, I’m f-fine. We--we can do whatever you want. D-Dick has a girl over anyways.” He stands, waiting for Jared to follow suit. 

He looks at Evan skeptically, “hm, okay. We’ll stop at that place and get a pizza to go?” He really wants to try the pizza from that place down the street, but not at the expense of Evan’s well being. 

“S-sure.” Evan was used to the voices in his head having less than nice things to say about him, he didn’t think it warranted any special treatment. 

“Great. Do you still like green peppers and black olives on your pizza?” Jared’s not looking at him, trying to hide the blush on his face. For the millionth time today, Evan finds himself surprised by Jared. 

“Y-yeah.” He’s smiling softly as they start walking. Jared grins at him, leading them back to the pizza place. 

The streets are surprisingly empty for a Thursday evening, a glaring sign that midterms were closer than they seemed. Jared holds the door of the restaurant open, waiting for Evan to go in ahead of him. He loiters awkwardly by the back of the line, wanting Jared to go first. The girl behind the counter watches them curiously while Jared struggles to place why she looked familiar. 

“Hey Jared!” She greets happily before turning to Evan, “who’s your date?” 

Evan blushes darkly and ducks behind Jared, hoping that he answers the question in the least embarrassing way possible. “This is Evan,” Jared inclines his head in Evan’s direction. He turns back to the menu, looking at the pizza sizes. He ignores the girl’s questioning look, turning slightly, “hey Ev, how hungry are you?” 

He shrugs, “I dunno. Not super hungry,” his voice is soft and he keeps his eyes pointed to the ground. 

“Uh, I guess we’ll take a medium with green peppers and black olives.” Jared glances over his shoulder at Evan, smiling slightly. He was just getting ready to pay when the bell above the door chimes and he notices Evan tense behind him. Jared hands the girl the money distractedly, waving off the change as he turns to give Evan and the group of guys behind them, his full attention. 

“Hey Tree Fag. Rich said you’ve been giving him trouble,” the guy at the front of the group was terrifyingly large.

Evan’s hand came up and grabbed Jared’s sleeve, shaking. Jared’s face goes muderous. 

“Hey, fuck off.” Jared starts to guide Evan away when one of the guys grabs his bag. 

“What, so he needs someone to fight his battles for him? I guess we know who wears the pants in this relationship. It’s a real shame he couldn’t get someone more suited to the job,” The guy sneers and Jared bristles. 

Before he can say anything, Evan’s timid voice grabs their attention, “I-I don’t need anyone to--to fight my battles for--for me. A-and if you g-going to insult me, p-please do it r-right. F-for that matter, d-don’t insult my friends.” He was gripping Jared’s sleeve in a death grip, but his face was furious. It had been years since Jared had seen Evan this mad. 

One of the guys moves to grab them but a broom handle swings out and catches him harshly on the arm. The girl from the cash register was standing off to the side, wielding the broom like a staff. “If you’re not going to act in a civilized manner, see yourselves out.” The guy starts to challenge her when a burly man comes through the door from the kitchen. . 

One look from the man and the guys scatter. “Are you kids okay?” he asks, looking between the girl and Jared and Evan. 

“J-just fine, s-sir. Thank you.” Evan nods at him gratefully, leaning against Jared’s side slightly. The man nods at them, returning to the kitchen. 

“Thanks for coming to our rescue,” Jared grins at the girl, trying in vain to remember her name. 

“Madelin. And any time. Your pizza is probably almost finished. I’ll go check on it.” She excuses herself and Evan sags against Jared even more. 

“Can I…” Jared moves his arm to hover over Evan’s shoulders, not wanting to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. Evan nods against his shoulder, trying to regulate his breathing. “Who were those guys, Ev?” He’s trying not to think about the fact that Evan wouldn’t stand up for himself, but that he stood up for Jared. 

“Richard’s f-frat buddies. S-sorry you h-had to stand up f-for me.” He’s still shaking slightly, and it’s obvious that the encounter took a lot out of him. 

“Don’t be sorry. Those guys are dicks. Plus you stood up for me, so it’s really only fair.” Jared shrugs, perking up slightly when Madelin comes over to the counter with their pizza. Evan takes it from her with a shy smile. Jared watches the interaction, pleased. 

As they’re walking back to Jared’s apartment, Evan still hovers close to his side. They’re climbing the stairs to his apartment when Jared clears his throat awkwardly, “hey, if dickhead ever kicks you out and you need somewhere to go, you can come here, I’ve got a key hidden on the bottom of the cactus pot right outside the door.” 

Evan blushes darkly as Jared unlocks the door, trying to stutter out a thank you without much success. Given the state of Jared’s room when they were growing up, Evan was surprised to  see that the apartment was spotless. Jared drops his bag next to the couch and motions for Evan to put the pizza on the counter. 

“You wanna watch a movie? I’ve got netflix and hulu,” Jared offers, putting plates on the counter before grabbing a few slices of pizza. 

“Sure.” Evan’s looking around and then his eyes land on the wall across from the TV. Jared had had his favorite pictures developed so he could create a collage on the wall. There were some older pictures in there too. Evan recognized several from their childhood. He turns to Jared, his face unreadable. “You kept these?” The oldest one’s were polaroids, most of them ones that Jared had taken while he and Evan were goofing off growing up. 

“Of course I did.” Jared looks at the wall of pictures with a smile, some of the older ones jumping out at him. 

A picture of him and Evan standing on a grassy hill, arms around each other’s shoulders, both of them wearing toothy grins. There was a small tree nearly buried in a pile of dirt at their feet, and there was almost as much dirt all over them.

Another shows them on Halloween. He was dressed as a pirate, complete with eyepatch and plastic sword. He was holding the sword out in front of himself, pointing it at Evan, who was dressed as a tree. 

There was another polaroid next to that one, showing Evan in his tree costume standing over Jared victoriously, despite the plastic sword stuck through his cardboard trunk. Upon closer inspection it was obvious that Jared was laughing uncontrollably and the only thing keeping Evan from collapsing to the ground next to him was the sturdy trunk on his costume. They’re both laughing so hard they’re crying.

There was a different picture of Evan, mid-jump into a leaf pile, his overjoyed face just barely visible around the leaves flying everywhere. 

Evan was smiling widely until his eyes catch on one of the pictures. It was taken their first day of kindergarten. He turns to look at Jared, knowing that he had a more recent version in his room. He didn’t have many pictures on the corkboard above his desk, but one of the few that he took to college with him was a duplicate of that picture, taken 12 years later on their first day of senior year. 

Jared shakes off the warm feeling blossoming in his chest before flopping down on the couch. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving so I’m just gonna eat…” he takes a large bite of the pizza, watching from the corner of his eye to see what Evan does. 

He looks at the pictures a moment longer before venturing over to the counter and grabbing some pizza. He doesn’t wait to sit down to start eating, groaning at how good the pizza tasted. It probably tasted better than it actually was, since he hadn’t eaten since the day before. 

“Would you like a minute alone with that pizza?” Jared asks, laughing. Evan blushes darkly, slouching down into the corner of the couch. 

“No, I just haven’t eaten for a while,” he grumbles, avoiding Jared’s inquisitive gaze.

“What’s ‘a while’? And don’t lie.” Jared had set his pizza off to the side, giving Evan his full attention. Evan shrugs, not wanting to answer. “Evan,” Jared prys. 

“I dunno, yesterday I guess.” He shrugs again, trying to play it off.

“Lunch or dinner?” Jared questions, watching Evan take a slow bite of pizza before answering.

He mumbles something that Jared doesn’t catch, speaking into his pizza. Jared raises his eyebrows, waiting for Evan to repeat himself. “Lunch.” Evan finally admits, not looking at him. 

“Evan! You can’t just not eat!” Jared’s voice is frustrated and he runs a hand through his short hair. 

“Obviously I can,” Evan grumbles, still not looking in Jared’s direction. 

“No, Evan, you can’t. It’s not good for you. Is this because you can’t go to the dining hall alone?” Jared didn’t sound mocking, and his face was concerned, so Evan looks at him shyly and nods. “Any time you need someone to go with, just text me, okay? Don’t just not eat.” 

“Okay.” Evan’s voice is soft, obviously embarrassed. 

“Good. Now what do you want to watch?” Jared was scrolling through the movies on netflix, waiting for something to catch his eye.

“We could watch Arrow?” Evan suggests, shrugging as he takes his and Jared’s plates to the sink. Jared puts the first season on and goes to grab Evan a blanket, knowing that he’d be cold. 

Evan scoots over closer to Jared so they could share the blanket and he’s asleep before they make it to the second episode. He’d slouched over and was leaning against Jared’s side, snoring softly. Jared smiles down at him, happy that Evan trusted him enough to fall asleep when they were sitting so close together. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter before noon? What is happening??  
> Anyways, here's a short (and sweet) chapter in which Jared remembers why feelings are hard  
> Thanks for your comments and kudos! (I'm hanging most of the comments up on my wall in my room b/c you guys are so sweet!)  
> Let me know what you think!

Jared dozed off somewhere around episode five, his head falling to rest atop Evan’s. 

~~~

Evan woke around midnight, Jared’s glasses pressing into the top of his head painfully. He blinked groggily and looked around. Netflix was paused with that annoying “are you still watching?” message on the screen. Maybe that did actually come in handy sometimes. Jared was breathing deeply, his arm wrapped tightly around Evan. 

As sweet as it was, it was starting to feel a little suffocating and Evan’s left leg was totally asleep. He gently moves Jared’s arm and shoves him over slightly to lean on the arm of the couch, rather than on Evan. He figures that was the hard part and goes to stand, immediately falling to the ground. 

“Ow. Fuck,” he whines, rubbing the offending appendage. A gasp pulls his attention away from the pins and needles in his leg. 

“Dude. Did you just say fuck? Also why’re you on the ground?” Jared’s looking down at him, puzzled. 

“Yes, and I needed to go to the bathroom but my leg is like totally asleep and it has betrayed me.” He glares down at his leg before stretching it out and wincing. Jared chuckles slightly before masking it with a cough. Evan looks up at him, eyes narrowed. “Hey. Shut up.” 

Jared looks at him, eyes wide, “wowl, tired, sleepy you has a bit of a bite.” 

“Only when I have to pee and I can’t walk so I’m having to seriously consider walrus flopping my way across the floor.” He glares at the entire apartment before trying to stand again. He remains upright, but his leg feels like it’s being stabbed repeatedly. 

“You good? I could just carry you?” Jared waggles his eyebrows and grins when Evan blushes. 

“I-I can walk just fine. Th-thank you,” Evan declares, hobbling his way across the room. He pauses at the door to Jared’s room, suddenly realizing that the only way to get to the bathroom is to walk through the bedroom. 

“You’re fine, Ev.” Jared assures, stretching out on the couch and grinning when several of his joints pop.

“That’s not good for you,” Evan chimes in helpfully as he cautiously picks his way through the dark bedroom. Jared shrugs, not really caring. He was just starting to fall back asleep when there’s a crash from his room. He’s up and across the small space before he can think about it. 

Evan was sitting amidst a pile of books and his shirt was wet. He was glaring across the room at something. He follows Evan’s gaze and sees his water glass. Jared turns back to Evan and is greeted with the extremely cute sight of him pouting. 

“You good?” He asks, collecting the books to restack them. 

“Fine.” Evan grumbles, begrudgingly helping restack the books. Once the stack was returned to its rightful place at the end of the bed, Jared finally gets a good look at just how much of the water spilled on Evan. The entire lower half of his shirt was soaked, along with most of the right leg of his pants. He pulls the shirt away from his skin, a look of thinly veiled disgust on his face. “Fantastic.”

“Hey, it’s fine. You can borrow some of my clothes, I think I’ve got some stuff that will fit you.” Jared crosses the room to the small dresser and starts looking through the drawers. Evan wasn’t that much taller than he was, but he was tall enough that most of Jared’s pants would look like high-water-pants on him. 

Evan was loitering awkwardly in the doorway, not sure what to do. He figured Jared would want him to go home as soon as possible. But, if that were true, why was he loaning Evan clothes? “Um, J-Jared, were you, um, were you thinking--er, did you want me to go home tonight? B-because I don’t want to--to be an inconvenience.” He’d twisted his fingers in the hem of his shirt, careful not to wring any water out and onto Jared’s floor.

“There’s the Evan Hansen we all know and love. I was thinking you’d just stay here because I know you don’t like walking alone, and I really didn’t want to walk across campus twice tonight.” He smiles to hopefully convey that he was mostly joking and that he wanted Evan here so they could hang out, even if it was just them sleeping while Arrow played in the background.

“O-oh. I-I can just walk myself. I-it’s not a big deal.” He’s turning and headed for the door before Jared can reply. 

Of course. His second chance with Evan and he just has to go and fuck it all up by not telling him how he really feels. He catches up to Evan quickly, putting a hand on his shoulder. Evan jerks away as if he’s been scalded. 

“Y-you don’t have to p-pity me, Jared.” Evan’s face is more hurt than anything else and Jared continues his inner tirade of abuse. 

“Evan, please, just wait a second.” Jared moved to block the door, hoping Evan wouldn’t try and shove past him. 

“Wh-what?” He’s looking for another way out, a way that doesn’t include pushing past Jared, or having this conversation. He knew that he was just a charity case, he didn’t need anyone to remind him of that. Richard did it often enough that there was no doubt left in Evan’s mind.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. I’m just bad at talking about how I feel, I always have been. When I say I don’t want to walk across campus twice what I mean is, um,” he look away, suddenly realizing that talking about his feelings is  _ way  _ harder than he remembers. “What I meant is that I, um Idontwantyoutogobutifyoudidiwouldntwantyouwalkingalone.” He mumbles the last part in a rush. Evan blinks at him, letting his bag drop softly to the floor. 

“You--you actually want me h-here?” There’s such hope in Evan’s eyes that Jared doesn’t consider the consequences when he nods hastily. 

“B-but either way, you, um, shouldn’t wear th-those wet clothes. Y-you could get sick.” He’s blushing darkly as he holds the flannel pants and t-shirt out to Evan. He’d carried them out here in his rush to keep Evan from leaving, and was now glad that he did.

“O-oh. Okay.” Evan cautiously takes the clothes, leaving his hoodie to drape across the back of a chair at the small bar that functioned as the dining area on the nights when Jared wanted to work homework and eat at the same time. Jared flopped face down on the couch, not wanting to think about his feelings anymore tonight. It was too late to think this much. He didn’t like feelings in the daytime, let alone at one o’clock in the morning.  

Evan emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later, anxiously tugging at the hem of the t-shirt. Jared’s mouth goes dry. Fuck. Loaning Evan his clothes was possibly the worst idea he’s ever had in his entire life. It was so disgustingly domestic and adorable, seeing Evan in his apartment, wearing his clothes. 

Evan comes back over to the couch, pushing Jared’s feet and legs out of the way so that he could sit down. “Jared, I know you hate feelings talk, but thank you, for telling me.” 

Jared shrugs it off, wanting to get rid of the warm feeling that had settled back in his chest. He puts his feet in Evan’s lap, leaning back against the arm of the couch. “Jared, you do realize that I can tickle your feet from here, right?” The mischievous look on Evan’s face is one he hasn’t seen in years. Despite how cute Evan looked, Jared did  _ not  _ want to be tickled, so he jerked his feet back, curling up into a ball. Evan laughs and stretches out in the space Jared had just vacated. 

“That’s cheating!” Jared gasps theatrically, trying to shove Evan’s feet and legs back down to the other end of the couch. 

“I prefer to think of it as creative problem solving,” Evan replies haughtily, not giving an inch. 

“Share,” Jared whines, throwing himself on top of Evan before looking up to make sure that Evan was okay with this. He appeared to be having trouble breathing. His face was bright red and he was looking at a spot on the floor with a very intense focus. Jared props his chin on his hands and grins up at Evan, who only blushes impossibly darker in response. 

Jared relents and stands. “If it won’t freak you out too much, you can, um, you--you could sleepinmyroomwithme but itsnotlikeireallycaresoitsuptoyou.” He blushes darkly before escaping to his room. Evan was hovering in the door a few minutes later. “Don’t just stand there, either come lay down or go back to the couch.” Jared grumbles into his pillow, not moving to get under the blankets. There’s an awkward shuffling of feet before the opposite side of the bed dips and then the covers are tugged right out from under Jared. 

“How could I have forgotten!? You’re a blanket hog!” He cries overdramatically. 

“Th-that’s you Jare. I always started out with all the covers because you always stole them from me.” Evan has burritoed himself in Jared’s blankets and he was trying very hard not to sniff them, despite the fact that he was totally surrounded by Jared’s smell. 

“I don’t remember that.” Jared shakes his head quickly, trying unsuccessfully to take the blankets back. “Now I’m cold,” he whines, giving Evan the puppy dog eyes. 

“Not gonna work this time Kleinman.” Evan doesn’t even open his eyes, already knowing Jared’s plan. 

“Well fuck. I guess I’ll just be cold.” He sighs dramatically. Then he gets an idea. Evan wasn’t wearing his hoodie when he tripped over Jared’s book tower, so it should be dry. If Evan was going to steal his blankets, it’s only fair that he could steal Evan’s hoodie, right? He doesn’t think about it much more past that, his brain veering dangerously close to how he feels about Evan. 

As stealthily as possible he creeps to the kitchen. He pulls the hoodie over his head and buries his nose in the collar. It smelled like Evan. He grins and pads his way back to bed, flopping down next to (almost on top of) Evan. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a lazy fucker and I didn't proof this, but here's today's chapter.   
> Mostly just the boys being domestic.   
> It's kinda a filler, but not rly? Just a short little bonding kinda chapter idk.   
> Thanks for your comments and kudos, they mean the world to me.  
> As always, let me know what you think of the latest chapter!

Sleep-deprived Jared should never be allowed to make decisions. Ever.

That is what Jared concludes when he wakes up half on top of Evan. This was possibly his worst idea yet--no scratch that, letting Evan wear his clothes was the worst idea ever. And, to add insult to injury, he was wearing Evan’s hoodie. He had no idea how he’d explain this to Evan when he got up, but he’d have to figure it out and pronto. As Evan starts to stir, the best plan he can come up with is to fake being asleep. 

Evan stretches, not giving any indication that he’s inclined to move. Just as Evan’s fingers brush his back, Jared’s nose starts to itch. Oh dear God, please not now. He tries not to sniff or sneeze, but his plan is foiled by his traitorous allergies. 

His body jerks with the first sneeze and hardly has time to take a breath before he sneezes again. He’s up and off Evan in a heartbeat, pinching his nose, attempting unsuccessfully to quell the sneeze attack occurring. 

“Jared? Are you okay?” Evan is hovering awkwardly by his side, not sure what to do. Jared can’t decide whether to nod or shake his head, so he does both. “I-I don’t understand?” Evan looks at Jared concerned. 

He holds up a finger in a ‘wait a minute’ gesture, not wanting to try and talk between sneezes. His eyes were watering and finally the sneezes stop. Evan had procured tissues from somewhere and was holding the box out to him. 

“Thanks,” Jared says, taking a tissue gratefully. Evan returns the tissues to the top of the dresser, watching Jared warily the entire time. “I should be good now, I just forgot to take an allergy pill yesterday.” He rubs his forehead and goes to the bathroom to grab his allergy medication. 

Evan trails after him uncertainly, looking like he wants to say something. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before noticing that Jared was wearing his hoodie. “Is, um--when--is that m-mine?”

Jared folds the ends of the sleeves over his fingers, trying his best not to fidget as he nods. He turns back towards the mirror, filling a glass with water from the tap. Evan tries to catch his eye in the mirror, wanting to say something, but completely unsure where to start. 

“You stole all the covers so I took your hoodie it’s only fair,” Jared grumbles, his eyes darting up to Evan’s face when he doesn’t step out of the way. He stands there, trying to work up the courage to say something, anything, but his anxiety gets the better of him and he drops his gaze to the floor, quickly stepping out of the way. 

Jared misinterprets the silence, struggling to take the hoodie off as quickly as possible. “God, Evan. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think.” He tosses the wadded up piece of fabric at Evan as he nearly runs from the room. 

“No, J-Jared. It’s just, um,” he’s twisting his fingers in the hem of Jared’s shirt, still not sure what to say. It didn’t bother him that Jared borrowed his clothes, on the contrary, he liked it when Jared took his clothes. They were always just slightly too big, the few inches difference between them making all the difference in the world. 

There’s banging around in the kitchen before a crash and Jared cursing vociferously. Evan goes to investigate and finds Jared running his hand under a small stream of water. He was bent over the sink, doing something to his hand that caused him to hiss every few seconds.

Evan bangs his hip into the corner of the island and without missing a beat Jared says, “I broke the coffee pot, so don’t come over here unless you’ve got shoes on.” He holds his hand over the sink while squatting down to get something. Evan hops onto the countertop to try and get a better look at what had happened. 

Pieces of glass were everywhere and Jared’s hand was bleeding. There were a few larger pieces of glass on the counter next to the sink, colored slightly pink from the blood. Evan closes his eyes tightly, willing himself not to faint. He didn’t do well with the sight of blood. 

“J-Jared. Are you okay?” His eyes are still screwed tightly shut, not wanting to see what else Jared was going to have to do to his hand. 

Jared lets out a slew of colorful curses before tearing open a gauze packet and pressing it over the cut, “fine, but I’m going to the student health center to see if this is bad enough to need stitches. You can stay here if you want.” 

Evan looks around, eyes wide. The fact that Jared trusted him enough to leave him in the apartment alone meant more to Evan than he cared to admit. “N-no. I’ll come with you.” 

Jared looks relieved and a small smile tugs at the corners of Evan’s mouth. “B-besides, y-you were always a b-baby about going to--to the doctor anyways,” he smiles a bit to tell Jared he was only slightly kidding. Jared lets out a surprised laugh. 

“Evan Hansen, are you teasing me?” He’s grinning now, watching as Evan blushes. “Just let me tape this and we can go.” He reaches back into the first aid kit, looking for the latex-free tape, knowing that the normal tape would irritate his skin more. He’s rifled through the kit twice without success when Evan taps his shoulder lightly, motioning for the small box. 

The first aid kit was well stocked, with apparently one of everything, except the latex-free tape. Evan frowns and grabs a paper towel before folding it and putting it across the palm of Jared’s hand so the tape wouldn’t stick to his skin. 

“Th-there,” he says softly, hoping down from the counter and nearly running to the bathroom to change. Jared grins after him before looking at his own pajamas and deciding that Evan had the right idea. He was in the process of changing his shirt when the door to the bathroom clicked open and then immediately slammed closed again. Jared laughed to himself and finished changing. 

He knocked to let Evan know he was done. When Evan cautiously opened the door, his face was bright red and he studiously avoided looking at Jared. 

“See something you like, Ev?” Jared asks, waggling his eyebrows. Evan sputters out an answer that doesn’t even sound like english and tries to move past Jared. 

Jared catches his arm before hurriedly letting go, not sure if that was something Evan was okay with right now. “Hey,” he says, trying to get Evan to look up at him. He eventually does and Jared continues, “when I say that stuff, it’s not because I’m mad or I’m making fun of you, I’m teasing, like how you teased me in the kitchen this morning.” He’s smiling softly, his face honest.

“Logically I know y-you’re teasing, b-but s-sometimes it’s hard for me to believe.” He looks away, ashamed. 

“That’s okay. I’ll try my best to stop teasing you, okay?” If that’s what Evan wanted, he’d make sure that he didn’t tease him again about anything. He wasn’t about to fuck this up again. He  _ needed  _ Evan in his life. Even though it was rare for them to talk about personal things, Jared depended on Evan to keep him sane. 

“Thanks,” Evan says softly, biting his lip before continuing around Jared and back into the living room. A muffled curse from the other room draws Jared’s attention. 

“Are you okay?” 

Evan runs a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. “I-I have class this a-afternoon. A-and I don’t have any of my stuff.” He’s pacing faster, his breath coming in short puffs. Jared steps into his path. 

“Hey, in for four, our for four.” He breathes over-exaggeratedly so Evan could follow along. While his breathing slows Jared thinks for a second. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll go to your dorm and get your stuff, then we’ll go get food. Because yes, you need to eat. Then you’ll go to class and I’ll go get my hand looked at, okay?” Jared didn’t want Evan going back to his dorm alone, lest his asshole roommate decide to try and start something. 

He knew it was stupid because Evan lived there, and it wasn’t like Jared could just follow him around to make sure he wasn’t ever alone when he went back to his dorm. His camera was still on the table from last night, still missing the last 20 pictures. Luckily, Jared had found 20 he liked earlier on in the week so he didn’t have to worry about that right now. 

Evan follows Jared’s gaze and smacks himself. Stupid. Stupid. It’s all his fault that Jared didn’t have all the pictures done. And now he was going to be late to class because Evan can’t do anything by himself. God, he was such a deadweight and he was lucky Jared was willing to put up with him, even if he didn’t deserve to. 

“Ev?” Jared’s concerned voice breaks through his thoughts. He notices what Evan was doing, “hey, stop that right now. I’m lucky to have you as my friend. And I’m not doing any of this because I have to, I’m doing it because I want to.” He takes a deep breath, “because I like spending time with you. You’re my best friend. Assuming you want to be that is, because I don’t want to force you into anything and you shouldn’t feel obligated to--”

Evan steels himself and interrupts Jared, “n-now who n-needs to st-stop?” He’s smiling slightly, trying to figure out why being called Jared’s best friend gave him this fluttery, warm feeling. 

Jared grins at him, “thanks. Now we should go so I have time to get this looked at before photography this afternoon.” He swings his bag up onto his shoulder with his good hand and then carefully puts the camera strap around his neck, testing it to make sure it was secure before letting the camera go. 

Evan was busying himself with the pockets on his bag, trying not to stare at Jared. 

“Ready?” He asks, waiting for Evan by the door. Evan nods quickly and grabs his bag, his arm brushing Jared’s as he goes past him into the hall. They both blush darkly, grateful for the time it takes Jared to lock the door. 

He wasn’t sure he’d be any good in a fight against Evan’s roommate and his frat friends, but at least then Evan wouldn’t be alone. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter on time? What? Since when has that ever happened???  
> Anyways, your comments and kudos give me life its the best  
> This chapter fts a protective Jared and slightly scolding Evan.  
> As always, let me know what you think!

The walk to Evan’s dorm was quiet, neither boy knowing what to say. Evan found comfort in the fact that he and Jared didn’t have to be talking all the time that they were together. It made being around him much less exhausting. Jared was exhausting to be around for other reasons; namely the fact that Evan wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about Jared and he didn’t want to freak him out. 

Evan swipes his ID to get them into the dorm building and starts to deflate. Jared looks down at him worriedly. He offhandedly wondered if Heidi knew how much Evan hated dorm life. She probably didn’t. Evan’s scholarships paid for him to live on campus, and if he moved off campus they wouldn’t pay for housing. His dislike of the dorms made sense though, Evan didn’t do well around large crowds, and living in a dorm meant there was no where he could escape and just be alone. 

Their hands had brushed a few times as they walked to the elevator and Evan was progressively curling in on himself more and more. Jared wanted to do something to comfort Evan, not sure how much he’d be okay with right now. “Ev, can I--would it help if I, um, caniholdyourhand?” He looks at the ground, not looking at Evan. His shoulders are tense and then he feels fingers lace with his. 

“Thank you,” Evan says softly, his face pink and holy fuck, his freckles look perfect in this light. It has Jared itching to snap a photo. His camera remains securely around his neck though, not wanting to disrupt the moment. 

“I, um, should warn you. A-about Richard. H-he’s, well, he’s horrible.” Evan’s frowning deeply, watching the numbers on the doors of the rooms go by as he leads Jared to his room. His and Richard’s room was the only one without those cheesy name tags on the door. Most people had decorated theirs to match with the dorm theme--it was dinosaurs this year. Evan shakily unlocks the door and Jared squeezes his hand, trying to be comforting. 

“Ah, Treefag. I thought you’d decided to move out,” the boy sprawled on one of the beds drawls when Evan steps into the room. He just looked like an asshole to Jared, but maybe he’s biased. “And I see now that our predictions were accurate. You really are a fag.”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?” Jared snarls, starting to lung at Richard before Evan pulls him back.

“Oh he’s got you leashed already. How precious.” Richard’s voice is condescending and Jared’s eyes narrow dangerously. He wasn’t always known for making the best decisions, and the only fights he’d been in, had been when he was defending Evan--behind his back of course. In high school he somehow thought that it was okay for him to be horrible to Evan, but no one else was allowed. 

Jared gives Evan a look that he hopes says ‘please forgive me’ before pulling away and stalking across the room and punching Richard with his good hand. Something breaks under his fist and Richard’s hands jerk up to his nose. 

“You fucker. You’ll pay for that,” his voice is nasally and he goes to leave the room but Jared steps in front of him. Despite the other boy having several inches on him, Jared wasn’t afraid. He’d taken several different martial arts classes over the years and was quite accomplished at several of them. 

“Listen, you shouldn’t embarrass yourself anymore.” Jared says, easily avoiding a bumbling attempt to grab him. It had been several years since Jared had practiced in any real capacity, but muscle memory helped with the things he knew, even if he lacked most of that muscle right now. 

Richard starts spewing threats when Jared easily shoves him to the floor. “Listen, don’t touch my friend. Don’t talk to my friend. Don’t harass my friend--in any capacity. Don’t have your buddies harass my friend. If you do any of these things, we’re going to have a problem. Got it?” Jared looks down at him angrily and moves like he’s going to attack, laughing cruelly when Richard flinches. 

He looks over at Evan and immediately feels bad. Evan looked terrified. He was shaking like a leaf. Jared hauls Richard up and deposits him outside the door before closing it in his face.

“Ev?” Jared asks, moving towards Evan slightly. Evan sinks down to his mattress, still shaking. 

“Wh-why would you do that?” He asks quietly, blinking down at him when Jared settles on the floor at his feet. 

“Because you don’t deserve to be treated this way and that guy needed to get the message.” He shrugs nonchalantly, not wanting to tell Evan that he’d just snapped when Richard started in. He just saw red and needed to make Richard feel how he makes Evan feel. 

“B-but he c-could’ve hurt you.” Evan’s eyes are serious and wide, his face has gone from terrified to chastising and Jared recognizes that he’s about to get a lecture. 

“I’m totally fine, well except this,” he holds up the hand he had injured when the coffee pot exploded, “but this was me being a dumbass.” 

Evan nods, his eyes narrowed. “Yes, this time, but what if he goes and tells his buddies and then they all jump you and then you’re dying in an alley somewhere and I can’t find you and then it’ll be all my fault and you’ll be dead and I’ll be--”

Jared puts his hands on Evan’s effectively cutting off his train of thought. “None of that will happen. I’m more worried about you than anything else.” He looks up into Evan’s face and wills him again to just understand. Understand his feelings when he didn’t even understand them himself. 

Evan’s response is cut off by his stomach grumbling loudly. Both boys laugh, caught off guard. While Evan repacks his bag, Jared gets the chance to look around the room. It was small, and the two halves of the room contrasted greatly. Evan’s half was well organized and didn’t look lived in at all. The only thing on the desk was a small stack of textbooks. The corkboard behind it was a different story. It had a few pictures on it, several that he recognized. One he didn’t. He bent down, trying to remember when the picture had been taken. 

It was different from most of the pictures he had, as he was the sole subject of this photo. He was grinning widely in the picture, making a ridiculous face and giving the camera two thumbs up. 

“Hey Ev, when was this picture taken?” Jared asks, pointing to the picture in question. Evan follows his finger and the blood drains from his face as he quickly moves between him and the photo. 

“I--you--you shouldn’t’ve s-seen th-that.” He’s trying to take the picture down behind his back and Jared wonders why he’s being so secretive about the picture. It wasn’t like he didn’t have an entire wall filled with pictures of them growing up. 

“Seriously though? Because I don’t remember that at all,” he decides to press the issue, wondering when Evan had had the chance to take that picture. 

“It’s nothing.” Evan’s managed to get the picture down and he keeps it with him, forgetting that he’d written on the back. Jared bends to see it when he moves away from the wall. 

In Evan’s neat cursive are the words,  _ Best Birthday Ever. Courtesy of Evan Hansen’s Best Friend Ever, Jared Kleinman.  _ The words make him melt and Jared finally remembers. It was right before their fight senior year. He’d taken Evan hiking--or more aptly, Evan had taken Jared hiking--for his birthday. He’d told Evan that they could do anything he wanted and of course, the nature nerd that he was, Evan chose hiking. Evan must’ve snapped the picture when he asked if Jared was enjoying the hike. 

“C-can we just go?” Evan asks, having slipped the photo into his bag while Jared was taking his trip down memory lane.

“Yeah of course. Do you care where we go for lunch? What’s your next class?” He didn’t want to stress Evan out by picking a dining hall that was too far from his next class.

“I’ve got math, calc and analytic geometry two,” Evan replies bashfully. Jared resists the urge to call him a nerd, to him the word was a term of endearment, but Evan might not see it that way and Jared had promised to stop teasing him. 

“That sounds really interesting,” Jared manages to say, trying to sound as sincere as he possibly can. Evan had always been really good at school, his anxiety never letting him be anything but perfect. 

“You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better, I know you’re not a fan of math,” Evan says softly, opening the door and jumping back surprised to find Richard slouched against the other side. He’d fallen backwards into the small room when Evan had opened the door. 

“‘Bout fuckin time,” he grumbles, standing and going over to his bed  before flopping down. He doesn’t acknowledge either boy farther and Jared silently thanks any higher power that might be listening. 

Evan grabs him and leads them from the room hastily, not wanting Jared to finish anymore altercations. He doesn’t let go of Jared’s hand once they’re in the elevator, feeling too at home standing next to Jared, holding his hand, their shoulders brushing from time to time. 

Jared’s other had was beginning to throb more insistently, and if he thought there was even a small chance that Evan would go to lunch without him, he’d just go to the student health center, but he needs to know that Evan is eating more than he needs his ouchie looked at. 

They walk across campus with their hands linked and for once, Evan was glad for the anonymity that such a large campus granted him. He didn’t need Jared getting crap because they were hanging out, or whatever it was that they were doing. 

They were waiting in the obscenely long line to enter the dining hall when Jared next speaks, “promise me that if those assholes hassle you, you’ll call me?” The way Jared is looking at him makes him nod, even if he knows he most certainly will not be calling anyone. 

Jared lets the subject drop for now, and goes about pulling Evan through the food lines, happily piling their plates high with food. 

~~~

Evan scarfs his lunch, paranoia about being late to class getting to him again. Jared notices and makes quick work of the food left on his plate, taking the dishes to the return while Evan cleans off the trash from the table. 

“Y-you don’t have to walk me…” he says uncertainly, not wanting Jared to have to go any farther out his way than he already had. He had to pay to get into the dining hall because he didn’t live on campus, he’d fought Evan’s roommate to defend his honor, he’d walked all over campus and he hadn’t taken his last twenty pictures. 

“Don’t be silly.” Jared tells him seriously, happily walking towards the math building. Evan trails behind him uncertainly, still feeling like Jared was doing too much for him. “Hey is this your only class today?” Jared asks suddenly, catching Evan off guard.

“N-no. I’ve got econ and chem l-later.” He frowns deeply, they needed to do small group presentations in Chemistry later today and Evan was not looking forward to it at all. 

“Oh, okay. Well, if you think douchebag is going to kick you out you can come stay with me again. Maybe we’ll actually make it through an episode of Arrow this time?” He adds the last part with a small smile. 

“Y-yeah that would be n-nice. Th-thank you Jared. F-for being so nice a-and understanding.” 

Jared brushes off the thanks awkwardly, pausing at the doors of the math building. “I, um I should probably go and get this looked at, t-text me later?” He asks, his voice hopeful. Evan nods shyly, pushing open the door to the building and hovering, unsure. 

“I-I’ll see you later?” He looks at the ground, for once, not really caring that people were having to go around them. Jared’s wide grin makes it worth it. He’s nodding excitedly and Evan nods back a few times before waving shyly and going into the building.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okey so in this chapter evan has a panic attack and jared gets stitches  
> thanks for all your kind words! They make me so happy!!  
> Let me know what you think!

The lady at the student health center looks very unimpressed when Jared tells her that he cut his hand filling the coffee pot. Which was technically true, he just neglected to mention that it was because he had left the glass pot sit on the heating plate and then filled it with cold water, which caused it to explode. 

She frowned as she looked at the cuts, not able to say much because they’d been cleaned, wrapped, and had mostly stopped bleeding. Unfortunately, she did tell him the largest of the cuts would, in fact, need stitches. Jared hated needles, hated thinking about the fact that someone was going to have to sew his skin back together. 

As the nurse gets ready to stitch up his hand he texts Evan.

**TO EVAN 1:37 ‘what r u doin rn?’**

As much as he knew Evan hated phone calls, Jared really just needed something to distract him. 

**FROM EVAN 1:38 ‘I’m waiting on my econ class to start. I presume you’re at the student health center? Is the line long?’**

**TO EVAN 1:38 ‘can i call u. freakin out abt stitches’**

It’s less than a minute later when his phone starts buzzing, Evan’s name and goofy profile picture popping up. Jared hurriedly answers the call, hissing when the needle pierces his skin for the first time. 

“Jared?” Evan’s voice is worried. “Are you okay? D-do you need me to--to come over there?” 

Jared smiles slightly, “no, no, I’m just--fuck--I’m, you know. W-with the needles, a-and I…” he trails off, his breath getting faster and faster. 

“Jared. Hey, stay calm, I’m coming okay?” Evan sounded so calm and collected, so different from normal.

“No! Y-you can’t miss class.” Jared’s eyes are screwed tightly shut. He couldn’t let Evan miss class because then his anxiety would never let him forgive Jared. 

“I-it’s not a big deal. I could just get the notes from--from someone. Y-you’ve done so much for me that i-it’s only fair.” The doors to a building open and shut in the background of the call. 

“Evan! St-stay. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.” His phone case was making an unhappy noise at being squeezed so tightly and Jared loosens his grip slightly. The nurse pats him on the arm. “J-just like that I’m done.” He takes a shaky breath and stands from the table. 

“...okay…” Evan doesn’t sound completely convinced. 

“I’ve gotta go. Go to class. I’ll see you later,” Jared hangs up, not wanting Evan to worry any more than he already was. 

The woman at the reception desk was incredibly friendly and made him an appointment for the following Wednesday night to get his stitches removed. Jared smiled at her and waved awkwardly as he was leaving. He glanced at his watch, only 30 minutes until his photography class started. He wasn’t sure how he was going to take the last 20 pictures with a bum hand but he’d figure it out. 

~~~

Evan was  _ not  _ ready to present this Chem project. The recitation only had twenty people in it, but that was still  _ way  _ too many people. He hated this. At least he wasn’t alone. He’d been freaked out when the TA told them to choose a partner, but the guy who sat in front of him normally, turned around and introduced himself.

His name was Daniel and he was actually really nice. Evan was surprised that he wanted to work together, and not just make Evan do all the work because he was a pushover. 

Daniel found Evan before class started and attempted to calm him down with little success. “Is there someone I could call?” He asks, looking down at Evan concerned. 

Evan shakes his head before stopping and thinking for a moment. Jared had called him when he was freaking out so maybe it would be okay for him to talk to Jared when he was freaking out. He finally manages to gasp out Jared’s name and Daniel takes Evan’s phone from him, quickly dialing Jared’s number. He hands the phone back to Evan before Jared answers, wanting to give them some space. 

“Evan? Is everything okay? You don’t normally call me?” It sounded windy wherever Jared was, he must’ve been walking back from class.

Evan can only gasp into the phone as he tries to regulate his breathing. 

“Shit. Where are you? Okay, in for four, our for four…” he tries to drain all the panic from his voice, needing Evan to keep breathing until he can figure out where it is that he needs to be going right now. He hopes it’s close because, for all he knows, Evan’s all the way across campus right now, which would make Jared totally useless.

“Ch-chem,” is all Evan manages to stutter out, trying to match his breathing to the count of four that Jared was keeping under his breath. 

“Okay, I’ll be right there. Ev, I’m not far away, okay? Can you stay on the phone with me?” Jared hears the rustling in response, assuming that Evan was nodding. “Good, okay, I’m coming into the building now. Can you tell me what floor you’re on, or what you’re close to?” Jared looks around, trying to find someone he could ask for directions. 

“277” Evan’s voice is soft and Jared lets out a sigh of relief. He bounds up the stairs and bursts into the hallway. He tears around the corner and sees Evan huddled on the floor, phone clutched to his ear while an unfamiliar guy hovered nearby. 

“Ev? I’m right down the hall. I see you. Can you see me?” Jared doesn’t want to run and freak Evan out even more so he settles for a fast speed-walk. Evan turns to look at him, eyes wide and red. He’s shaking and had obviously been crying. Jared collapses to the floor in front of Evan, ignoring the other guy for now.

“Can I…?” He holds his hands above Evan’s, waiting to see what he needed right now. Evan shakes his head and Jared backs up, immediately retreating into his own space. “That’s okay. Good for you for telling me it wasn’t okay right now. Okay we’ve got to do in for four, out for four, right?” 

Evan nods and Jared breathes in over-exaggeratedly, waiting for Evan to mimic him. He does and Jared lets out the breath, once again waiting for Evan to do the same. “Good, again.” Evan does this a few more times and manages to mostly get his breathing under control. Jared sits there, on the floor of the hallway with him, ignoring the other students starting to populate the hall, only looking away from Evan to glare at anyone that gets too close. 

“Th-the presentation,” Evan finally says softly, starting to shake again just thinking about it. Evan’s words don’t makes sense. Jared reaches out for him before pulling his hands back.

“What presentation?” Then suddenly it clicks, “you have a presentation today, don’t you?” 

Evan nods, hiding his face behind his knees. Just then someone taps Jared on the shoulder. It was the guy that was in the hall when he first got here. 

“Um, hi, I’m Daniel. I’m working with Evan. I, um, I just talked to the TA and he said we could come present in office hours so that we didn’t have to present to the entire class.” He’s looking between Evan and Jared concerned. The TA comes out into the hall and calls everyone into class, trying to give Evan some space. 

“Hear that Ev? You don’t have to present. And it won’t hurt your grade at all.” 

At this, Evan looks up at Jared slightly. “It won’t?” his voice is hoarse and it makes Jared’s heart hurt. 

“Not a bit,” Jared sees the tension seep out of Evan’s shoulders slightly. 

“C-can we go?” Evan asks, struggling to stand. Jared nods and picks up Evan’s bag, ignoring his protests. “Th-thanks Daniel. I-I’ll t-talk to you l-later,” he says hurriedly, nearly running down the hall. Jared pauses for a second.

“Seriously though, thanks, normally people egg him on or just run off, it means a lot to him that you did all this,” Jared gestures expansively before shrugging and following Evan down the hall. 

Evan was waiting for him by the bottom of the stairs. He falls into step beside Jared, hovering closely to his side. When they leave the building and are in the throes of campus on a friday night Evan presses himself farther into Jared’s side. The obscene amount of people was exacerbated by the fact they had some kind of home game tonight.

“Can I…?” Jared asks, holding his arm over Evan’s shoulders, waiting for approval before touching Evan. He nods and Jared curls his arm around Evan protectively. 

“Could we, um, could we g-go to my dorm? I-I need clothes…” he’s stopped shaking for the most part, instead settling for fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

“Of course. Are you good to deal with dickhead?” Jared doesn’t want Richard to start being an asshole and then upsetting Evan even more. That was the last thing either one of them needed right now. 

“H-he should be g-gone.” Evan tugs his bag off Jared’s shoulder to get his id out of the front pocket. Once he swaps the id for his keys Jared swings the bag back up on his shoulder. Jared hates Richard even more when he watches Evan cautiously open the door. He shouldn’t have to be afraid to go into his own dorm room. A plan was forming in his head, but he was 100% sure it was a bad idea. Just as bad as letting Evan wear his clothes, or wearing Evan’s clothes. 

“I, um, I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but, um, if you want, you could leave some clothes at my apartment, so that way if Richard kicks you out while you’re gone you can have something to wear?” Jared scuffs the toe of his shoe on the floor, avoiding Evan’s gaze. 

“O-okay.” Evan produces a duffle from somewhere and starts putting clothes in it. Jared resumes his inspection of the room. 

Evan had his side of the room arranged in the most space-saving way possible, with the bed lofted and the dresser and desk under it. Richard’s side of the room was very different. The bed wasn’t lofted at all, and clothes were flung everywhere. The dresser drawers were open and spilling clothes out. The desk was buried under more clothes, and Jesus how many outfits did this guy own? Jared struggled to fill the small dresser in his apartment. 

“R-ready?” Evan asks, pulling Jared’s attention back to the present. 

“Yeah. What do you want for dinner? I think I have ramen?” Jared cringes, he  _ really _ needed to go grocery shopping. 

“Ramen sounds good.” Evan’s voice is still soft and Jared has a feeling that they won’t make it through the first episode of Arrow tonight either. 

Once they’re back outside Evan presses himself back into Jared’s side, waiting for him to ask if it was okay to touch him. He does, and Evan gives his assent, sighing. This had been a helluva day for both of them. 

It was so easy for Evan to just jump back into being friends with Jared, especially because he made it so easy. He was nice and caring and he came to help Evan through panic attacks. And he trusted Evan when he was freaking out. Evan wasn’t used to people trusting him. It was new and he liked it. It felt nice to be on the other side for once, knowing that he had the power to help someone. That he could help Jared. 

~~~

Jared changes into sweats the moment they get back, knowing that more than likely, he and Evan would fall asleep on the couch again. He also drags the quilt from his bedroom out to the couch, wanting to make sure there were more than enough blankets. Evan changes and then collapses onto the couch while Jared makes half-assed ramen. 

Jared puts the pasta in bowls and heads over to the couch. He smiles when he sees that Evan has already fallen asleep. He looked so cute like that--wait, Jared definitely does not have a crush on his best friend, no good could come from that so it just cannot happen. He sets the bowls down on the coffee table and lightly nudges Evan. 

The other boy wakes slowly and rubs his eyes. Damn him for being so cute, it just wasn’t fair. “Wha--?” He blinks a few times before his eyes land on Jared and start to focus. 

“I made dinner, if it can even be called that,” Jared rolls his eyes and passes Evan the bowl of broth and noodles. 

“Th-thanks.” 

Jared nods and climbs up onto the couch next to Evan, starting the first episode of Arrow over. Evan’s eyes are glued to the TV as he eats, and it makes Jared smile. He’d already watched all the seasons on netflix and Evan’s fascination was adorable. Okay, what was wrong with him? Why was he all of a sudden thinking that Evan was adorable every time he did anything? He thinks back on it, maybe this wasn’t all of a sudden, maybe this is just more blatant. 

Evan clears his throat and Jared blinks, realizing that he’d missed whatever it was that he’d said. “Do you want me to take your bowl?” He asks again, smiling slightly. Jared nods and passes the mostly empty bowl to Evan, taking the opportunity to stretch out on the couch and laughing when Evan looks at him disgruntledly. 

“Jared,” he whines, “share.” 

Evan pouts and Jared immediately gives in. He settles close to Jared’s side and pulls the blankets over them, cautiously resting his head on Jared’s shoulder. Before their fight, Evan was more physically affectionate than Jared, but now, Jared finds himself wanting to be more like that. He wouldn’t mind holding Evan’s hand, or cuddling--obviously--or any of that. 

Surprisingly, Evan makes it to the second episode before passing out, and this time, Jared doesn’t make it much longer than he does. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> This is a fluffy chapter featuring protective jared and pillow fights.   
> I promise i'm going somewhere with this, it just takes a second to get there haha.  
> Thank you for your kind words, they mean the world to me!  
> Let me know what you think!

Jared wakes with a start when he shifts and the sun shines through the blinds onto his face. He blinks slowly and realizes that part of the reason he felt slightly suffocated was because Evan was basically on top of him. Jared tries to get comfortable and go back to sleep, but now that he was awake and had noticed the sun, it was basically impossible. Of course the gap between the blinds and the window sill had to force the sun to shine right where he was sitting on the couch. 

Jared groans and flings his arm over his eyes, pleased with the level of darkness that created. He’d just dozed off again when someone was enthusiastically knocking on the door. He elects not to answer, surprised when the door just clicks open. He can’t turn to see who just came into his apartment, but at this point not disturbing Evan isn’t a priority. 

“Honey?” His mom’s voice calls from by the door. Jared relaxes and sighs. 

“In here mom,” he speaks as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Evan, even if it meant enduring his mother’s teasing. She comes around the couch a moment later and starts cooing at them. “Mom, please. It’s too early for this.” 

She sits down on the coffee table, grinning and taking out her phone to take a picture. Without thinking, Jared bends over and shields Evan from the camera.

“Mom, Evan doesn’t like having his picture taken.” He feels a little bad at her crestfallen expression, but he didn’t want to let his mom do something that he knew would upset Evan. 

“How does that work between you two then? You’re always taking pictures. Of everything.” She tilts her head slightly, looking at the two boys. 

Jared rubs his face and blinks slowly, it was too early for this, and he hadn’t had nearly enough coffee yet. 

“OH MY GOD HONEY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND!?” His mother’s voice is shrill as she jumps across the small space to grab Jared’s bandaged hand, looking at him sharply when he winces. 

“Mom, Evan is sleeping.” He gently pulls his hand back and pushes her to sit back on the coffee table. “I was getting ready to make coffee yesterday and then I filled the hot glass pot with cold water. I was being dumb. I’m fine.” 

Her expression changes from one of concern to the one she makes before she lectures him. Sighing, Jared gets comfortable and rubs his face again. He definitely hadn’t had enough coffee for this. And he didn’t even have a coffee maker anymore. Great. 

“Jared, how many times have I told you, when you’re in the kitchen you have to be present. You have to pay attention to everything that’s happening. You know better than to fill a hot  _ glass  _ pot with cold water.” She purses her lips and shakes her head at him. 

“Well I wasn’t thinking, okay?” Jared wishes she’d just leave it. He realized that he’d made a dumb mistake. He’d paid for it, in the form of stitches. That should’ve been more than enough punishment. 

“Obviously. And why, praytell, were you in the kitchen and not thinking? That’s how people die Jared.” His mother’s eyes were wide and serious, her eyebrows knit together tightly. Suddenly, an unexpected laugh bubbles out of Evan and Jared looks down at him, caught off guard. Evan opens one eye to peer at Jared cautiously, his face red. With a start, he remembers Jared’s mom and sits up hurriedly. “Hello Evan,” she says pleasantly. 

He coughs nervously in response, giving her a shy wave. Jared grabs his hand and pulls him up, “give us a second mom.” He drags Evan into the bedroom and closes the door. Evan stands there, his face growing more concerned as Jared grabs a pillow from the bed. 

For some reason, it surprises him when Jared hits him with the pillow. “For shame on you Evan! Leaving me to fend for myself!” 

Evan’s giggling as he starts to sink to the floor, trying to work his way to the bed. “Well it’s your fault. You shouldn’t’ve been…” he trails off, laughing hard enough that it’s hard to speak. “Shouldn’t’ve been not thinking in the kitchen.” He gives the comforter a hard jerk, causing all the pillows to fall to the ground just within arms reach. 

Jared screeches when Evan returns the hits with some of his own. Neither boy stops laughing or swinging the pillows when Jared’s empty water glass goes flying off the nightstand. A flash going off makes them both freeze. Jared turns to his mother, “Mom! I told you not to take pictures!” 

Evan just sits back on the ground, holding the pillow to his chest. “N-no, Jared, it’s--it’s fine.” He’s not looking at either of them, gripping the pillow tightly. Jared turns his back towards his mom, squatting down in front of Evan. 

“Hey, it doesn’t have to be. It’s fair of you to say no to having your picture taken.” 

Evan twists his fingers in the pillowcase, looking up at Jared cautiously. “I-I just don’t like how--how they look...how I look.” He looks ashamed. 

Jared aches to reach out and comfort him, but he figures that would be overstepping, especially because his mom was watching the encounter raptly. “I know this probably won’t help, but you look fine--great even in every single picture I have of you--of us. But still, if you don’t want your picture taken, that’s fair. It’s not anyone’s place to tell you that you just have to suck it up.” He smiles sadly, knowing that he’s said things like this in the past. God, how could he have ever been so stupid. 

“O-okay. Th-thanks Jared.” He forces himself to let go of his death grip on the pillow and fling it up onto the bed. “C-can we get coffee or something?” He yawns widely and Jared laughs. 

“A man after my own heart. Of course. I’m just going to get changed real quick. Can you deal with mom?” Jared stands and raises his arms above his head, smiling victoriously when several of his joints and his back pop. Evan can’t decide if he wants to admire the view or berate Jared for popping his joints. 

“I should be fine.” He leaves Jared in the bedroom, cautiously venturing out to the kitchen. Ms Kleinman was looking at the wall of pictures. 

“Hey Evan, I haven’t seen you around for a while. Jared mentioned he was afraid you didn’t want to be friends anymore.” Her voice is light, as if she was talking about the weather or something equally benign. 

“N-no. Th-that wouldn’t happen. We just, uh, we had a, um, a difference of, er, opinion?” He’s back to fidgeting nervously. He had no idea that Jared had told his mom when they quit speaking. That he told her he was worried that Evan didn’t want to be his friend anymore. 

“Ah, understandable. It was a girl wasn’t it?” She looks at him conspiratorially and Evan returns the look with one of incredulity. “Yeah, you’re right. Jared’s never liked girls.” She rolls her eyes good-naturedly and Evan just stands there and blinks at her. “I’m glad you boys are friends--er, boyfriends?--again. You’re good for him.” Her soft smile has Evan blushing darkly and looking at the floor, not sure how to respond. 

He stutters for a second before Jared comes out and looks at Evan’s red face. “Mom, what did you do? You didn’t try and talk to him about sex did you?” Jared puts his hands on his hips and it makes Evan smile slightly. 

“No, we hadn’t quite gotten there yet.” She replies cheekily and Evan finds himself marveling over their relationship. Ms Kleinman wholeheartedly loved Jared, and they joked about everything. She came to visit him at college, she didn’t get offended when he tried to lecture her, well if two sentences of chastisement could count as lecturing. 

Jared’s voice brings him back to the present, “Ev? You gonna change? Or are you goin’ like that?” Jared had stepped closer, trying to get Evan’s attention. 

“I’m gonna change. I’ll be right back.” He pads to the bedroom quietly, going to retrieve his bag and change in the bathroom. Jared’s mom turns to look at him, hands on her hips.

“Start explaining mister. Why are you hiding your boyfriend from me?” She seems more hurt than anything, and even though he and Evan weren’t dating-- _ yet,  _ a little voice in his mind supplies--he still feels like shit. 

“We’re not dating mom. We’re just good friends,” he grumbles the last part. He was glad to be friends with Evan, and if that was as far as things got, he’d be happy. He just couldn’t help but wish for more. 

“That’s a cryin’ shame. You guys would be so good together. Look at how cute you are!” She pulls out her phone and shows Jared the picture she’d taken of them earlier. Evan was crouched on the floor, his face alight with laughter and happiness. Jared was mid-swing, his pillow obviously about to land on Evan’s shoulder, his face scrunched up in laughter.

“Okay, that is a cute picture, and please send it to me, but real talk--if people even still say that--you cannot take pictures of Evan without his express permission because it makes him uncomfortable.” He flops back on the couch and turns sideways when his mom sits next to him.

“I figured you were just saying that, but I’ll stop. You know, it’s really sweet that you look out for him like that.” She smiles at him, probably already thinking about telling Heidi everything she can get out of the boys today. She’d already sent her the picture. 

When Evan comes out of the bedroom he’s on the phone. “N-no mom!” is the only thing Jared catches before Evan looks over at him and blushes before going back into the bedroom. Jared turns to look at his mom, an unimpressed expression on her face. She attempts to look as innocent as possible. Jared narrows his eyes and looks at her how she used to look at him when she knew he was lying.

“I sent the picture to Heidi.” She confesses, not looking the least bit guilty. 

“Mom,” Jared groans, burying his face in his hands. 

Evan emerges from the bedroom a few moments later, his face bright red. He’s holding the phone away from him, pointing towards Jared. “She, um, she wants to talk to, um, to talk to you.” He’s focused intently on the ground. 

“Hi Ms Hansen,” Jared says, taking the phone from him, scooting over so that Evan had a spot to sit. He sinks into the small space between Jared and the arm of the couch. 

“Hi Jared. Evan said you guys were friends again?” Her voice is unreadable and it’s making Jared nervous. He felt like he was back in high school, nervous and anxious about being around Evan and Heidi. 

“Y-yeah.” he swallows roughly, not sure what Evan had told her, not sure what Evan wanted her to know. 

“Good. I’m glad. But no more fights like last year. He didn’t do very well after that fight.” 

Jared looks down at his lap. He knew it. He fucking fucked everything up. All because he let his hurt pride and ego get in the way of talking to Evan. God, he was such a fucking mess. He couldn’t do anything right. He’d basically been responsible for Evan having a few shitty months, for having a shitty roommate. If he hadn’t been such a colossal asshole, he and Evan would probably be rooming together. Maybe he should just let Evan be friends with people like Daniel. He was probably worlds better for Evan than Jared. Jared knew he didn’t deserve Evan, but hearing Heidi say that their fight caused Evan to have a rough couple months, he felt even worse. God, he was the worst human being alive. What was he thinking? Thinking Evan would ever date him. Yeah, right. 

Evan’s tentative hand on his arm brings him back to the present. He’d taken the phone back while Jared was distracted. “No, I don’t--I don’t care. Please don’t say things like that to-to him.” 

He doesn’t hear Heidi’s response but then Evan’s saying ‘I love you’ and ‘bye’ and then he’s hanging up the phone and turning towards Jared concerned. Ms Kleinman was watching them with thinly veiled interest. 

Evan’s hand had moved from his arm to his back, rubbing soothing circles. “Is this okay?” he asks softly, pausing his movements for a second, ready to move back the second Jared tells him to. Jared nods, rolling his shoulders. He was fine now. Well, as close to fine as he ever was. “She says stuff like that sometimes, she really does mean well.” He’s chewing his lip nervously and Jared turns to look at him. 

“She was totally within her rights to say that. Now, you mentioned something about coffee?” Jared jumps up, putting a happy expression on his face. Evan looks at him warily and lets the topic drop, smiling tightly at Ms Kleinman when she looks between the boys, her expression fond. 

“Is Starbucks okay?” Jared asks, locking the door behind them. His mother and Evan both nod, too busy watching Jared to make sure he was really okay. “You’re staring.” he says dryly, raising an eyebrow at Evan. 

Evan sputters for a second before pursing his lips and just looking at the ground. 

~~~

Once Jared’s mother leaves, he turns to Evan, “so I have to work tonight, but you’re welcome to come with and just hang out, or you can hang out at my place. Or you could go back to your dorm. You don’t have to stick around if you don’t want to.” He adds the last part hurriedly, not wanting Evan to think he had to hang around Jared all the time. 

“O-oh well, I should probably study because, um, midterms are in two weeks, you know?” He shifts from foot to foot, glad he had enough foresight to grab all of his class things from his dorm last night. 

“Yeah, I’ve got to figure out what to do for my photography project. It’s going to kill me.” Jared rolls his eyes before throwing his laptop in his bag and grabbing his camera. Maybe the books would inspire him. Evan inspired him to no end, but Jared wouldn’t go against his wishes. 

“What, um, what does your project need to be?” Evan’s fidgeting again, feeling uncomfortable in the large mass of students that were out and about on campus. 

“It needs to be about how photography has changed something; me, someone else, the world, anything. The directions are super vague.” He rolls his eyes again, wishing that the professor had chosen a different assignment. 

“Um, could you, um, could you use--you could, um, use us?” Evan is blushing darkly and avoiding his gaze. 

“Would you be okay with that Evan?” 

Evan wrings his hands, “well, it’s not like I have to be in all the pictures, and I--I trust you.” He shrugs jerkily, settling his things at a table close to Jared’s desk.

Jared grins at him widely, his happiness apparent on his face. “Evan, you have no idea what that means to me. I’ve got a fantastic idea that I need to email my professor about.” 

Evan smiles shyly back at him as he gets out his laptop and starts excitedly tapping out an email to his professor. His phone chimes and he jerks in surprise. His mother had sent him the picture she’d taken of him and Evan earlier. Things were already coming together. If everything played out as it was in his head, Jared’s project would be the most kickass project in the class. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Evan and Jared finally have a serious talk  
> So TW for talking about self-harm and suicide  
> And since camp nano starts tomorrow, I'll probably go to updating every other day because I'm supposed to be writing 2k words a day in my novel but I promise I'm not abandoning this story

Evan was slumped over on his table, snoring softly. Jared had tried to tell him to go back to his apartment before it got too dark, but Evan had declined. The library was quiet, part of that was due to the fact it was Saturday night, part of that was because their team had won the game last night, most of the sports junkies were out celebrating again. His mom had tried to talk to them about it earlier, but neither boy knew about it, or cared. 

Jared was collecting pictures for his project, smiling to himself at all the old memories. He was creating a collage, starting with the oldest pictures, working towards the newest ones. It was slightly heartbreaking, watching the changes occur between them as they got older. Jared smile got a little less bright, his posture became more false bravado. He also always wore shirts that covered his upper arms. No more pictures by the pool, no more pictures as they were messing around in the summer. He couldn’t remember doing either of those things after high school had started. 

Evan’s smile was shakier as they got older, it lacked the unapologetic glee it once had. Where Jared’s posture became over-confident, Evan’s became unsure, he’d curled in on himself. They started standing farther apart in the later pictures, leaning away from each other. It was clearer now, even though they had been friends, they weren’t close. 

Jared sat back and rubbed his eyes before looking at the clock. It was almost the end of his shift. Thank God the library was so dead, he really needed this head-start on his project. Now he had time to take some newer pictures, to show that things had changed. He had changed. His relationship with Evan was getting stronger. And as much as he hated to admit it, it was because he wasn’t hiding every kind truth behind a horrible insult. 

Jared packs his bag and stands, unconsciously groaning as he stretches. When he looks over at Evan, he was greeted by the sight of tired blue eyes blinking up at him. “Hey Ev, you ready to head back?” 

He rubs his eyes sleepily and Jared almost melts. “Is your shift over already?” He looks around and blinks, surprised to find the library empty. “How long was I asleep?” He stands and stretches, scooping all his things into his bag.

“I dunno, only a few hours. Hey, um, when we get back, can we talk?” 

Jared’s words ignite a panic in Evan that he hadn’t felt for months. Without behind close to anyone, he’d forgotten how terrifying those words were. Suddenly his mind starts racing with all of his ‘transgressions’. He probably thinks Evan’s clingy. He shouldn’t hang around so much. Jared’s probably tired of him. He’s such a bother. He can’t even stand up for himself. Or stay awake long enough to watch Arrow. 

“Evan?” Jared’s voice is full of concern and Evan turns to him with wide eyes. He belatedly realizes where Evan’s brain went, “no, no, no, it’s not bad. It’s just, we haven’t really talked since...since way before. And--And if we’re going to be friends, I--I want to do things right. Which means--which means being honest. Both of us.” He gestures between them as they leave the library. Evan’s still looking at him concerned, but his feelings had eased a bit. 

“It’s just...what your mom said I’ve been thinking about it, all day. There’s some things we need to talk about--some things I’ve got to say. A-and I need you to listen.” He’s fidgeting nervously and Evan reaches over and gently stills his hands before pulling away. 

“I, um, that was okay, right?” He looks so unsure, twisting his fingers in the hem of his shirt. 

“It was fine. Unless something’s really wrong, it’s okay for you to hug me and sit close to me on the couch and stand close to me and all of that. But, that’s not the point of this…” he closes his eyes tightly and rubs his eyes tiredly, groaning when he smudges his glasses. 

He unlocks the door and lets Evan go in ahead of him, trying to collect his thoughts. By the time he’s dropped all his stuff and left his shoes by the door, Evan was sitting at one end of the couch, looking at him expectantly. 

Jared clears his throat awkwardly, not sure how to start. “I know things got rough for me after we stopped talking--hell, things were rough for me before we stopped talking. But I want to be friends with you, and I want to do it right this time. So, because I know you, and I trust you, I want to share some things. And I just need you to know that nothing is your fault. Okay?” 

Evan frowns at him, “Jared, you’re worrying me.” 

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this now.” Jared starts to stand and Evan lays a hand on his arm.

“If you’re not ready to talk, that’s okay, but I--I want us to be like you said,” he drops his hand and starts picking at the couch. 

“O-okay.” Jared takes a deep breath, “so when high school started things got really rough at home. Dad found out I’m gay, then he left. Mom didn’t do so well at first, I really didn’t do well. I took it out on you. I took it out on myself. That’s kind of where everything started.” He’s starting to shake and Evan’s face grows more concerned.

“Jared, what--what do you mean ‘you took it out on yourself’?” Evan’s hands reach for his wrists, his perfect, unscared wrists, and furrow in confusion. Jared pulls away and retreats to his end of the couch to shed his t-shirt. 

“I meant exactly what I said.” He turns his arms so Evan could see the inside of his upper arms. Evan’s eyes catch the silvery scars, some older than others, some relatively recent, and they follow them down to the lines that criss-cross across his hips. “It’s why I stopped going to the pool and hanging out with you in the summer. I didn’t want you to think any different of me. I didn’t want you to think I was weak. That’s what dad said; when he found out. He told me I was weak.” 

Evan surges across the couch to grasp his hands tightly, “no, no, no, Jared. You’re not weak. You’re so strong.” 

He’s not sure when or why Evan started crying, but it just makes him feel worse. “Things were bad, but then he left, and things got better, kind of. I didn’t have insults hurled at me day and night. Home felt safe again. I think that’s why mom tries so hard, ya know? Because she wants to make sure I know she loves me the way I am.” He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

“Mom, she--she, uh, had no idea how bad it got. No one did. I didn’t talk to anyone about this. Then it was kinda just like you could tell. You were an anxious, fidgeting ball of light in my dark world. And yes, I know how cheesy that sounds. Mom was there, and she tried her damndest to make sure I knew I was perfect in her eyes, but we needed to have an actual relationship before I could believe anything she said.

“Before dad left, mom and I weren’t that close. We didn’t talk about anything. But somewhere around junior year she started to notice something was off. I don’t know if she saw my stuff in the bathroom, or if she put it together somehow. But she confronted me one day after school. That’s when things started changing. 

“But I was--and still am--an asshole who couldn’t cope with anything, so I treated you like shit. I made fun of you for stuff you couldn’t control. I was horrible. And it made me feel horrible. But at least I felt  _ something.  _ But it was a self-perpetuating cycle. I wanted to feel something, so I treated you like shit, which made me hate myself, which led to the cutting, which led to the numb, which… well you know.” He takes a moment to breath, tossing his glasses on the table and rubbing his eyes. He was getting one of those headaches that is caused from almost crying. Evan’s hands were still on his and they squeezed supportively. He was going to let Jared finish before saying anything

“But then there was the Connor Project, and finally it felt as if someone understood. It felt like you understood without me having to tell you. Then I realized it. You had Zoe, Alana, the Murphy’s. You didn’t need me. You never did. You were so nice and great, and just like I knew would happen, people finally figured it out.” He lets out a watery chuckle before continuing.

“And when I realized that you didn’t need me, it led my brain to supply me with the conclusion that you didn’t want to be around me. That I was a waste of your time. So, I reverted back to old ways. All the lies--yours and mine--they got to me. The guilt was eating me alive. I felt like I was dying. Then I just lost it. I saw you one day with your perfect friends and your perfect family and I just felt so  _ left out.  _ It was one of those things where you think you’re ready and then the day actually comes and it hurts  _ so much worse  _ that you thought it would.” He’s crying silently now, having a harder time breathing. 

“And--and then you s-said th-the words--the words I’ve h-had coming for--for a l-long t-time. It--it felt like my world had--like it broke around me. I--I could see the pieces--all of them, they were falling around me. I went home and--and I broke into the liquor cabinet. I’d been so close to--to graduation. A few w-weeks at--at the most. I--I needed the liquid courage f-for what I was about to do.” He closes his eyes tightly and looks away from Evan in shame. He didn’t deserve Evan’s steady presence at his side. He wasn’t worthy of someone so forgiving. Someone so kind and supportive.

“Jared,” Evan’s voice breaks and Jared just breaks right along with it.

“I’m so sorry Evan.” He takes a moment, trying to collect himself, needing to finish what he had to say. “I’d been clean for a year and three months. Mom felt okay with leaving knives and things around again. If she--if she hadn’t’ve come home when she did--I--I don’t--” his shoulders are shaking with the force of his tears and suddenly arms are around him. Evan’s holding him tightly, murmuring soft things into his hair.

“Evan,” Jared’s voice is so full of emotion he can practically taste it and he hates himself just a little bit less. “Evan I need to finish.” He pulls back, wiping his face again. “Mom--she came in and found me--I--I felt horrible. I felt like a failure of a son. When dad--when dad heard he--he came all the way down here to--to yell at me. To tell me that I--that I was j-just--just an a-attention s-seeking f-fag. Mom sl-slapped him. I--I’ve never seen her hit anyone. 

“Dad, he left after that, I--I haven’t heard from him since. But Mom and I--we made things  work. She--she and I worked together. She helped put me back together. And I--I was so fucking wrapped up in my own little world that I didn’t realize you were hurting. I’m so sorry.” He finally collapses into Evan’s waiting arms, so, so, so glad that even after all of that, Evan was still here.

“I didn’t fall,” Evan’s soft but steady voice makes Jared pull back. He immediately knew what Evan was referencing. 

“I’m sorry--what?!” 

“I didn’t fall. I let go.” 

Those three words break Jared’s heart. They shatter it into a million pieces and he has no hope of putting it back together on his own. He was horrible. His best friend was hurting and he didn’t even notice. God, he made jokes about Evan’s arm. About him falling from the tree. About all of it. He really was a fuck up. 

“Jared I didn’t tell you that so you could blame yourself.” Evan’s voice is still that soft tone he’d used earlier and it makes Jared want to throw himself out the window. “N-now that you told your story, c-can I tell mine? It’s something you--you should hear.” Evan was still holding his hands, using them now as an anchor. 

“You don’t need to tell me anything just because I told you all of this.” He doesn’t want Evan to feel pressured into sharing anything. That had to be something he did completely on his own.

“I want to.” Evan’s looking up into Jared’s face, his eyes wide and full of mixed emotions; sadness, understanding, regret. “The summer was rough. It, um, it was really bad. Mom was working and--and I was alone...a lot. It let my thoughts get--get away with me. S-so, one day, I--I drove to the orchard and I found the tallest tree. I didn’t leave a note. I figured I was doing everyone a favor.”

At this Jared lets out a pained sound that makes Evan blush with guilt.

“I just started to climb. I climbed until i couldn’t any more. I wanted to feel the sun on my face, one last time, then the branch broke. I caught myself, and then figured that was the universe's way of telling me my time was up. So, I let go.” 

Jared makes another choked sound and goes to hug Evan before stopping abruptly and tugging at his hair instead. “Evan please don’t tell me you still think that? Please tell me you know that you need to be alive and here.” 

Evan nods, letting out a slow breath. “I--I saw myself in Connor, and in Zoe. I saw myself in Alana, in all those broken kids who lay on the ground waiting for someone to notice they were there, sad, broken, and alone. I--I thought you were just jealous of them, that’s what everyone told me. A-and I believed them,” Evan hangs his head in shame and this time Jared does fling himself across the couch to pull him into a crushing hug. Evan hugs him back tightly and lets out a haggard breath. 

“I--I think that’s enough sharing for tonight. Can we just go to bed?” He immediately blushes at the implications of his statement, but Jared doesn’t say anything or make any lewd comments. He just stands and offers Evan a hand, leading him to the bedroom and leaving to finish changing in the bathroom. He tells Evan to knock when he’s done. 

A few minutes later Jared is pulled out of his racing thoughts by a few light taps on the door. He looks at himself in the mirror and is disgusted. His face was red and splotchy, his eyes even more red from crying. When he opens the door, Evan looks similar. He doesn’t ask this time, he just walks into Jared’s arms, needing to reassure himself that Jared was still her, that he was still very much alive.

“C-can I ask...how--how long has it been?” He’s pulled back and had pushed the sleeve of Jared’s shirt up so that his scars were exposed. He shivers slightly at the touch.

“Right after our fight. I wanted to feel something before I downed all the alcohol.” He looks away from Evan, surprised when the taller boy just hugs him tightly, burying his face in Jared’s neck, mumbling something. It takes him a moment to figure it out, but when he does, he’s bordering on furious.

“Evan Hansen, don’t you dare apologize because of choices I made.” He’s holding Evan at arms length away from himself, staring into his face seriously. 

“B-but the fight--”

“Doesn’t matter. Something was bound to set me off eventually. It’s not your fault” Jared waits until Evan nods before letting go and hovering awkwardly for a second. He wasn’t sure what to do now, luckily Evan makes the decision for him. He’s pulling Jared back, back for another hug. Since he had permission to do so whenever he liked, he was going to take advantage of it until Jared told him to stop.

In that moment, Jared had a dangerous thought. He thought that maybe, just maybe he and Evan could help put each other back together. He knows that healing from what they’ve been through is something that they have to do on their own, but it would be so much easier if they had someone there to hand them the broken pieces, someone who would help show them where they belong. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little shorter (Sorry, but campnano is totally kicking my ass this year and i've been hella busy in real life too)  
> But I think the content makes up for it, bc, well, you'll find out.  
> Next chapter, more feelings talk.  
> Thanks for all of your comments and kudos, they're the best thing ever!  
> Let me know what you think!

Evan was standing awkwardly in the doorway to the bathroom, fidgeting awkwardly. “J-Jared?” The question he wants to ask hanging on the single word. 

“C’mon Evan, it’s not a big deal,” Jared doesn’t look at him, blushing furiously. Being this close to Evan all the time might just kill him, but it would be  _ so  _ worth it. Jared was sprawled across the bed, forcing Evan to have to crawl over him to curl up into a small unoccupied piece of the bed. Jared can’t keep his mouth shut, “what, are you afraid I’ve got cooties or something?” 

Evan blushes darkly and stretched out slightly, his legs overlapping one of Jared’s. His face flames and he looks anywhere but at Jared. “I--I wasn’t sure if, um, if this was okay.”

Jared turns on his side, his face going serious again, “I just trusted you with a part of myself not many people know about. And, I told you, any time you want to, it’s okay for you to touch me.” 

“Oh,” Evan says, but it comes out more as an exhale than anything else. He’s not quite courageous enough to do much more than scoot slightly closer to Jared, close enough that they could feel each other’s body heat. Jared grins at him before getting up to turn off the lights and climb under the blankets. He’s surprised by the fact that Evan was closer to the middle of the bed now, rather than being almost in danger of falling off the other side. 

He doesn’t say anything as Jared lays down so that their arms were touching. He doesn’t say anything as Jared’s breathing starts even out and he starts to snore. He doesn’t say anything as Jared twists around in his sleep, flinging a leg across Evan’s and wrapping his arms around him. He doesn’t say anything as Jared murmurs something that sounds dangerously close to his name followed quickly by an apology. 

He does say something when Jared starts to shake, crying without waking up. “Jare, Jared.” He doesn’t know what to do. Growing up, Jared would get nightmares so bad he’d wake himself up, and all Evan had to do was be there when he woke up. They’d never talk about it after the fact, Jared acting as if it just didn’t happen. 

Jared still hadn’t woken up, but now he was thrashing back and forth, tears silently streaming down his cheeks. Evan throws himself on top of Jared, putting his hands on either side of the other boy’s face. “Jared, it’s Evan, you need to wake up now. I’m right here.” One of his hands slips back and starts combing through Jared’s hair. He remembered reading somewhere that, that could be soothing. He hopes it is. 

Jared’s eyes fly open and he sits up quickly, knocking heads with Evan, who scoots back, almost off the bed, holding his nose. He pulls his hands away from his face and sees something dark shine on his fingers. Without another look at Jared he jumps off the bed and runs into the bathroom.  He’s shoved a wad of tissues against his nose, pinching at the bridge before wincing and letting go. 

“Evan?” Jared’s voice makes him jump. He’d followed Evan to the bathroom, feeling horrible about having a nightmare and needing Evan to wake him up, then hitting Evan and giving him a nosebleed. “I’m really sorry.” He’s looking at Evan concerned, slowly stepping closer. Evan had heaved himself up onto the messy bathroom counter, holding the box of tissues on his lap and dropping the used ones into the trashcan just off the side of the counter. 

“It’s fine.” Evan’s speech is impeded by the fact that he’s got a large wad of tissues stuffed at the bottom of his nose, so it comes out more like ‘It’s find’. Jared smiles slightly, moving closer yet. He’s almost between Evan’s knees now, not sure exactly what his end goal is. Cautiously, he reaches up towards Evan’s nose and waits until he nods slightly. 

Evan winces when Jared’s fingers lightly probe his nose, trying to see if it was swollen, and consequently, more likely than not, broken. He’s relieved when it doesn’t seem swollen, just sore. He’d stepped closer while he was looking at Evan’s nose and now he was standing right between Evan’s knees. 

“Are you, um, is your nose…” Jared trails off, not sure exactly what he wants to ask.

“It’s fine. I just bleed for a while because my blood is thin.” Evan sounds like he has a cold and it makes Jared smile slightly, thinking about the time that they both caught the flu growing up. They’d been about seven at the time, he thinks, and Evan had gotten sick first, quickly passing the bug along to Jared. After he’d fallen ill, he’d refused to leave Evan’s side and Heidi had to put up with two snotty, sore second graders. His mom had come over on the second day, and upon hearing his refusal to come home, promptly took up residence on the couch to help Heidi with the two boys. 

As horrible as it was, that was one of Jared’s favorite memories growing up. It had been perfect, like they were one big happy family. 

“Jared?” Evan’s looking down at him concerned, the lower half of his face hidden by tissues and the hand holding them there. Jared blinks and looks up at him, unimpressed by the even more exaggerated height difference between them now. Evan pulls the tissues away from his nose, smiling happily when he sees that his nose had mostly stopped bleeding. 

He leans down slightly to drop them into the trashcan and Jared finds himself almost nose to nose with Evan. His brain short circuits when Evan doesn’t pull away immediately. His heart starts to beat faster and before he can think better of it, he raises up on his tiptoes slightly and presses a soft kiss to Evan’s nose. A pretty blush spreads quickly across Evan’s cheeks as he sits there, still as a statue, afraid to break whatever was going on between them. 

Jared’s eyes dart down to his lips and he starts to lean forward before shaking himself and stepping back quickly. Evan visibly deflates and slouches down. He didn’t know exactly what it was he was feeling towards Jared, but he knew that he really wouldn’t mind kissing him. Jared starts to step back but something makes Evan’s hand shoot out and wrap itself in Jared’s sleeve. 

“W-wait,” he says softly, pulling Jared back towards him slowly. His heart was beating a million miles a minute and his hands were starting to sweat and shake. “J-Jared, I--I--” Evan opens and closes his mouth several times, trying to figure out what he wants to say but not sure exactly what it is that Jared needs to hear. 

“J-Jared,” his voice is soft, almost breakable in the dimly lit space between them. He tries to convey just what it was that he was feeling without saying anything else. He wets his lips and Jared’s eyes track the movement. Evan leans in a fraction of an inch, his eyes darting all over Jared’s face. 

Jared’s hands are resting on the counter on either side of Evan’s hips, loosely curled into fists. Evan moves his hands to Jared’s shoulders, not sure exactly what his plan is. So much about this was beyond Evan’s expectations for the evening, for his relationship with Jared. He figured that he’d be lucky to just be Jared’s friend, let alone something more. 

He knew he was toeing the line of what was acceptable between friends, he and Jared had danced around that line several times, but they’ve never crossed it. Evan thinks he’s getting real close to the point where he’s ready to be saying goodbye to that line in the rearview mirror. 

Jared didn’t have his glasses on and his eyes seem so open, so readable, that it almost makes Evan want to look away. He doesn’t though, and he leans just a little closer, now his and Jared’s noses are almost touching. He’s not sure what he’s doing and his brain stops the little bit of functioning it was doing when he feels Jared gently lay his hands on Evan’s hips. 

“Is this okay?” Jared asks, swallowing roughly. Evan nods slowly, not moving his eyes of Jared’s, letting their noses bump softly. “Evan, what, um, what’re we doing?” Jared’s breath fans over Evan’s face, making his nose wrinkle slightly at the smell. 

“You have morning breath,” he says softly, not answering Jared’s question. Jared smiles softly at him, all hints of humor gone from his face. He moves closer yet and then they’re kissing and it’s so much more than either one of them thought it would be. Then Jared springs back. He looks at Evan like this is the first time he’s seen him. 

Evan misinterprets the look, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He jumps down from the counter and tries to run from the room but Jared catches his arm. 

“Don’t apologize.” 

Evan turns to look at him, eyes scanning his face before pulling away and going back to lie on the bed. He wasn’t ready to confront this new reality yet. This reality where he and Jared danced around each other and kissed in the middle of the night. This reality where Jared was soft and unapologetically there. They were veering dangerously close to feelings territory and Evan knew how much Jared hated talking about feelings, especially late at night. 

Jared comes back into the bedroom a moment later, sitting on the bed next to Evan but not laying down. “We need to talk about this Evan.” 

“Later,” he mumbles, turning away from Jared and lying on his side, facing the wall. 

“Evan!” Jared presses, wanting to know why what just happened, just happened. Evan shakes him off, standing and turning around to glare at him.

“I--I said later, Jared! N-not all of us kn-know how we’re f-feeling all--all the time!” He’s not angry, he’s anxious. Wondering what that means for them, for him, for all of this. Jared backs off, putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender. 

“Evan, I’m sorry. I just--I wanted--I didn’t want you to feel like I--like I forced you into anything. I--” he takes a shaky breath, cool relief flooding his veins when Evan sits back down again.

“Nothing about that seemed forced,” Evan’s voice is soft, and there’s something in it that Jared doesn’t hear very often. He stares at Jared, waiting to see what he would do. Jared just lets the topic drop, laying down and getting back under the covers. Evan blinks at him before following suit, settling closer to Jared this time than he had before. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter featuring cute and comforting boys  
> Next chapter featuring midterms stress (and some angst)  
> Thanks for all of your sweet comments! They're the greatest thing ever!  
> Let me know what you think!

Evan woke first in the morning, unsurprised to find Jared wrapped around him like a koala. He can’t believe that he and Jared kissed last night. Evan wasn’t gay, he was in love with Zoe Murphy for most of high school. Or at least, he had a crush on her. He got all nervous about Zoe, and he just kinda wanted to be close to her. And right now, that’s how he felt around Jared. 

So maybe he had a crush on Jared. Now what? It’s within the realm of possibility that Jared could like him. He did kiss Evan last night. Then Evan remembers that Jared had a nightmare, which means he just wanted contact. And that he probably wouldn’t want to ever talk about it again. That’s how it normally worked when he had nightmares. 

Evan must’ve tensed up while he was thinking because the next thing he knew, Jared was looking at him, sleepy-eyed, but concerned. This is the first time that they’ve both been awake and haven’t sprung apart. That doesn’t strike Evan as coincidental. 

Jared smiles at him shyly before sitting up and pulling Evan with him. “I know you said you wanted to talk later, but we gotta talk soon or I’m going to lose my nerve.” He’s fidgeting and it’s making Evan nervous. How does Jared stay calm when he’s always fidgeting? If their roles were reversed, all of Jared’s fidgeting would make Evan a nervous wreck. 

“O-okay.” Evan’s eyes are already darting all around the room, looking for a way out. It scared him to confront his feelings. To think that there were more serious feelings between them. If they started dating, would that mean Jared was expecting him to stop staying the night unless they were going to have sex? No, probably not, Jared wasn’t like that. At least, Evan didn’t think he was. 

“Listen, I know we just started talking again, but I’ve known you basically my entire life, and I’ve liked you for years. And I know I’m shit at showing it, but I’d really like it if you wanted to be more than friends. If you wanted to be, er, boyfriends?” He’s blushing darkly and his eyes keep darting to Evan’s face only to jerk away again. 

Evan isn’t sure where to start, he knows that he likes the idea of being Jared’s boyfriend and vise versa, but he wants to tell Jared how he feels. Jared’s face is falling by the second, thinking that somehow Evan didn’t like him back. Evan’s hands cross the space between them quickly, finding Jared’s and squeezing tightly. “Just--just give me a second to--to collect my thoughts.” Evan says softly. 

Jared nods and just savors the fact that Evan’s hands were still grasping his tightly. He’s not anticipating a positive answer, he doesn’t even know why he asked. Evan is way too good for him, and he probably knows it. But, even after he and Jared hadn’t spoken for months, he had wanted to go back to being friends again. 

Evan sighs, drawing Jared’s attention. “L-listen. I--I want to be--be boyfriends, or--or whatever it’s called. But--but only if it means that--that I don’t h-have to go back to s-sitting in the library whenever Richard has--has a girl o-over. I--I want some things to ch-change, b-but not, um, not this,” Evan gestures to the space between them and around them. “I--I like you t-too. For--for a while now I think.” 

Jared’s beaming at him, scanning Evan’s face for something as he launches himself into Evan’s arms, knocking them both back onto the bed. Evan was laughing as Jared just hugged him tightly. Jared pulls back and Evan hedges for a moment. Jared looks at him, waiting for him to figure out what he wants to say. 

“I--what about Richard? A-and my dorm.” Evan’s fidgeting, his hands starting to shake. He was so sure of this a moment ago, but now everything was changing and he wasn’t sure that he was ready. 

“What do you mean Evan?” Jared’s looking at him concerned. 

“W-well, with--with me sleeping here…” Evan looks away, still fidgeting endlessly. Jared reaches out and sets his hand lightly on Evan’s.

“Hey, nothing really has to change with us deciding to date. You can stay right here with me as much as you like, just like before. I don’t mean to put extra pressure on you, but you can set the pace for the physical parts of our relationship. I won’t force you into anything you don’t want. The only thing that really changes is we could call each other those dumb couple-y nicknames,” Jared smiles at him softly, wanting--needing Evan to understand. 

Evan was blushing lightly, his eyes darting all over Jared’s face. “O-oh,” he doesn’t know what to say, his fears slowly abating. 

“So, handsome,” Jared says with a wink, “what do you want to do today?” 

Evan chews his lip, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know.”

“We don’t have to do anything.” Jared shrugs, moving to sit with Evan at the head of the bed. After a few seconds of internal deliberation, he scoots over, leaning on Jared’s shoulder, content to doze on and off all morning. Jared happily wraps his arm around Evan, resting his cheek on the top of Evan’s head.

~~~

Evan and Jared didn’t get to see much of each other after Evan went back to his dorm Sunday night. With midterms right around the corner, Evan was stressing more than ever and doing his best to keep it from Jared. He couldn’t hide for much longer though, because he’d agreed to go with Jared to get his stitches removed. 

The appointment was in the student health center in ten minutes, and Evan was there before Jared, pacing awkwardly, unsure what he was supposed to do. Jared bursts into the door a few moments later, rushing over to Evan and collapsing into his open arms.  

“Are you okay?” Evan asks, looking down at Jared concerned. Jared was shaking slightly, pressing himself tightly to Evan. 

“I, um,” he presses his lips together tightly, trying to stop shaking. Being vulnerable was something Jared was learning to do. He wanted to be able to share his entire self with Evan, not just the parts he was more okay with. Evan pulls them over to the chairs by the side of the room. 

“Jared, please talk to me,” Evan leans his forehead against Jared’s, wanting to be there for him. 

“Needles and--and stitches.” Jared mumbles, dropping his head to Evan’s shoulder. Frowning, Evan rubs his back lightly, not sure what to do. Jared was breathing normally, just shaking slightly. The nurse calls his name, and he jumps, his breathing picking up. Evan links their hands, squeezing tightly. 

“I’m right here Jare,” Evan pulls him towards the nurse. Jared latches onto his arm and lets himself be pulled along, relying on Evan to keep him upright and moving in the right direction instead of towards the door. They’re ushered into a small room and Jared starts to pace. 

Evan grabs his arm and pulls him to his chest. He wraps Jared in a tight hug, keeping him from moving and making himself more anxious. The door bangs open and Jared jumps, Evan’s hold on him the only thing that keeps him from jumping nearly to the ceiling. 

“Jared Kleinman?” the nurse asks kindly. He nods shakily and Evan releases his hold on Jared enough that he can sit down. The nurse lightly takes Jared’s injured hand and unwraps it. The cuts along it looked remarkably better, but the sight of the stitches made both boys nauseous. 

“Ev,” Jared’s voice is shaking almost as much as the rest of him. Evan squeezes his hand tightly, bending down to wrap an arm around Jared’s neck. Jared leans back against him, his eyes shut tightly and his face pressed into Evan’s neck. After a few moments the nurse re-wraps his hand and lets it drop. 

“You’re done.” She smiles at them before motioning for them to follow her back to the front of the building. Jared stands on shaky legs and doesn’t loosen the death-grip he has on Evan’s hand. 

“You good?” Evan looks down at him worriedly, frowning at how ashen Jared had gone. 

“Uh,” he pulls the bandage away from his hand and starts to sway. Evan rushes towards his dorms as Jared drags his feet more and more. Then, for Jared, the world goes dark, and Evan sweeps him up into his arms. Luckily it was an off time on campus, so there weren’t many people to stare at them. 

He manages to barge his way into his dorm and finds it blessedly empty. Richard must be out on a date. Evan looks around for a few seconds before lying Jared on the bed and dropping into his desk chair. The closer midterms got, the more he cram-studied. He was ready for it to be Thanksgiving and then he could go home for a few days. 

He’d been up late the last couple nights, trying to finish up some term papers with little success. The door bangs open and Evan swivels in his chair to glare at Richard and the girl he had on his arm. Richard looks between him and Jared, and scoffs before turning on his heel and leading the girl away. 

Jared makes a noise from the bed and Evan’s at his side in an instant. He stands next to Jared’s head, running a gentle hand through his hair. Jared’s eyes flutter open and when he sees Evan he smiles sleepily, “hey cutie.”

“Hi Jared,” Evan smiles as he blushes darkly. 

“I’ve got a rotten headache. When did we get here?” He blinks slowly and reaches out for Evan. 

He lets Jared pull him onto the twin bed, smiling down at him. “You didn’t fare so well after looking at your stitches.” He’d replaced the bandage after putting Jared down, not wanting a repeat of earlier. 

“O-oh, that makes sense.” Jared doesn’t seem inclined to move as he wraps his arms snugly around Evan’s middle. 

“Jare, I’ve gotta study.” Evan protests weakly, not really trying to stand up.

“It can wait. Let’s just have a nap or something.” He smiles up at Evan, sighing happily. Evan smiles down at him and presses a gentle kiss to Jared’s forehead. 

“Fine. Just a short one,” he concedes, squeezing himself between Jared and the rail of the bed.

“Wait a second,” Jared says, looking over the rail of the bed and down to the ground. “This bed is lofted, how did I get up here?” 

Evan blushes and looks away, rubbing his neck awkwardly, shrugging nonchalantly. 

“Did you get me up here by yourself?” Jared rolls to look at him, his face impressed. 

“Um, yes, yes I did.”

Jared gapes at him as he blushes darker. “You are even more incredible than I thought,” he says with a smile, wrapping himself around Evan before he dozes off. Evan smiles and hugs Jared to his chest tightly, thinking that this was much more comfortable in Jared’s bed than on the crappy, school-provided one in his dorm.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahaha there's finally some angst in the plot so (hopefully) buckle your seatbelt bc you're about to (probably) be on the pain train   
> (PS Don't worry, I'll fix it. I basically always write happy endings)  
> Next chapter theres talking, oh and Jared's photography project  
> Thanks for all of your kind words (i'm still hanging them on my wall!)  
> And, as always, let me know what you think!

Evan’s phone was ringing for the third time in a row. He’d been ignoring it all morning, trying to cram study for his third exam. He’d told Jared to only call him in emergencies...Oh My God. Jared was calling him and Evan was ignoring him and he was a horrible boyfriend and Jared was going to break up with him and hate him forever. 

He falls from his desk chair in a rush to get to his phone. He relaxes when it’s not Jared’s picture flashing across the screen, but his mom’s. He looked at the time and realized that his mom was calling because they spoke on the phone every week at this time. He’d missed their weekly phone call. He was a horrible son who couldn’t pass any of his midterms and he was going to flunk out of college and he really needs to answer the phone. 

“Hi mom!” He tries to make his voice as cheery as possible. 

“...hi Evan. Is everything okay?” There’s a clatter in the background that sounds like she’s at work.

“Y-yeah! Fine! Just--just studying for my exam tonight.” He winces at the tone of his voice he sounded like he was hiding something. And he technically was, he hadn’t told her yet about Jared. He wasn’t even sure that she knew he liked guys. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry honey, I forgot you had a test tonight! I’ll let you get back to studying and you can call me when you’re done! Oh, and before I forget, Mrs Kleinman called me today and invited us over for Thanksgiving! Isn’t that nice!?” His mom sounded so excited. She and Jared’s mom were best friends, had been for as long as Evan could remember. It’s why he and Jared were friends. 

“O-oh, that sounds like fun,” Evan was secretly pleased that they were spending Thanksgiving together, it took the pressure off of him to try and figure out how to split his time between his mom and Jared. He didn’t get to see his mom nearly as much because he went so far away for school and he missed her. They’d really worked on their relationship after everything that happened senior year. 

“Yeah! Okay honey, I’ll let you get back to studying now! You’re gonna do great! I’m so proud of you! Love you!” Her voice oozed with pride and it made Evan smile slightly.

“Love you too,” Evan says softly before disconnecting. Someone clears their throat behind him and he whirls around. Jared was standing in the door, his face uncharacteristically blank. 

“I thought you were studying this morning,” he says carefully, eyeing the phone in Evan’s hand. 

“I--I call my mom every week at this time. A-and I forgot this week, so--so she called me to--to check up on me,” he turns away from Jared before adding softly, “because I’m such a screw-up.” He hugs himself and waits for the door banging closed, signaling that Jared had left. 

Instead, he’s surprised when arms go around him from behind. Jared rests his chin on Evan’s shoulder. “You’re not a screw-up Ev,” His voice is soft and his breath tickles Evan’s ear. It makes him shiver and Jared smiles in response. “Sorry,” he says after a moment.

“For what?” Evan turns around in his arms, wrapping his around Jared’s neck. 

“For being all weird. I thought you were just avoiding me or something…” He looks from away from Evan, his face ashamed. He was getting better at talking to Evan about his feelings, but he was still embarrassed by the fact that he wasn’t always happy and confident. Evan’s hand brushes over his cheek lightly. 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m just stressed.” He rests his head against Jared’s, feeling bad for making Jared feel this way. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with his boyfriend right now, but he needed to study for this test. He already hated chemistry and he knew the exam would be rough. 

“I was just being stupid, it’s fine. Not your fault. Can I stay here and study if I’m quiet?” He asks, pulling back and grinning at Evan. He knows if Jared stays he won’t get much studying done, Jared just captured too much of his attention, but ever since midterms started and Jared had been trying to finish his photography project, they hadn’t gotten to see much of each other. 

“Yeah,” Evan sighs, going back to his desk to grab his chem textbook and sit next to Jared on the bed. Jared looks over his shoulder at the practice problems he was working on.

“I--I think I could help you with that...if--if that’s something you’d like,” he offers softly. Jared actually really liked Chemistry. He took it as a junior and loved it, so he moved on to AP as a senior and somehow got a five. 

Evan looked over at him, wide-eyed, “you’d do that?” 

“Yeah, I’d be happy to.” Jared smiles at Evan. “Can I have a spare piece of paper?” Evan nods and carefully takes one out of his binder. “Thanks, okay so if you want to start with this one,” he gestures to the one Evan was currently working on, “you’ll need to know how many moles are collected in the situation they describe.” 

Jared is a slow and methodical teacher, and Evan actually feels like he might know something finally. He and Jared fall asleep in a heap on the bed, textbooks and papers scattered around them. 

Richard bangs into the room around one in the morning and Jared just flips him off from his spot on Evan’s bed before rolling over and pulling Evan to his chest. 

~~~

Thanks to Jared, Evan actually did really well on his Chemistry midterm. He’d told his mom that he and Jared were dating, and asked what to do to thank him. She’d suggested flowers. Evan had anxiously purchased flowers at the nearby grocery, not sure if Jared would appreciate it or not. 

The closer he got to Jared’s apartment, the more anxious he got. He puts the flowers behind his back, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt with his free hand. He knocks on Jared’s door, chewing his lip. 

The door opens slightly, not enough for him to get in, or Jared to look out and Evan tries to see around the door, confused. “Jared, is everything okay?” 

“Fine. What’re you doing here?” There’s something off about his voice. Jared normally had this tone when he was being self-destructive, which didn’t make any sense.

“I--I came to th-thank you…” he trails off uncertainly. 

“You came to th-thank me?” Jared hadn’t made fun of Evan’s stutter since they’d started talking again. But, Evan figured, all good things must come to an end. He knew that this could’ve only ended poorly. Why did he ever think otherwise? He always fucked everything up eventually. Why would this be any different? 

“I--I just--”

Jared cuts him off, “you’re wasting my very valuable time, and the rest of the world’s very valuable air, so just get to the point.” It sounded like Jared was crying. But that couldn’t be right… Jared never cried. Well, that wasn’t true. Evan had see Jared cry a total of three times while they were friends. The first time; when his pet dog died; they were eight. The second time; when his dad left for the first time; they were fourteen. The third and final time; the last argument they had during senior year; it ended with both of them in tears. 

“Jared, are you okay?” Evan tries to make out Jared’s silhouet around the crack in the door.  

“Not all of us are fucking broken,” Jared spits, trying to slam the door on Evan, who had his foot wedged in the crack.

“Wh-why’re you s-saying these--these things?” Evan could feel his eyes watering, traitorous things. 

“They’re true aren’t they?” Jared’s voice is shaking now and Evan just wants to know what he did wrong. “I don’t want you here Evan. You’re too clingy.”

It was like Evan’s worst nightmare was coming true, right before his eyes. Jared had promised him never to say things like that. He knew that Evan was incredibly insecure about his stutter and physical contact. 

“J-Jared, I don’t--I don’t understand. What--what did I do wrong?”

Jared shoves the door closed more, making Evan cry out slightly as he tries to free his foot. “What the fuck do you think?” He says like Evan would know. 

His brain runs through their last interaction, Jared had helped him with Chemistry and then they had taken a nap. That couldn’t be what made him mad, Jared was the instigator of that. 

“You really have no fucking idea,” Jared’s voice breaks just as Evan’s heart does. When Jared was like this, he wouldn’t pull any punches, he’d go right for the jugular. Evan could already feel himself teetering on the mental precipice of stability. He didn’t understand what made Jared like this. He just needed it to stop. He needed to be able to pretend to be normal. He could transfer to the community college by his house. Walk every day. Then no one would know, not like Jared knows. No one would know how horrible he was or how fucked up he was or how needy he was. 

“T-take them.” His voice is quaking and he could bathe in self-loathing he had so much right now. He’s scrubbing at his face angrily as he races away from Jared’s apartment, ignoring Jared calling after him, asking him to wait. 

He’s ugly crying by the time he gets back to his dorm and it makes him glad that he’s done with midterms now. He calls his mom, not sure that she can understand him through all the tears. All he knows when they hang up is that she’s coming to get him. He was supposed to ride back with Jared, but now he couldn’t even think about Jared without crying. 

He doesn’t move from his spot on the bed when Richard comes and goes a few times, or when there’s a frantic knock on his door. The door isn’t locked and for that he’s grateful. His mother is at his side in a matter of seconds, prying his hands from the death-grip he’d had on his arms. He didn’t even realize that he’d been digging his nails into the soft flesh of his inner arm. There were little red crescents all the way up and down the inside of his forearms. 

She puts her hands on his face, pulling him half off the bed and into her arms, “oh Evan, what happened?” He scoots back and she climbs up on the bed with him. 

“J-Jared and I we--we had a fight. H-he--he” Evan dissolves into sniffles, trying to keep himself from crying anymore. His mom hugs him to her, rubbing her hand up and down his back. There’s pounding on the door but neither one of them move. 

Jared’s voice comes through the door, “Evan, open the door, please.” He sounded so broken it made Evan furious. He had no right to feel that way. He was the one that flew off the handle. He couldn’t have honestly expected Evan to just put up with all of that and just come back the moment he called. 

Evan’s only response is to throw his phone at the door and look at his mom apologetically before shouting “FUCK OFF JARED” His voice only wavering slightly. 

There’s a thump on the other side of the door, signaling that Jared slid down against the other side. Heidi moves to get up and then there’s another voice outside the door. Richard. The voices escalate and it’s clear that they’re arguing. Several loud thumps later, Evan struggles to climb from the bed to make sure Jared’s okay. 

Even if they’re fighting, he doesn’t want Jared to have to face Richard alone, not that he could be much help. But he wanted to do  _ something _ . He wrenches open the door and sees both boys with bloody noses, although, Jared looked considerably worse. He was covered in bruises and cuts and it made Evan’s rarely seen temper flare. Richard moves towards Jared and he flips them both off and takes off down the hall. 

Richard tries to brush past Evan and into the room, but Evan stands his ground. “No. What did you do?” 

Richard just smiles viciously and uses his added height to shove Evan out of his way. Heidi clears her throat from the bottom of the bed and Richard turns on the charm. “Ms Hansen, what a lovely surprise.” 

She narrows her eyes at him and smacks into his shoulder roughly on her way to Evan’s side. “Keep in mind son, I’m a nurse, that means I know how to disassemble a body in the way that would cause the most pain with the least amount of mess.” Her threat is delivered with a deadly smile and it makes Richard take a step back. He was suddenly rethinking some pretty critical decisions. Heidi just guides Evan from the room and leaves Richard to marinate in his fear. There was a plot afoot and she intended to figure out just what was going on. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So prepare for feelings talk  
> the boys aren't perfect, but they're trying so hard  
> (Sorry I hurt you with the last chapter this one should make up for it and so should the next one)  
> Let me know what you think!!

A bunch of Richard’s frat buddies had jumped Jared on his way from his last exam. They’d told him that he’d picked a fight with the wrong person, and right now, he’d be the only one paying the price. He could deal with that. They could punch the shit out of him if it meant they’d leave Evan alone. 

But there was a catch. Of course there was. There was always a catch. Jared had to break up with Evan. He refused. Adamantly. Until they told Jared what they had planned for Evan if he didn’t listen. He wanted to call someone, tell someone, but he wasn’t sure who. He’d seen the news, these popular frat boys never paid for any of their crimes. 

He just wanted Evan to be safe. He wanted Evan to be happy. And while he was sure that breaking up would hurt Evan’s feelings right now, he’d really be better off. He deserved someone so much better than Jared. Someone so much less broken and less likely to lash out. 

They’d left him there, and he was pretty sure nothing was broken. As painful as all of the cuts and bruises were, they weren’t the kind of punches thrown to inflict pain. It was unpainfully obvious that no one had ever shown them how to throw a punch to inflict maximum damage. Sure, it hurt like hell, but at least they were untrained, or Jared might not even be conscious right now. 

So he’d staggered back to his apartment and had thrown himself on the couch, a bag of frozen peas across his face to try and keep the swelling down. Then someone was knocking on his door and wait a second, Jared knew that knock. It was Evan. Shit. This was not what he needed right now. He couldn’t break up with Evan. Not in a million years. Evan was the best thing that had ever happened to him, so the next obvious choice was to get Evan to break up with him. 

He turns his inner criticisms towards Evan, knowing that they shared several of the same insecurities, and it was almost too easy to slip back into the jackass he’d been, rather than the man he was beginning to become. Then Evan had declared their relationship over, had thrown a bouquet of flowers at his feet and the few seconds it took Jared to throw caution to the wind had been too long. 

Evan was walking--no running away from him. He sinks to the ground in front of his apartment, cradling the now crushed flowers in his arms. He’d fucked up so royally that he should call the Guinness Book of Records. Why had he ever thought those douches would be a difficult fight? He was just getting ready to go to the campus police station when his phone rang. His mom’s photo blinked across the screen. 

“JARED KLEINMAN! YOU HAD BETTER EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW AND IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD! I BET YOU CAN GUESS WHO I JUST GOT OF THE PHONE WITH.” His mother hadn’t been this mad since his and Evan’s last fight. 

“I know mom,” his voice breaks and he goes into his apartment so he isn’t crying on his doorstep. 

“YOU HAD BETTER! WHAT THE FUCK JARED?!” 

“I know mom. I feel horrible. Can I just explain?” He wants her to tell him what to do. He should’ve gone to her in the first place. She makes an unimpressed noise, signalling for him to continue, “Evan’s roommate is a douche. And he’s in a frat. And he picked a fight with Evan. So I picked a fight with him. So his buddies picked a fight with me. They jumped me while I was leaving my final this morning, and after they beat the shit out of me they told me what I had to do or else they would--they would--they would do horrible things to Evan. 

“I--I had to break up with him. It’s--it’s the only way to protect him. But--but then, he--I--I said these horrible things to--to get him to break up with me, b-because--because I couldn’t p-possibly break up with him. A-and--and he deserves so much better anyways… “ Jared’s voice is shaking by the end and his mother sighs deeply.

“You’re right. He deserves better than you trying to make his choices for him. You guys, you’ve been a team for as long as I can remember, and I can’t ever see that changing. So get off your ass and explain it to him. Love ya.” She makes a kissing noise into the phone before hanging up.

Jared limps his way to Evan’s dorm, desperately wanting to see Evan with his own eyes, to make sure he’s okay. Heidi’s car is in the parking lot, and Jared knows that’s a bad sign. God, he was so horrible. Evan only called Heidi to come get him after his worst panic attacks. Jared had caused that. He did that. 

“Evan, open the door, please,” his voice breaks as he feels tears start to fall down his cheeks. He’d been crying once already since Evan left. He’d cried while he picked flowers up off his doorstep. He’d cried explaining this to his mom. Hell, he’d been crying when he realized that it was Evan at his door this morning. 

Evan’s only response is a muted, but still angry “FUCK OFF JARED”

He  _ needed  _ Evan to understand, even if he didn’t forgive him. 

Then, the last person he wanted to see comes around the corner. Jared’s up from his spot by the door in seconds. “Hey asshat, I want to renegotiate,” he growls, settling into a sturdier stance. 

“Hm,” Richard puts his finger by his mouth thoughtfully, “no.” He shakes his head and purses his lips, moving to shove past Jared and into the dorm. Jared lets his fists do the talking as he manages to land two good hits before Richard hits him hard enough for his nose to start bleeding. 

“I urge you to reconsider.” Jared was ready to pull out all the stops, starting with the police. He just needed to get Evan back, he needed Evan to keep himself sane. As unhealthy as it was, Jared relied on Evan to keep him grounded. 

Richard gets ready to reply but then the door is jerked open and Evan’s standing there and he looks like shit and Jared wishes he could beat himself up. He flips Richard off and then leaves, knowing he couldn’t accomplish much until he had more than just some words on his side. 

~~~

Evan and Daniel had been closer friends ever since they had to do that presentation together. They texted frequently--not as frequently as Evan and Jared had, but several times a week normally. Daniel had noticed the way Evan’s replies had changed since Tuesday and asked what had happened. 

Reluctantly, Evan had told him, glad that he trusted Daniel enough to consider him a friend. Daniel was beyond pissed at Jared, but Evan just found himself in a state of useless apathy. He was home with his mom again, and she’d actually managed to get a few days off to spend with him. 

He briefly wondered why Jared hadn’t bothered to come by, but pushed it from his mind when his mother started asking him what was wrong. He’d called his therapist for the first time in weeks, asked her what to do with all of this pent up energy that he’d acquired. They’d suggested running. Evan decided to give it a try and figured out that he really liked it. 

So now, every day he’d get up at seven thirty and go for a run. As he built up endurance, he stayed out longer and longer, enjoying the power he felt every time he could run a little faster. The feeling running gave him was something he was beginning to crave, he loved it. Running also provided him with a distraction, he got to just run and focus on breathing and each foot fall, and nothing else. 

~~~

Jared had been by to see Evan and try and explain several times, but Heidi wouldn’t let him in, saying that before he got to see Evan, he had to prove to her that he deserved another chance. She knew Evan would forgive him, he always forgave everyone, especially Jared, she just had to make sure that he deserved it, that he wouldn’t keep hurting Evan. 

She couldn’t keep getting these calls where Evan was crying like he’d been when he called her from school. It nearly sent her into a panic because the first time she’d gotten a call like that from Evan was right before he tried to kill himself the first time. He’d called her to say goodbye. The second time she’d gotten a call like that was right before he was getting ready to jump from that tree. Once again, he’d called to say goodbye. 

Besides the call from his dorm, she’d only gotten a call like that from Evan one other time, the day that he and Jared had, had their fight last year. She’d already been on her way home when she’d gotten that call, luckily, and had gotten to him before he could do anything. 

Evan had just left for his morning run when the doorbell rings. It was none other than Jared Kleinman.

“Ms Hansen, if now’s okay, I’d like to explain what happened.” He’d asked his mom not to say anything, wanting Evan’s mom to hear it from him, wanting her to understand. He’d already filed a police report, needing to do so while the injuries were fresh.

She steps back and lets him in, motioning for him to go to the kitchen. She offers him a cup of coffee, which he declines, before sitting down at the table and waiting for him to start.

“First, I want to tell you, I love your son. And I’m broken, but I’m trying my best to fix myself, and Evan deserves so much more than I know I can be, but if he’d have me back, it would make me the happiest man on the planet.” Jared’s not looking at her, he’s playing with his hands instead. 

“When you get along, you guys are so great for each other, but when you don’t, I worry about Evan every second he’s alone. Two of the four times I’ve gotten frantic calls from Evan were because you guys had a fight. It’s not good for him, and it’s not good for me, and I’m sure it’s not good for you.” Heidi frowns, knowing that Jared had his own issues, but that didn’t mean he got to just ignore Evan’s. 

“I know.” Jared glares at his lap. “I--I don’t deal well with our fights either. Which is so bad, because normal couples have to fight…”

“Not like you guys do. When you fight, it’s never about what you’re actually fighting about. It’s about landing as many below the belt hits as possible.” She knows how their arguments get, Evan shared almost everything with her now. Including his questions at why Jared hadn’t been by. It broke her heart to lie to him, but it would break her heart more if he kept getting hurt.

“It’s not always like that. Just the really bad ones. And I’m working on it. Evan makes me want to be a better man, he makes me a better man.” Jared’s voice is soft, he hadn’t told anyone this, not even his own mother. Heidi just nods, that was just like her son, he always wanted to help people, even if he wasn’t willing to ask for help himself. 

“So, to really understand what happened, the first thing you need to know is that Evan’s roommate, he’s a bad guy.” Jared knows Evan didn’t want her to know, but she deserved to.

“I met Richard the last time I was in Evan’s dorm,” Heidi says grimly, her tone telling Jared exactly what she thought of Evan’s roommate. 

“Well, he’d been picking on Evan pretty bad, and he kicks Evan out of the room whenever he decides to have a girl over, so Evan used to spend a lot of time in the library. Richard is also in a frat, and his frat buddies like to pick on Evan, they’d called him names, really horrible ones, and I never saw how far they went when I wasn’t around, but it seems like sometimes they were pretty bad.” 

Heidi was watching with a progressively more outraged expression on her face. 

“And so I stood up for him, and they started harassing him about us. Well, I might’ve broken Rich’s nose during one such altercation. That made him leave Evan alone, but you see, this frat, they couldn’t let that slide, so on Tuesday after my last midterm a bunch of them jumped me. They beat me up pretty bad, and then they told me that I deserved it and more. But they’d settle for one thing. I had to break up with Evan.” He avoids looking at her, not wanting to see any judgement in her eyes. 

Heidi’s grip on the edge of the table was so tight her knuckles were white. She was nearly shaking with fury.

Jared clears his throat, steeling himself. “I said no. I knew that in a fair fight I could’ve taken them, and they knew it to. Which is why they stacked the deck. They threatened Evan, told me if I didn’t break up with him that they’d do all sorts of things, things I’m not willing to repeat and that I don’t want to think about. So, like the coward I am, I rationalized it. I knew that Evan was too good for me, and when he realized it, he’d find someone worthy of his time, like Daniel.”

“Daniel?” Heidi asks, clearly confused. The name sounded familiar, and she was pretty sure that Evan had talked about him, but not in the way that Jared clearly thinks he did.

“That’s a story Evan needs to tell you. But anyways, I’m a coward, and I knew that Evan was the best thing in my life so I couldn’t break up with him. So, the best plan I could come up with--”

“Was to get him to break up with you,” she finishes for him, the pieces starting to click together. 

“And so I figured that I’d just not talk to him until at least my face is better, but--but he showed up, to--to thank me, God knows why, and--and I just lost it. I saw him standing there and I thought about all the things those guys would do  _ because of me  _ and--and I wanted to protect him. But--but breaking up, it hurt him more than I thought it would. Some--some part of me always thought that he was, I dunno, dating me out of pity or because I was familiar.” Jared’s shoulders are shaking as he curls in on himself. 

“He wouldn’t do that,” Heidi says softly, patting him on the shoulder.

“Logically, I know that. But--but then mom she--she called me. And she talked some sense into me. I--I tried to apologize. But Rich was there. And--and we fought. And I let him hit me because--because I deserved it. And then mom she came and we filed a police report.”  Jared’s hugging himself, wishing for Evan to be here to hug him. Evan’s hugs were the best hugs ever. 

“Why didn’t you just go to the police to begin with?” Heidi asks gently, trying to make it sound less like the accusation it was.

“I was hurting, and terrified, and you’ve seen the news, frats never get held accountable. I know that’s not a worthy explanation, but I want to ask him for another chance more than anything.” 

The garage door opens and Heidi stands. “If he’ll listen to you, you’ve got it. But this isn’t the last time we’re going to talk about any of this.” She looks at him and leaves the room.

Evan freezes in the doorway, his eyes glued to Jared. “Wh-what’re you doing here? I--I thought you didn’t want to see--to see me.” He’s fidgeting awkwardly, a bunch of different emotions flashing across his face before he settles for a hurt expression.

Jared stands, his chair screeching back across the floor, “that is so far from the truth.” 

“Then why--why haven’t you--you said all those things,” Evan’s voice is shaking already and he just wants to run away. 

“Richard’s frat buddies, they jumped me, beat me up, threatened you unless I did what they said. I just wanted to protect you.” Jared sounded so defeated. 

“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” Evan’s trying his damndest but it still comes out wounded and defensive.

“I was scared of what they’d do to you,” Jared admits quietly. Then Evan’s across the room, standing right in front of him, studying his face. “Will you give me another chance? I’ll do anything.” He longs to reach out, but he’s not sure how much Evan would be okay with right now. 

“Jared I forgave you days ago. I forgave you almost right after it happened. I thought  _ I  _ screwed up. I thought I did something to make you hate--hate me. And with all those things you said… Jared you already know I’m a mess and I can’t function on my own. And you know that anytime, anyone gets mad around me I think it’s my--my fault. You had to know I’d lose my mind trying to figure out what else is wrong with me.”

It breaks Jared’s heart to hear that Evan thinks that he’s got so much wrong with him. “It wasn’t just because I wanted to protect you. I know you’re way too good for me, and one day you’ll realize it and you’ll find someone who’s worth your time and you’ll leave me. Hell, I’d leave me, if I could. I thought it would be better for you if I--” 

“--if you made my choice for me?” Evan interrupts, his emotions getting the better of him. How could Jared think that he wasn’t good enough? It was the opposite. Evan was a broken mess, and sure Jared had his issues, but it was nothing compared to Evan. “Jared, you keep insisting that you want to protect me, but if this is your idea of protection, I’m going to need someone to protect me from you.” His voice is soft but it doesn’t soften the blow at all.

Evan’s words feel like someone’s stabbed Jared in the chest. All of the fight leaves his body and he collapses into the chair he was sitting in moments ago. “I’m so sorry Evan. If I could go back in time and do it all over, I’d go straight to the police and call you on the way there.” Jared sounds so broken that it tugs Evan’s heartstrings. He did that. No. Jared made his choices, and if this is how he comes to terms with them, that’s not on Evan. 

“You did go to the police, didn’t you?” Evan asks softly, squatting in front of Jared’s chair. Jared nods in response. “Good. What did they say?” 

“They opened an investigation. And the university is having their own investigation to see if they should pull funding,” Jared mumbles, still feeling horrible. 

“That’s good. Jared please never do something like that again.” Evan leans his forehead on Jared’s leg, feeling ready to collapse. Jared puts his hand on Evan’s head lightly, waiting for him to say no or push his hand off. 

“I won’t. I promise. I won’t do anything like this ever again. God, I missed you so much. I’m such garbage when you’re not around.” Jared tries to keep the bitterness from his voice and fails. Evan stands and before his face can fall too much, Evan’s grabbing his hand and shouting to his mom that they’ll be back before pulling Jared towards the garage. “Where are we going?” 

Evan doesn’t answer, he just pulls Jared down the street until they get to a little culvert. He sits and drapes his legs over the edge of the small bridge. Jared follows suit. “Jared, you’re not garbage. You’re dealing with issues, and you’ve gotten so much better. You’re trying so hard, and that’s as much as anyone can ask for. But you shouldn’t look to me to complete you. I’d do just about anything for you but--but please don’t look to me to complete you. Two broken halves don’t--they don’t make a whole.” 

Jared looks a little confused, not sure where Evan was going with this.

“Don’t look to me to complete you, but I’m always here for you to lean on. I’ll even carry you sometimes if you need it. I’m right here to help you up, to hold you up. I’m not your other half though, I’m your--I’m your partner.” Evan ends his passionate little speech by turning to look at Jared, willing him to understand what he’s not saying. Understand that he’s not going anywhere.

Jared leans forward and rests his forehead on Evan’s savoring the contact. “Thank you Evan. You’re so much more than I des--” 

Evan puts a hand over Jared’s mouth, surprising both of them. “Don’t start that, please.” Evan’s voice is soft, even in the small space between them and it makes Jared fall just a little bit more in love with him. Their noses brush and Jared leans forward slightly and then they’re kissing for the first time in a week and it feels like home and both boys finally feel like they can breathe again.


	14. Chapter 14

After a moment, Evan pulls back. He rests his head against Jared’s, missing this more than he realized. “J-Jared, please--please don’t try and m-make my choice for--for me again.” his voice was soft and shaking slightly.

“I won’t. I promise I won’t. I just thought you deserved better than me. And that you finally figured it out too.” 

Evan sighs. Jared seemed to be stuck on the train of thought that Evan would suddenly wake up and declare himself better than Jared. He pulls back, a serious look on his face, intending to put an end to this conversation once and for all. “Jared, that’s--that’s not how this works. I--I won’t just wake--wake up one day and--and realize that I--that I’ve stopped--stopped l-loving you because you’re ‘not--not good enough’.” He’s looking away from Jared, his face pink.

“You what?” 

Evan chews on his lip and stands, facing away from Jared, too embarrassed for words.

“Evan,” Jared says softly, slowly reaching out for the other boy, waiting for him to object. “Can I show you something?” 

He’d been wanting to show Evan his photography project at Thanksgiving, telling Evan that he was one of the things he was most grateful for, but now was the best time. Evan needed reassured, and this was the best way Jared could think of. He couldn’t just say ‘I love you’ back, because then Evan would think he felt obligated to. 

Eventually Evan nods slowly, letting Jared pull him back towards his house and inside long enough to tell his mom that he and Jared were going to Jared’s house for a bit. Heidi hums and gets on her phone, presumably to call Jared’s mom and tell her about the latest development. 

The ride to Jared’s house is quiet, with Evan sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window stoically. Jared reaches his hand across the center consul, palm up, waggling his fingers to get Evan’s attention. Evan hesitantly laces their fingers together, looking at their joined hands with something unreadable on his face. 

They get there and Jared’s mom throws open the door as they’re getting out of the car. “Heidi just told me what you said!” 

The blood drains from Jared’s face this was not what he needed right now, he did not need his mom to tell Evan about his feelings, that was something Evan needed to hear straight from Jared. 

“Mom, please, no.” 

His pleas go unheard as his mother keeps talking, “why didn’t you tell me you love Evan!?” 

Evan looks at him eyes wide. 

“Mom! I haven’t told Evan that I love Evan,” he hisses, glaring at his mother. She looks between them with wide eyes before scurrying back inside the house. 

Evan’s standing next to the car, eyes wide as saucers as he blinks at Jared. “You--you--you--er” his brain seemed to have short circuited. 

“I really wanted to tell you. I had this grand gesture all planned out.” Jared gestures around them expansively as he’s speaking before just shrugging and stepping in front of Evan hesitantly. 

“You, um,” he gestures to Jared a few times, trying to collect his thoughts, but his brain was clearly still not functioning properly. 

“I love you, Evan.” Jared cradles Evan’s face in his hands, touching their foreheads together. He feels moisture under his fingers and pulls back, confused. Evan was crying and grinning at him. As Jared starts to put away, Evan’s hands fly up and keep his hands where they are. 

“I--I love you t-too Jared.” He’s grinning widely, and he’s got an expression on his face like he couldn’t believe this was happening. Jared returns his grin before resting his forehead back against Evan’s, rubbing their noses together softly. It makes Evan blush darkly as he closes his eyes and sighs contentedly. 

“Let’s go inside, I still want to show you something.” Jared pulls back and nearly breathes the words. Now that he had Evan back he didn’t want to let him go, so he wraps his arm around Evan’s waist. 

He pulls Evan up to his room where he had his desktop monitor set up. The details in his photography project were so important that he didn’t want them to get lost in the bigger picture of the project. 

He sits Evan down in his desk chair and pulls up the project, getting it ready to play. 

The screen starts off black and guitar comes through the speakers. It was a song Evan recognized and it made him smile softly. He’d gone through a phase a number of years ago where he listened to anything and everything by Ed Sheeran, and this song was no exception. 

As the lyrics start, pictures of them as little kids are collaged in what’s almost a timeline. The screen scrolls slowly. It breaks Evan’s heart to watch them go from carefree little kids who were so close in all the pictures that there was a scant inch between them, if that, to teenagers who were hardly in the frame together. Then there’s the later pictures. There are less of them, but they’re bigger, and the focus is on them more. 

The newer pictures start with the one Jared took of Evan the first day they’d really hung out together. It was while Evan was talking about the trees, he’s smiling so wide and he looks so happy. The next one, is the one Ms Kleinman took of them while they were sleeping on Jared’s couch. It makes Evan smile. Most of the rest of the pictures were from the day Ms Kleinman visited. Since they mostly had Jared and Evan together, Evan figures that Jared’s mom took them. 

The last few are obviously pictures that Jared had taken. They were poorly taken selfies that he’d obviously tried to turn the camera around for. They make Evan chuckle and smile. His chuckle dries up at the last picture. It was taken the day they studied together, he and Jared were curled together and his arms were wrapped protectively around Jared. 

The music comes to a close and Jared stands by the edge of his desk, fidgeting awkwardly. Evan turns to grin at him, flinging himself into Jared’s arms and burying his face in Jared’s neck. Cautiously, his arms come up to wrap around Evan’s back. 

“You haven’t even heard the talking to go along with it,” he says, his grin evident in his voice. Evan doesn’t detach himself from Jared, instead opting to make a muffled noise indicating he should continue. Jared laughs and he feels Evan smile against his neck. “I need my notecards Ev,” he whines, smiling at Evan when he lets go and flops on Jared’s bed. 

Jared digs in his computer bag for the notecards and takes a deep breath, steadying himself. Giving this presentation to his class was easier than giving it to Evan. Normally, Evan didn’t get to see this side of him, the softer, loving side. 

He clears his throat, “my project isn’t as globally focused as it was probably intended, but for me, this subject matter has consumed my entire world. As you’ve probably noticed, it’s the same two boys shown all throughout the project, and one of them is me. The other boy is my best friend, my rock, the love of my life, Evan. He’s been there for me, even when I didn’t quite deserve it. 

“As you can see, time--and my rotten attitude--helped us to grow apart. We fell out of touch. But this past month, I ran into Evan by chance and we decided to try and be friends again. The first of the latest pictures was taken on the day that Evan told me he’d help me make sure I got all my pictures taken. He was talking about this beautiful little oasis not too far off campus, and after visiting it, I realize why it made him so happy. 

“That was the beginning of the end, as it was, because after that, I realized that without Evan, I’d be completely hopeless. He was the reason I picked up a camera to begin with, all those years ago. And now, he’s the reason I pick it up every day.” Jared puts the notecards down and walks up to Evan, grabbing his hands, “you’re my muse, Evan Hansen.” 

Evan smiles up at him, crying again. Jared brushes the tears away with a smile. “I didn’t say anything  _ too  _ sappy to them, but there’s another part to the speech part that they didn’t get to hear, that you’ll get to hear later.” 

Evan stands, getting ready to kiss Jared when there’s a loud pounding at the door. With a groan, Jared detaches himself from Evan and opens the door. His mom was standing there, grinning at him, holding out a box of--what was th--no. No way. This couldn’t be happening. She hands him the box of condoms like this was the most normal thing ever. 

“Hi honey. I just want you to be safe! And please, wait until I’m gone to have sex, I don’t need to know that much about your life.”  

Evan makes a choked sound from his spot by the bed while Jared wishes that the floor would open up and swallow him whole. Jared just drops the box and stumbles back to the bed, avoiding Evan’s gaze--not that it was hard with him staring a hole into the floor. His mom kicks the box into the room and gets ready to close the door.

“I leave for the book club in ten! And don’t forget Evan! You and your mom are coming for Thanksgiving dinner at seven!” She closes the door with a happy wave and Jared just hides his head under the pillows. Evan makes a sound that makes it seem almost like he’s dying and he flops down next to Jared.

“I cannot believe that just happened.” Jared’s voice is muffled by the pillows but Evan still makes a noise of agreement. It appears that Ms Kleinman had stunned him into silence. When Jared looks out from his hiding spot, he realized that Evan was staring at the box of condoms like he could will it away. Jared gets up and kicks it under the bed, sitting next to Evan and looking at his red face. “Hey, we’re not doing anything you’re not comfortable with. You call the shots. Remember?” 

Some of the tension fades from Evan’s shoulders and he takes a deep breath, nodding and stretching slightly. 

“So, I should probably get you home by three so you have time to get ready and help your mom with whatever she’s bringing, that leaves us with like four hours to do with whatever we want.” Jared flops next to Evan and smiles to himself when Evan scoots closer. 

“I’d like a nap. I haven’t been sleeping well.” He mumbles the last part, hoping that Jared doesn’t worry about it. Jared files that little bit of information away for later and sets an alarm on his phone for two-thirty so they don’t oversleep. After dropping the phone behind him on the bed he throws a leg over Evan’s and smiles when he feels Evan’s arms wrap around him. This, right here, was perfect. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I'm just now realizing that I didn't put the AN last chapter(?).   
> The song Jared used was Photograph by Ed Sheeran, if you didn't already guess that.  
> This chapter is mostly cute fluff between the boys   
> I've only got a few more chapters left, so what would you guys like to read next? Treebros? Sincerely Three? Kleinsen? Boyf friends? RichJake? (I've also become obsessed with the All For The Game series by Nora Sakavic, so at some point I'll prob write something for that)  
> Thanks for all your support and prepare for the fluffy wrap up chapters y'all!  
> Let me know what you think, and what you think I should write next!

There’s a buzzing next to his head that has Evan jerking out of sleep and almost upright. If it weren’t for Jared’s solid weight on his chest, he would’ve been upright and across the room already, paranoid about bugs crawling in his ears and mouth while he sleeps. Jared squints up at him blinking adorably.

“Sorry. It’s just my alarm. I didn’t want us to sleep too long because being late makes you anxious.” Jared smiles softly at him and Evan just fucking melts. He doesn’t deserve someone so concerned about his well being. 

Evan sighs from his spot but doesn’t move. Jared laughs and sits up, grinning down at Evan when he makes a noise of protest. 

“C’mon you, up. I don’t want you to be late.” Jared’s up and off the bed, out of arm’s reach, which makes Evan grumble and sit up. His sleep tousled hair and sleepy eyes are the cutest thing Jared’s seen all week and he concedes slightly, stepping close enough to wrap his arms around Evan’s shoulders, savoring the fact that he was substantially taller for once. 

The front door opens and closes, drawing both boys attention. Jared’s mom should’ve been back an hour ago at the latest. Then an all too familiar voice booms up the stairs. 

“Jared! Son! Where are ya!?” 

The blood drains from Jared’s face, leaving him ashen. He starts to sway and Evan’s on his feet in an instant, stepping behind Jared slightly to provide him some support. He grabs Jared’s hand and squeezes tightly, wordlessly telling Jared that he wasn’t alone. 

The door is thrown open a moment later and Evan resists the urge to shrink back, needing to be strong for Jared as he curls into Evan’s chest. Jared’s mom was coming up the stairs behind him, saying something about not disturbing the boys, but when she sees the three of them standing there, the words die on her tongue. 

Jared turns to his mother, trying desperately to get his emotions in check, “mom what is  _ he  _ doing here?” His voice is surprisingly calm, given the range of emotions flitting across his face and behind his eyes. 

“I just thought it would be nice for us all to be together for this holiday. You and Evan and his mom, and me and your dad.” She shrugs helplessly. 

Jared sags back against Evan, the fight leaving his body. Evan rubs his hand gently up and down his back. He can’t even imagine the position Jared is in right now. If his dad just showed up out of the blue, Evan would probably have a panic attack then lock himself in his room for a year. And yet, here Jared stands, staring his father in the face, almost daring him to say something. 

“So you’re still a fag I see.” Is what his dad finally says, eyeing Evan disdainfully. 

Evan feels his elusive temper flare. No one talked to Jared that way. “So--so you’re still an--an asshole I see.” Despite his stutter, the words are full of venom and Jared’s dad turns his full attention to Evan, surprised. 

“You’re going to let a  _ guest  _ speak to your father this way?” He sneers, and Jared grabs Evan’s wrist tightly when he goes to move away.

“Evan’s my family. The only guest here is you.” Jared’s voice is dangerously low. “C’mon Ev, let’s get out of here.” 

Evan just holds up a hand, going to the door and slamming it in Jared’s dad face. “Get your clothes Jare, you’re getting ready at my house.” The nickname just slips out and Evan blushes to the ends of his ears when he realizes it. Jared just grins at him and quickly grabs some dress clothes. He never understood the concept of dressing up to eat dinner with your family at home, but it’s what his mom wanted. 

With the clothes tucked securely under one arm and Evan’s hand gripped tightly with the other they head for the front door. Jared’s mom notices that Jared had clothes with them and follows them to the car. “Jared,” she calls, making the boys stop and turn to her. “I’m sorry. I just thought it would be nice for you if we could just pretend to be a family while you were home.” 

“We are a family. You, me, Heidi, and Evan. Our family might be little, and broken, but it’s still good!” 

Evan snorts before pressing his face into the back of Jared’s shoulder to keep himself from commenting. 

“Did you just quote “Lilo and Stitch” at me?” His mom asks, grinning at him. 

Jared blushes but nods. “Get rid of him mom, we’re way too good for him. I’m getting ready at Evan’s. Heidi won’t care if you want to just move Thanksgiving to their house. Just, be careful.” Jared felt like a coward for running off and leaving his mom with his sperm donor. 

She must notice because she grabs the baseball bat from beside the garage. “Go, I’ll be fine.” 

Jared hesitates, not sure what to do. He settles for dumping his clothes unceremoniously in the backseat and giving the keys to Evan, telling him to get in and sit tight. With a sigh to steady himself, he takes the bat from his mother. 

His father was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, eating something. Jared’s upper lip curls in disgust as he leans on the bat like a cane. “Get out,” he says simply, shifting his weight so he could gesture to the door with the bat.

“Oh, so suddenly you’ve got a spine?” His father leans against the doorframe, looking incredibly amused. 

“I’m not going to ask again. Leave. We don’t want you here. You don’t belong here. You aren’t a part of our family, and, Thanksgiving is to spend with family. So, get. out.” His tone was progressively more biting as he continued his little speech. 

His father scoffed, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “I think you’re being a little ridiculous.” 

“Really? You hurl insults and slurs at me and my boyfriend, you insult mom, in our own house no less, and you think I’m being ridiculous?” Jared laughs mirthlessly and rolls his eyes. “Fucking typical,” he mutters under his breath.

“I’m sorry… What did you just say?” His father challenges.

Jared raises his chin in defiance, “you heard me. Now, get out of  _ my _ house or I’ll have you arrested.” He casually pulls out his phone and moves to dial. His father snarls and puts his hands up. 

“Fucking fine. I don’t need you anyways,” he growls, smartly staying out of range of Jared’s bat. 

Evan waves at him cheerily from inside the car, waiting for him to back out before throwing the door open and running to Jared’s side. His hands are fluttering all over the place, he can’t decide what he wants to worry about first. 

Eventually, he settles his hands on Jared’s face, cradling his head in his hands. “Are you okay?” 

Jared leans his forehead against Evan’s. “Fine. Let’s just go. I already made you late.” He steps back out of Evan’s grasp, leaving the other boy’s arms fall back to his sides. Immediately Evan’s brain starts to berate him. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He’s overstepped and now Jared would hate him forever and they were going to break up and he was going to ruin Thanksgiving. Then they would all hate Thanksgiving, and by extension him and he’d deserve it. 

A hand lands on his shoulder and he jerks in surprise. He takes a deep breath when he realizes that it was just Ms Kleinman. “I’m glad he’s going with you. He needs some support right now.” She pats Evan on the shoulder before going into the kitchen and shooing Jared back towards the door, and consequently, Evan. 

Jared doesn’t look at him, instead starting towards the car in silence. Evan rushes to catch up with him. He says Jared’s name as they get into the car but gets no response. The ride to Evan’s house is filled with uncomfortable silence as Evan fidgets nervously, trying to figure out what to do. 

Jared pulls into Evan’s driveway and turns off the car, but, before he can open the door, there’s a tentative hand on his arm, silently asking him to wait. He won’t look at Evan, not wanting Evan to see how red his eyes were, how much they were shining with unshed tears. This shouldn’t bother him as much as it does. His dad was always a dead-beat, he doesn’t know why he ever expects it to change. 

“Jared.” Evan’s soft, concerned voice shatters the dam, and suddenly tears are sliding down his cheeks. Before he can pull away, Evan’s nearly across the center console and just barely on his lap, gently wiping away Jared’s tears. Evan starts murmuring meaningless soothing things, moving one of his hands from Jared’s face to run it through his hair. 

Jared sighs and goes to lean his head against Evan, but finds him to be too far away. Before he can really think it through, he’s opening the door and pulling Evan down, onto his lap so he can wrap his arms tightly around Evan and bury his face in Evan’s chest. 

Evan’s hand stills for a moment and Jared pulls back hurriedly, “is this okay? I’m so sorry Evan.” 

Evan shushes him gently, “it’s fine.” Jared rests his forehead against Evan’s shoulders and for the first time in a long time, he lets himself cry, and he lets himself be held. He was trusting Evan with such a shatterable piece of himself, and yet, Evan was treating him like this precious thing to be treasured and taken care of. 

After a moment, Evan wrests his arms around Jared’s shoulders, tracing idle patterns into his back. He’d just rested his cheek on the top of Jared’s head when Heidi peeks her head out the front door. Evan silently motions for her to give them a moment, knowing that Jared didn’t like people seeing him cry. 

A few more minutes go by and Jared pulls back, sniffling slightly. Evan wipes the tear tracks from his cheeks before offering Jared a kleenex. He doesn’t ask where Evan got it from--the glove box on the drive over--and Evan doesn’t offer an explanation. Jared touches the shoulder of his shirt lightly, “I’m really sorry about your shirt.” 

Evan barely spares it a glance, “it doesn’t matter. Are you okay to go in?” He’s leaning his forehead against Jared’s again, brushing their noses together softly. 

It’s such a casual gesture of affection that it makes Jared smile shakily. “Y-yeah.” He releases his hold on Evan enough for him to stand, trying not to notice the way he already misses the contact. 

Evan gets Jared’s clothes from the backseat, refusing to relinquish them when Jared tries to take them back. When Evan’s arm comes protectively around Jared’s shoulder, he falls in love a little more. Once he stopped fidgeting, Evan’s quiet presence was incredibly soothing. Heidi looks up and waves at both boys from the kitchen as they make their way to upstairs. 

He releases his hold on Jared’s shoulders, instead grasping his hand tightly. After closing the lid on the toilet, he puts Jared’s clothes down and goes to get a spare towel. Jared follows him mutely, soaking up as much of Evan’s presence as he could. Evan turns on the shower and lets go of Jared’s hand to cup his face again and press a soft kiss to his forehead. 

Jared smiles softly and grabs Evan’s hands. “You’re getting more secure,” he says happily, his smile widening when Evan blushes. 

Instead of replying to Jared’s statement, Evan just pulls back and smiles, “if you need anything just shout.” He closes the door behind himself, leaving Jared alone. 

Heidi was in the kitchen, making pie filling of some kind when Evan comes in. “Hey hon,” she greets, scooting over so he can see what she’s making. Evan nearly groans when he sees that it’s strawberry pie filling. Strawberry pie had been his favorite for as long as anyone could remember. 

He gives her a one-armed hug, swiping some of the filling while his mom swats his hand away with a laugh. 

“Can’t wait a few hours?” She’s smiling, so it takes the heat from the words.

“You can’t expect me to wait--to wait for your strawberry pie.” Evan grins, opening the oven to peek at the crust. It looked almost perfect the only thing missing was the filling. 

“You wanna make me another crust? I want to make a chocolate pie too.” She looks up to push her hair out of her face with the back of her hand and she smears pie filling across her forehead. It makes Evan laugh as he gets ready to make the crust. “You need the recipe?” 

Evan scoffs offendedly, “Since when do I need the recipe for Gramma Hansen’s crust?” He looks at his mother like that was the most ridiculous question in the world--in a way it was. Evan grew up baking with his grandmother, she’d taught him nearly everything he knew. 

“You’re right. I apologize. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go get cleaned up. That crust needs taken out and cooled for a few before you can fill it,” Heidi instructs needlessly. Evan salutes her with the rolling pin before going to search for a pot holder so he could take the pie pan out of the oven. 

He’d just started hand mixing the crust when the floor by the door creaks and arms cautiously wrap around him. Evan smiles and rests his head back against Jared’s shoulder. His nose brushes Jared’s neck and he goes deathly still. Jared had obviously used his shampoo and soap. Evan liked the thought that Jared smelled like him more than he’d care to admit. 

The moment is ruined when Jared looks down at him and snorts before trying to cover his laugh with a cough. Evan pulls back enough to turn around. This only serves to make Jared laugh harder and Evan looks at him, confused. Jared starts to gesture to his face before he has to stop and cover his mouth, lest the laugh he was trying to smother slip out. Evan puts his hands on his hips and pouts. 

“You--you just have a little something,” he gestures to all of Evan’s upper body, “here.” 

Evan looks down at his shirt and frowns when he notices the line of flower from the edge of the counter, and he quickly concludes that pie crust making was very messy. He glances down at his hands, smiling when he sees that they’re still covered in flour. As he starts to raise them to Jared’s face, he seems to figure out what Evan’s going to do and he scrambles backward with a laugh.

“No, Evan I’m already clean and I don’t have a change of clothes,” Jared pleads between laughs. Evan just laughs with him before catching Jared and wiping a floury hand down his cheek. “Evan,” Jared whines his name, stretching it out. Evan just rolls his eyes and presses his other hand to the side of Jared’s face to steer him closer. Jared protests at more flour being added to his face but his protests quickly die out when Evan kisses his cheek gently. 

“What’re you making?” His voice seems loud in the quiet kitchen as Evan leads him back over to the counter where he was working. 

“Pie crust. You want to help?” 

The hopeful look in Evan’s eyes is enough to convince Jared. He nods and then furrows his brows in confusion when Evan goes over to another drawer and pulls out something. He unfurls the piece of fabric with a grand gesture before putting the loop over Jared’s head. Jared looks down and is greeted by a horrendous pun. It’s got a llama holding a spatula and wearing a chef’s hat just above the words ‘no prob-llama’ Evan washes his hands and motions for Jared to do the same, bumping him with his hip as they stand together at the sink.

“You said it yourself, you’ve only got one change of clothes.” 

Jared groans before eyeing the pile of flower on the counter and getting a bit on his fingers and sprinkling it in Evan’s hair. 

“Hey! Jared!” 

“Oops?” He doesn’t even try to sound sorry, grinning widely. It looked almost like Evan had been out in the snow, the way the fine white powder fell on his hair and across his cheeks and nose. It made him look adorable. Jared mentally shakes himself and refocuses on the task at hand. There was a mountain of--goo? On the counter. 

“Here,” Evan says, scooting closer so their sides were touching, “like this.” He makes the mixing motion very exaggeratedly. Jared tries to mimic him and ends up making a flour cloud puff up from the protesting dough. Evan just laughs and sprinkles more flower on before showing Jared the motion again. 

Jared purses his lips and does it again, this time with a much smaller cloud of flour. “Evan,” he whines, “it’s not working.” 

Evan laughs and moves so he’s behind Jared, lining up their arms and hands, moving Jared’s hands with his this time. He’s not sure where this confidence came from all of a sudden, but he never wants it to leave. 

He rests his chin contentedly on Jared’s shoulder, sighing softly. The click of a shutter goes off and Evan turns to see his mother with her camera out, not even trying to hide the fact she was taking pictures. Evan buries his face in Jared’s neck, avoiding the camera. 

It was a little weird to see Evan so comfortable around someone. He was normally so reserved, so  _ alone.  _ It made Heidi happy to know that he had Jared to bring him out of his shell. Evan just looked so  _ alive.  _

She grinned at the two boys, setting the camera down to look at the strawberry pie and start the chocolate pudding that would fill the second one. Evan didn’t move from his spot behind Jared until he needed to go get the pie tin to stretch the crust in. Jared made an unhappy noise, but other than that he just stared down at the pie crust in wonder. 

Evan carefully drapes the dough across the pie tin, gently crimping the sides and removing the excess to put on a cookie sheet. “This is the best part,” he whispers conspiratorially as he puts the tray in the oven. Jared joins him, his mouth watering at the smell of the strawberry pie. Evan grins at him before grabbing a dish towel and starting to clean the counter. 

Jared sits at the small kitchen table, taking the opportunity to observe Evan. He seemed so comfortable in the kitchen, moving around with ease, knowing just what to use to get the sticky parts of the dough off the counter and just when to go turn the tray and crust around. Suddenly, Jared found himself longing for school to be back in session so he could have Evan back in his apartment again, back in his space.

Evan finishes cleaning and takes the pie crust out to cool, going to stick his finger in the pudding. Heidi scolds him and lightly shoves him in the direction of the door. “Go shower, you smell and you have flower everywhere,” she says, smiling softly as she wrinkles her nose. 

Evan’s eyes flit over to Jared, who waggles his eyes in response, making Evan blush. Jared sits awkwardly at the table as Heidi pours the pudding into Evan and Jared’s pie crust, making a noise of happiness when there was still some left in the pot. She brings two spoons to the table and sets the pot on a dish towel so it wasn’t directly on the table. 

“So Jared, tell me, where do you see this thing with Evan going?” She asks the question lightly, eating some of the pudding. 

Jared blinks at her for a second, not sure what to say. Far in the future he figured he and Evan would get married. He wanted Evan to move in with him, especially since he stayed over most nights anyways. So, he tells her all of that. He tells her how he plans to propose and that he plans to do it next summer, if he can stand to wait that long. Heidi nods appraisingly, snapping her mouth shut when Evan walks into the room. 

Jared’s mouth goes dry and he’s pretty sure his jaw is on the ground. Evan was standing in the door, wearing a suit, looking incredibly uncomfortable. 

“Aw, honey, you look so nice,” Heidi coos, standing to hug him tightly. Jared quickly picks up the camera and takes a few pictures, knowing that they’ll want them later. Evan pulls away from his mom after a moment, coming to stand in front of Jared. He tugs at his collar, looking incredible. 

“Well?” his voice gives away most of his insecurity. 

“You, um, wow.” Jared shakes himself, knowing he sounded like an idiot. Evan’s soft, happy smile is worth it.

“You like it?” He’s biting his lip and Jared thinks he might just be dying.

“I love it.” He tugs Evan closer by the lapels of his jacket, resting their foreheads together and wrapping his arms around Evan’s shoulders. He rubs their noses together gently and Evan sighs happily. This was everything he’s ever wished for and more. 

Then he notices the pot on the table. He turns to his mom, an accusatory look on his face, “were you eating the extra pudding without me?” 

Heidi smiles at him chagrined before getting a third spoon. Evan just shakes his head, an over exaggerated look of disappointment on his face. He quickly caves and starts scraping the pot. 

“The part that’s stuck at the bottom of the pot is the best part,” he tells Jared conspiratorially. Jared raises an eyebrow at him, not quite agreeing. Heidi picks up her spoon and jokingly shoves Evan so she could scoop out some of what was left. 

Once the pudding is gone Evan takes the pot to the sink and fills it with water to soak. Jared joins him by the sink, smiling softly as he looked at Evan’s chocolate smudged face. “Stay,” he says, grabbing a napkin and getting it damp before pressing it into Evan’s face. “You’ve got a little something here.” He gestures to Evan’s face. Evan groans and scrubs the napkin across his face, grabbing the pan lid to look at his distorted reflection. 

Jared leans over the counter, looking at Evan’s now clean face appraisingly. “Looks good Ev,” he says quietly, leaning over to press a kiss to Evan’s cheek. Evan blushes darkly as Heidi coos over the two boys for a moment, making them pose for (more) pictures before they could leave. Evan pecks his mother on the cheek before taking Jared’s hand and following him to his car. Jared opens Evan’s door for him, bowing as Evan gets into the car, blushing darkly. 

Heidi follows the boys to the Kleinman house, the pies in the backseat of her car. She didn’t trust the boys not to get into them on the way over. The last time a pie had been within Evan’s reach in the car, there was no pie for Thanksgiving dinner. 

Once they park Jared runs around to open Evan’s door for him again before coming to take one of the pies into the house. His mom opens the door for him a split second before his foot hits the step. 

“Don’t you look nice,” she says, smiling at him. “Look at my little boy, all grown up.” 

Jared blushes and looks at the ground, “mom, please not now. If you start crying then I’ll start crying, which’ll make Evan cry, then Heidi will cry, then we’ll all be crying.” 

Ms Kleinman shakes her head and steps back to let him in, “right, of course. Of course. We can all cry after desert.” 

Jared rubs his head with his free hand, wishing that there didn’t have to be anymore crying. Evan appears at his side and takes his hand, lacing their fingers. The boys carry all the food from the various places it had been stored to collect it all on the table. For four people they had a lot of food. 

Per Hansen tradition, they go around the table and list one thing they’re grateful for. In the cheesiest of moments, both boys say each other. It makes their moms coo and try and take out their phones to take pictures. Jared quickly reminds them that they aren’t allowed to have electronics at the table, smirking the entire time. 

Dinner goes incredibly well, it’s full of laughter and embarrassing stories about the boys that leave them both blushing and their moms laughing. After the dinner food had been moved away, Jared and Evan each bring a pie to the table. Evan sets the strawberry pie at his spot and his mom clears her throat. With a defeated sigh Evan pushes the pie to the middle of the table. 

“You know Evan, with how many people here compared to how many pies there are here, we could each have half a pie,” Jared chimes in helpfully, ignoring the look Heidi shoots him. It’s worth her wrath when he sees how wide Evan was smiling at him, his entire face full of happiness. 

Evan cuts himself a large piece of the pie, grinning at Jared as he pops a strawberry in his mouth. Jared squeezes his eyes shut tightly, taking a deep breath and wishing this weren’t a family function. 

He shoves his foot next to Evan’s under the table murmuring, “not nice,” under his breath. 

Evan just laughs and looks at him innocently. Jared narrows his eyes and cuts himself a piece of the chocolate pie, wanting to see just how good the crust they made was. It wasn’t as good as the one on the strawberry pie (Jared would know after all, he risked life and limb to steal some of Evan’s). But it wasn’t bad either. 

They sit around at the table for a while after they’re done eating, no one really having the motivation to clean up. Eventually Heidi and Ms Kleinman stand, packing up leftovers to send home with the Hansen’s. Once everything was packed up the two moms look at each other and nod. The boys look at them with concern. 

“Slumber party!” They say simultaneously, making both boys groan. 

“C’mon boys, it’ll be fun!” Ms Kleinman says, already heading for the stairs to go get her bag. 

Jared drags Evan upstairs with him to help him pack. That part doesn’t take all that long, but Jared gets distracted and pulls Evan into a kiss, smiling when he can still taste strawberries on his lips. 

“Boys?!” Heidi calls from downstairs, making them pull apart and Evan lace his fingers with Jared, squeezing tightly. A promise of later. The boys ride in Jared’s car with their moms in Heidi’s car, once again following them. Once they’re parked again, the boys linger, knowing that this was likely the last moment of almost alone time that they’d get all night. Jared leans against the hood of his car, Evan coming to stand between his feet with a shy smile. “How did I get so lucky?” Jared asks as he pulls Evan into a kiss almost as sweet as the strawberry pie from earlier. 

“I ask myself that every day,” Evan whispers back, not quite pulling back so his lips brush against Jared’s with every word. It makes him weak in the knees and he doesn’t think that’s quite fair. Instead of verbally responding he just threads his fingers into Evan’s hair and pulls him into another kiss. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> This isn't the happiest chapter, but it is happy at the end.   
> I'm glad you guys are liking the story and one of these days I'll wrap it up.  
> Let me know what you think!  
> (Right now I'm thinking TreeBros guardian angel au for the next fic)

“Boys! Get in here we’re about to start a movie!” Ms Kleinman calls from the front door and they can hear her laughter at their red faces from their spot in front of Jared’s car. 

“Your mom has--has really inconvenient time--timing,” Evan squeaks, burying his face in Jared’s neck. 

“Yeah, but it’s okay because you look really cute when you blush.” He laughs when Evan squeaks, his face growing hotter by the second. “C’mon, let’s go join them before they send out a search party.” 

Evan pulls back and laces their fingers together, still blushing darkly no matter how much he tries to will it away. Their moms are sitting on the couch, camera’s pointed at the door, just waiting for the boys to come in. When they start taking pictures, Evan flinches behind Jared and uses him like a shield. 

“Guys, c’mon, enough,” Jared says, reaching his hand back and sighing when Evan’s hand immediately finds his. “Let’s just watch the movie?” 

Their moms both sigh but relent and put the cameras down.  

“I’m going to go put my pjs on,” Evan says softly, moving towards the stairs. 

“Can I drop my bag in your room?” Jared’s following him, a hopeful look in his eyes. Evan nods, lacing his fingers back with Jared’s as they climb the stairs. Their moms coo after them, so glad that the boys were getting along and were so happy together. 

Jared unceremoniously drops his bag on Evan’s bed, going to leave and quickly turning back towards the bed once he realizes that Evan was facing away from him and in the middle of changing. He hopes no one wants to talk to him for the next hundred years because he’s pretty sure he’ll be useless for that long. 

He digs through his bag, looking for his sweats, just to give himself something to do. Once he gets them in hand, he turns around cautiously, and sees Evan sitting in his desk chair, wearing an expression Jared never thought he’d see on Evan’s face. Timid, shy, Evan Hansen was sitting in his desk chair, smirking at Jared.

“You okay Jare?” He asks, his smirk turning into a grin when Jared blushes and sputters. 

“N-not--not nice,” he finally manages to get out, glaring at Evan, who pouts in response. “When did you get to be so bold?” Jared asks, raising his eyebrows at Evan without moving. 

“With you, it’s getting easier,” he shrugs and stands, grabbing blankets and pillows from the bed. “It looked like our moms claimed the couch so we get the floor. Once you’re done changing can you get the extra blankets and sleeping bags from the hall?” 

Jared nods, only slightly surprised when Evan comes and kisses him lightly on the cheek before leaving the room. Once he’s finished changing and he goes to get the spare blankets he hears laughing coming from down stairs. When he comes down, he sees Evan, head thrown back in a full body laugh, he feels warm all over. 

“Jared!” Evan cries happily when he notices the other boy standing awkwardly by the door. He gets up and takes the blankets from Jared, spreading them out on the ground next to the ones he brought from his bed. 

They’re watching “Little Shop of Horrors” which Jared has never seen before, but based on the opening screen, he’s not sure how it qualifies as a Thanksgiving movie. When he asks, everyone looks to Evan for an explanation.

“We’ve watched this movie after Thanksgiving for every year I can remember,” his voice is soft and a little timid and it makes Jared wonder what happened to the Evan from a few moments ago. Jared leans back against the pillows Evan had propped against the couch, getting comfortable. 

Evan settles next to him, their sides almost touching, but not quite. He’s curled up into a ball, and Jared can tell the moment he falls asleep, he’s going to fall on his face. Heidi starts the movie and offers the boys a bowl of popcorn. 

Evan takes it, offering some to Jared before just setting it in Jared’s lap. 

Jared’s surprised to find that the movie is a musical, and that Evan knows the words to every song. Some of them, he sings under his breath, but others, like the main musical number, he and his mom sing the lines back and forth loudly. Jared smiles, glad that he’s been included in this tradition. 

The ending of the movie leaves Jared stunned into silence. He had no idea how to describe the strange movie they’d just watched. Evan’s starting to doze, but Jared’s the only one that’s noticed. 

Heidi picks the next movie, some light-hearted comedy that it’s easy to ignore in favor of watching Evan start to fall asleep. As creepy as Jared knows it is, there’s something nice about knowing Evan trusts him enough to not only fall asleep in his presence, but to fall asleep so close to him.

The more drowsy he got, the more he leaned against Jared, eventually just collapsing into his side. A glance back tells him that their moms are both still engrossed in the movie. Jared curls around Evan protectively, letting himself fall asleep. 

Their moms notice not long after and take a shit ton of pictures, talking about how adorable the boys are before turning off the tv and going to Heidi’s room to gossip. 

~~~

There’s a fucking light in Jared’s eyes. Again. He has no idea how the fuck he always gets the spot that the light happens to hit. With a groan, he buries his face in Evan’s hair, not wanting to get up. Especially because for once, Evan was the one wrapped around Jared, not the other way around. 

He moves to the side slightly, silently cheering when the sun is no longer in his eyes. It’s not hard for him to go back to sleep, but when he does, he’s not greeted with the same dreamless bliss he left moments ago. 

Instead, Jared found himself in the middle of his current recurring nightmare. 

_ Evan’s shaking and crying. Jared doesn’t know what they’re fighting about, but he knows that it’s his fault. He hurls insults at Evan, calling him all sorts of terrible things. Then, like the coward that he is, he runs. From their shared apartment. From the fight. From the guilt. From all of it. It was too much and he needed to get away.  _

_ He comes back later, more collected now. If his upper arms are burning, that’s no one’s business but his own. The chain on their apartment door is latched, and that alone makes Jared’s heart take off uncomfortably. All the fights he and Evan had had, he’d never been locked out.  _

_ Pounding on the door, Jared shouts Evan’s name. He doesn’t get a response, so he tries to shove his head between the door and the frame. It doesn’t work well with his glasses on, and he groans, dropping his head to the door. _

_ “Evan, I don’t know if you’re just pissed and you’re teaching me a lesson, but I understand. I’m sorry. Please, just let me in. I’ll never leave again. I--I need to tell you something. Later though, it’s not important. I just need to hear your voice. Tell me you’re okay please. Tell me to leave. Tell me to never come back. I don’t care. Just say something. Please.”  _

_ The only answer is a loud thunk from somewhere in the apartment. Jared’s mind goes blank and he starts throwing himself at the door. No. No. No. This could not be happening. He’s dialing 911 when he finally gets the door open, and he offhandedly thinks that he’ll need to get his shoulder looked at.  _

_ The bathroom door is closed and locked and Jared’s not sure if he can force his way through another door. He pounds on the door, begging for Evan to let him in. There’s desperation in his voice, fear in all his actions. How could he have been so stupid?  _

_ He takes a step back, trying, unsuccessfully to take a deep breath. They kick in doors all the time on crime shows, how hard could it be.  _

_ Apparently harder than it looks because Jared’s foot goes right through the cheap particleboard door. His calf gets stuck and it hurts to pull it out of the door. He adds that to the list of things that he needs to get checked later, but that’s not his priority because Evan’s not fucking responding from the other side of the door and it’s like Jared’s worst dream ever.  _

_ Not thinking about what could be on the other side of the door, Jared shoves his arm through the hole in the door and unlocks the handle despite the shaking in his hands. He’s crying now, tears streaming down his cheeks and impeding his vision.  _

_ The door opens and Evan’s sitting against the tub, his eyes shut and his chest not moving. Jared flies to his side and checks for a pulse, it’s weak but it’s there. There’s no blood, and it’s then that Jared spies the little orange container in the trashcan, the lid with it.  _

_ The paramedics get there, shoving him out of the way, taking the bottle from him and taking him away from Evan. He shouts and cries and tries to protest but the larger EMT’s just guide him to another ambulance as gently as they could.  _

_ He wants to go with Evan. He needs to stay with Evan and make sure he’s okay. This is all his fault. He needs Evan to live so he can apologize and tell Evan he’s leaving because of how toxic he is. How bad he is for Evan. How sorry he was. How Evan deserves so much better.  _

_ Jared’s hysterical at this point, and the paramedics sedate him. It’s like being trapped in his own body. He knows that he needs to see Evan, physically confirm that he’s okay, but he just can’t move.  _

_ Jared wakes up in a hospital room. He’s wearing a hospital gown and padded cuffs. A wrist band lists his name, age and other important information. A second lists that he’s a danger to himself. The door opens. Jared croaks out Evan’s name and has his heart crushed when it’s just a nurse standing in the door.  _

_ “Are you Jared Kleinman?” She asks, her voice soft. The voice they only use to give bad news. Jared nods, then he shakes his head. She looks at him concerned, going to pick up his clipboard of information. “Do you know why you’re here and what happened?”  _

_ He nods. _

_ “Evan Hansen had you listed as his emergency contact.” _

_ No. No. Past tense is bad. Past tense is something you never want to hear when it comes to being someone’s emergency contact. _

_ “Mr Kleinman, I’m so sorry.” _

_ Jared doesn’t have time to balk at being called ‘Mr Kleinman’. She doesn’t have to say what he knows is coming next. His world has just come crashing down upon him.  _

Jared jerks awake. He’s shaking and breathing like he’s just run a marathon, but Evan’s alive. Evan’s here, in Jared’s arms. Safe. Alive. Breathing. Jared wraps his arms around Evan tightly and maneuvers them so that he could rest his head on Evan’s chest and hear his heart beating. 

Evan wakes up before Jared can regulate his breathing and he immediately knows something’s wrong. Gently, he rubs Jared’s back, waiting to see if he wanted to talk about it. 

“I--I just need--need to know you’re--you’re here,” he mumbles, scrubbing at his face angrily. Evan hums and Jared feels more than hears it. 

“I’m here Jared. You’re safe. I’m safe.” he somehow knows exactly what to say to reassure Jared, even without knowing what’s going on. 

“I love you, so much,” Jared finally says, wanting to make sure that Evan knows. 

Fingers thread through his hair, rubbing at his scalp pleasantly. “I love you too Jare.” 

The nickname slips easily from Evan’s lips and Jared finds himself liking it more and more. His breathing is almost back to normal and he finds it in himself to look up at Evan. Sweet, kind, Evan, who was looking down at him concerned. 

“Are you better now?” Evan’s still running his hands through Jared’s hair, and he’s finding it hard not to lean into the touch or make a noise of contentment. 

“Yeah. Having you here makes it better.” Being able to confirm for himself that Evan was alive and well and next to him made the nightmares abate faster. 

“Was it the same one this time?” Evan’s voice is tentative. Jared looks away and nods. They hadn’t talked about what the nightmares contained, only that they happened. “Okay. C’mon. Let’s go make breakfast.” 

Reluctantly, Jared sits up and waits for Evan to pull him to his feet. The coffee pot was on, meaning that their moms were probably already awake and they just didn’t want to disturb the boys. 

Evan gets the ingredients to make pancakes, happily tolerating how overly touchy Jared was. He’s pouring the first one into the pan when Jared comes up behind him and rests his head against the back of Evan’s neck. His breath tickled and it made Evan huff slightly. 

He peeks over his shoulder before pouring the next pancake, smiling and fighting off a blush. Jared has his nose pressed against Evan’s neck, so he doesn’t notice that Evan’s poured the pancake into a heart shape. 

Once the pancake was finished, he scoops it onto a plate and nudges Jared. “Jare, your pancakes are done,” Evan says softly, holding the plate up so he could see. 

Jared coos, and hugs Evan tighter before taking the plate and going to sit on the table. Evan finishes cooking the batter and ends up with a rather tall stack of pancakes. Evan brings several to the table, setting two of them on Jared’s plate before covering his own in maple syrup and chocolate syrup. After noticing what Evan was doing, Jared wrinkles his nose. “What’re you doing?” 

Evan shrugs, “it’s better. Try it.” He holds his fork out and grins. 

Jared raises his eyebrows, slowly leaning forward to pull the bite off the end of the fork, grinning. They sit there and grin at each other until their moms come in and comment on how good it smelled. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> This is a mostly cute little chapter.   
> Thanks for all the kind comments!   
> I'm thinking one more chapter and then an epilogue just so you guys know.   
> So, as always, let me know what you think!

Heidi sits on Evan’s other side and dresses her pancakes much the same as Evan had, making Jared’s mom wrinkle her nose. Jared surprises everyone by saying, “it’s actually pretty good.” 

Evan blushes and looks at his plate, hastily stuffing what was left of one of the pancakes into his mouth to avoid having to comment. Their moms laugh and shrug.

“Hey Evan, isn’t your friend coming over tomorrow?” Heidi asks as she takes their plates to the sink to be washed. 

“Yes mom. He’s coming by on his way back to school. I told him we could stop by that ice cream place.” Evan looks at Jared with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“That sounds fun.” She smiles at them before she starts running the water and cleaning up the mess from breakfast. 

Evan thanks his mom for washing the dishes and grabs Jared to escape upstairs to his room. “Do you want to go with us to get ice cream tomorrow?” He asks Jared once they’re sitting on his bed. 

“I wouldn’t want to step on your time with whoever’s visiting…” his goal wasn’t to monopolize Evan’s time. And he trusted Evan implicitly, he just wanted to spend every spare second in Evan’s presence. 

“Daniel won’t mind. We’ve always been a package deal anyways,” Evan says with a smile, grabbing Jared’s hand.

~~~

They decided to stay at Evan’s house again the previous night, both of them collapsing into Evan’s small bed sometime around three AM after an intense game of monopoly. Pieces and money were still scattered everywhere following Jared’s loss. He might’ve flipped the game board, and Evan might’ve been throwing those little plastic buildings at him. It ended with them both laying on the floor and laughing, so it didn’t really matter who started it. 

Jared was always the lighter sleeper, as such, he was the first one to wake up when someone was knocking on the door at the ass-crack of dawn. He gently moves Evan off his chest, smiling when the other boy just burrows deeper into the covers. Whoever was at the door was going to get an earful. It was too goddamn early for this. 

Jared jerks the door open and squints at the person on the other side. Without his glasses on he can’t make out their face from this far away so he just squint-glares at them until they explain themselves. As it turns out, it’s a good thing he doesn’t have his glasses on because before he can throw his hands up to defend himself, he’s being punched. He stumbles backward, putting his hands up when something warm starts to drip from his nose. Blood. 

“Who the fuck…?” He wonders aloud, his voice nasally. 

When the person shoves him up against the wall they get close enough for him to make out their features. 

“Daniel? What the fuck is your problem?” Jared’s glaring at him, the intensity of his expression hindered by the hand he’s holding over his nose. 

“I think that’s a question you need to be asking yourself.” He goes to shake Jared when a quiet but furious voice comes from the stairs. 

“Daniel. What the ever loving fuck are you doing to my boyfriend?” Evan marches over and shoves him away, gently taking Jared’s face into his hands and trying to pull his hand away to look at his face. “C’mon Jare, let’s go get your face all cleaned up. You,” he points to Daniel with a now bloody hand, “sit. We’re talking about--about this later.” His voice is hard as he guides Jared away. 

Following Evan’s wordless instructions, Jared hops up on the counter in the bathroom, gratefully taking the tissues Evan presses into his hand. He puts his hand gently on the back of Jared’s head, indicating that he should lean down. Jared winces at the pressure that puts on the lump on the back of his head. 

Evan’s frown deepens as the lightly probes the area, trying to see how bad the swelling was. He’s standing between Jared’s knees now, looking up at him sadly. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. 

“Why’re you sorry? You’re not the one that punched me.” He snorts and then winces again. This was not how he pictured his morning going. 

Silently, Evan takes the tissues from him and dumps them in the trash before just handing Jared the box. It’s obvious that he’s trying to figure out how to say what he wants. “I told Daniel when we were fighting because he asked me what was wrong.” 

Jared blinks at him, waiting to see if that was it or if Evan actually did something he should feel guilty about. When he doesn’t say anything else, Jared reaches for him before noticing how gross his hands were and pressing them back to the tissues on his face. “I gathered that much. I’m still not sure why you’re sorry…” 

“B-because! I--I told Daniel. And--and now he hit you.” Evan starts to pull away and Jared stops him with a light touch. 

“But you didn’t. And, if we’re being honest, I deserve it.” His voice is muffled and nasally, giving both boys the impression that Jared’s nose had probably been broken. 

“Jared. Stop.” Evan’s hands are still on Jared’s face, and when his thumb swipes over Jared’s cheekbone he collapses onto Evan’s shoulder. 

“How many people, Evan? How many more people have to tell you how bad I am for you before you finally listen? How many more people have to tell you that we need to break up before you listen?” Jared’s voice breaks as Evan’s shoulder starts to feel damp. 

“Just one,” he says softly, forcing Jared to sit back so he could look at Jared’s face, he’s biting his lower lip harshly, tears slipping down his cheeks. “If you’re done with this--this thing between us, then I’ll listen. But if it comes from anyone other than you, damn them all to hell.” 

Jared skates his fingers against Evan’s jaw, his eyes darting around his face. “Do you ever worry that you’re blind to my--”

“Stop. Jared, when you stumbled back into my life in the library, it felt like I could breathe again. Well, until the anxiety took over. But you and I--Jared, we go together. We’ve always been a pair--a-a package deal. You came back into my life and it was like everything in me sighed and said ‘oh, it’s you. I’ve been looking for you. I’m glad you’re home’.” 

Evan’s cradling his face, wiping the tears away as they fall. Jared opens and closes his mouth a few times, not sure what to say. 

“Has your nose stopped bleeding yet?” Evan covers Jared’s hands with one of his own, gently pulling the tissues away to get a good look at his face. It’s swollen and he’s already got the beginnings of a black eye. With a frown Evan gets a paper towel damp and starts to clean the rest of the dried blood off Jared’s face. 

Before he pulls away Jared grabs his hands and tugs him the last bit closer. He puts everything he can’t say into the kiss until his nose bumps Evan’s cheek and he pulls away with a quiet hiss. 

“Sorry!” Evan immediately apologizes, frowning as he tries to step back but Jared doesn’t let his hands go. 

“You’re fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” He pulls Evan into a tight hug, sighing deeply. “Thank you. For knowing what to say, and for keeping me from being a dumbass.” He smiles slightly, letting Evan step back so he could jump down from the counter. 

“I don’t know if I could ever keep you from being a dumbass. But at least you’re my dumbass,” Evan jokes, smiling at Jared as he lets out a surprised laugh.

“Was that a joke? Were you teasing me?” Jared’s grinning at him, pleasantly surprised for the first time that morning. 

Evan blushes darkly, “as a matter of fact--” he doesn’t finish, he just takes off down the hall, Jared hot on his heels, banging into walls and tables, complaining that it wasn’t fair because he couldn’t see. 

When Evan pops out in front of him, holding out his glasses as a peace offering, he doesn’t notice until too late. He barrels into the other boy and sends them both sprawling and his glasses flying. An unhealthy crunch comes from the direction they went and Jared winces, choosing not to comment on the fact that he was currently lying on top of Evan, and Daniel was currently watching the interaction with a frown. 

He could care less what Daniel thought right now because Evan was laughing his full-body laugh and Jared was completely transfixed. Evan’s eyes were shut tightly as he gasped for breath in between snorts of laughter. When he finally manages to compose himself he blinks up at Jared and then his eyes dart nervously to Daniel. 

Jared takes that as his queue to stand up and try to find his glasses. As he crouches, he finds himself feeling like Velma in every single fucking episode of Scooby-Doo. He eventually finds them, and holds them up close to his face with a frown. One lens was cracked rather seriously, but thanks to the coating on it, the glass stayed fixed in the frames. 

Frowning, he puts them on and turns to Evan and Daniel, finally seeing both boys clearly. Evan sees his face and starts to snicker again, which only makes Jared pout more. 

“You look very fierce,” Evan assures him as he walks up. 

“Thanks, especially considering I was on the receiving end of a ridiculously unfair one-sided-beat-down. I think I’m going to go lay down for a while. I’ll try not to get blood on your sheets.” Now that the privateness of his moment with Evan had worn off, Jared was just tired. His nose was throbbing and he didn’t feel like defending his shitty actions and his shitty train of logic to anyone else. 

Evan kisses his forehead gently, “okay, we’re going to be be down here talking. If you’re still up for it, we can go get ice cream this afternoon. And I have a couple pairs of your old glasses, I’ll find the newest pair I’ve got and you can wear those until the glasses place can fix those.” His hand was still resting on the back of Jared’s neck, but when he moves back to go upstairs, Evan lets his hand drop. 

After Jared had retreated to the quiet of upstairs, Evan suggests to Daniel that they sit outside and enjoy the brisk air. Daniel waits for the door to close behind them before turning to Evan with a confused and slightly outraged look on his face. 

“Okay, what the flying fuck is happening? Because a few days ago you and him weren’t talking. And now you’re doing whatever the fuck that was? Was it flirting? Is that how you guys flirt?” He’s just squinting at Evan like that could help him understand. 

“Jared and I talked it out. He was in duress at the time and he followed the best course of action he saw. Just because I understand does not mean I agree, but he’s made things right and I have chosen to forgive him. Yes that was us flirting, well, to some extent. I like it. And I love him. So be happy for me, okay?” 

Daniel frowns, but he sighs nonetheless, “if he makes you happy, then I will be happy for you.” 

Grinning, Evan claps him on the shoulder and goes back inside. At a crash from the kitchen, both boys stop. Evan holds his hand up, indicating that Daniel should stay put and he grabs the baseball bat from under the couch. Jared had insisted that he keep it there ‘in case of emergencies’ and now Evan was glad for it. 

He creeps into the kitchen doorway, bat held high above his head. And he’s surprised to find… Jared? He’s bumbling around the kitchen in his broken frames, trying to cook breakfast, but obviously having some issues. Evan drops the bat and crosses the room to put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. 

“These dumb things screw up my depth perception,” he grumbles. Evan laughs under his breath and gently pulls them from his face before turning the stove off and moving the pan off to the side. 

“I said I’d get you a different pair,” it’s almost reproachful, but the half smile on his face keeps it from being too scolding. Evan goes over to the ‘junk drawer’ and starts digging through it, setting out all the glasses cases he finds. There was a surprising amount of them considering neither of the Hansens wear glasses. 

Jared comes over and rests his chin on Evan’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Evan’s waist. He pointedly ignores Daniel when he comes into the room.

“Damn. If I would’ve known this was a double date thing I would’ve invited Liza.” His tone is joking, and Jared turns to look at him in surprise. 

Evan taps his hand a second later, drawing his attention. He slips a pair of glasses on Jared’s face before smothering a laugh and pulling them off again. Jared looks at all the discarded pairs on the counter and realizes that they’re all the pairs of glasses that he’s lost over the years. 

“You can invite--invite Liza if you--if you want. She lives around here right?” Evan offers, not wanting Daniel to feel left out. 

“Y-yeah she does. I’ll text her. If you’re sure it’s okay?” He seemed surprised by Evan’s willingness to include another person into their plans. 

“It’s fine. I mean, you don’t--you don’t have to. I--I understand if you’d prefer if--if it was just us.” Evan’s stutter makes a reappearance and the fact that his stutter had largely vanished in their conversations had not escaped Jared’s notice. 

“I don’t wanna be the one to banish your boyfriend Hansen.” 

“So--so don’t. I--I can b-banish him. If--if you’d prefer that.” 

Jared’s hand finds Evan’s and squeezes. He pecks Evan on the cheek before picking up all the pairs of glasses. Pausing in the doorway he says, “text me when you get there and when you leave. Make good choices,” he winks. “Love you Ev.” It just slips out and Jared determinedly does not look at Daniel after he says it. 

“I--I will. Love you too Jared.” Evan blushes slightly, for any number of reasons. 

Jared leaves the room with a mock salute, intent on finding a pair of glasses that were useable until he could get his fixed. He had no idea that this was where all of his missing glasses ended up, but now he was thankful for it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you have it, the last real chapter. After this, all that's left is the epilogue.  
> Your support though this story has been incredible and I really appreciate it!   
> I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter (and the epilogue, of course)   
> So, as always, let me know what you think!

Daniel looks between the door Jared had just left through and Evan, confused, as he tries to figure out what just happened. He eventually decides that Jared’s just impossible to figure out. 

Evan checks his phone for the time and looks to the empty key rack. His mom had the car, not like it mattered though, since Evan didn’t drive. “I--I forgot to ask. Do you--do you have a car?” 

“Yeah of course dude. I wouldn’t expect you to drive us anywhere.” 

Evan nods and opens the fridge, making sure that there were pancakes left over for Jared to eat if he got hungry while they were gone. As they walk into the entryway, Jared’s putting on his shoes. Frowning, Evan looks at him confused, wondering if he had done something wrong. 

Jared notices the look on his face and is quick to soothe his nerves. “I’m going to go to the one-hour glasses place while you guys are gone.” 

Before he notices that he’s gravitated towards Jared, Evan’s at the other boy’s side. “Be careful.” 

Jared kisses him lightly on the cheek, “of course. You too. I’ll let you know when I’m headed back.” 

“I’ll keep you posted. Love you,” Evan says softly, moving around Jared to grab his shoes. 

“Love you too. Have fun!” Jared waggles his fingers at Evan and waves at Daniel, closing the door behind himself. 

“You know,” Daniel says, “I know it’s not my place, but you guys actually seem pretty good for each other. 

Evan blushes and looks at his shoes. “Th-thanks. Jared and I--we--we’re really alike, in--in the ways that--that count.” He’s blushing darkly, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the linoleum. 

“Yeah. Now that things are awkward, let’s go, yeah?” Daniel brushes it off, grinning as he shrugs his jacket back on. 

~~~

Jared had decided to just get new frames while he was at the glasses place. He’d had the old ones for several years now anyways, and they were a little worse for the wear, before the fall at Evan’s house. 

The girl who does his eye exam also helps him pick out glasses, and she’s remarkably tolerant of him not making up his mind about what he wants. He settles on some thinner wire frames. They’re dark, and in the poor lighting of the store, Jared can’t tell exactly what color they are. The lady tells him he’s made a good choice and she rings the purchase up for him, letting him know it’ll be about an hour until they’re finished. 

He’s just headed to get lunch somewhere when a text from Evan buzzes in.

**FROM EVAN 11:44 AM** **_Hey, just wanted to let you know Daniel and I are at A La Mode. Do you want me to bring you something back?_ **

**TO EVAN 11:45 AM** **_Sure_ **

He’s typing his order when Evan responds.

**FROM EVAN 11:45 AM** **_Okay cool. Do you still like Caramel Turtle Fudge?_ **

Jared smiles. He definitely did not deserve Evan.

**TO EVAN 11:46 AM** **_Thanks babe, u r the best. I got my new glasses and I’m waiting for them 2 finish so I’m going 2 grab food at the sandwich place. Should I bring back real food for u and Daniel_ **

Evan grins when he reads the message from Jared, prompting Daniel to tease him endlessly about it. He ignores Daniel’s teasing in favor of asking if he wanted Jared to bring home food for lunch. Daniel says sure, but insists that he’s going to pay Jared back. Evan just nods, grinning, knowing that Jared won’t take the money.

**FROM EVAN 11:50 AM** **_Yes please. I’ll have a club and Daniel wants a ham and cheese with pickles._ **

**TO EVAN 12:15 PM** **_Got the sandwiches. Headed 2 pick up my new glasses. See u at home._ **

Jared ordered his sandwich and ate there, wanting to wait until the last possible minute to order Evan and Daniel’s because otherwise they’d get soggy and be gross. 

**FROM EVAN 12:20 PM** **_Thanks! We’re headed back so I’ll see you at home. I can’t wait to see your new glasses. I couldn’t convince you to send me a picture, could I? ;)_ **

Jared laughs, shaking his head slightly. 

**TO EVAN 12:25 PM** **_Sorry cutie, not this time. Can’t wait 2 see what u think!_ **

The girl had the glasses waiting when Jared came in and she quickly fit them to his face, commenting once again how he made a good choice picking those frames. Awkwardly, he blushes and thanks her, wanting to grab the case and sprint from the store. 

Receiving compliments, especially ones that didn’t come from Evan, was difficult for Jared. As self-centered as it sounded, he really didn’t like it and it made him feel like people were secretly making fun of him, even if he knew, logically, that they were being genuine. 

~~~

Evan had ordered his usual; mint chocolate chip. Daniel picked one of the more unusual flavors; Chocolate Cinnamon Churro. Evan had never tried it, but apparently it was pretty good. When Jared texted him to say that he got his new glasses Evan was dying to see them. 

“So,” Evan says conversationally as they were getting ready to leave the store. 

Daniel looks at him, wondering what he was going to say.

“We’ve talked about--about things with me and--and Jared. And--and we’ve talked--talked about school. And--and work. You--you see where I’m going--going with this… right?” 

“Are you trying to ask me how things are going with Liza?” Daniel’s voice is full with laughter. Evan just nods a little. Daniel sighs. “They’re going pretty well. The holidays are going to be an obstacle. Who am I kidding? They already are. We both have pretty big families that like to do celebrations. And it’s just hard.” 

“R-right…” Evan doesn’t really have much to say to that because his and Jared’s family weren’t really two separate families, it was just one big one. It had always been that way. 

“She wants me to move here, she won’t ask, but I know that’s what she wants…” 

“And--and you don’t want to?” Evan correctly guesses. When it came to other people's’ problems, it was much easier for Evan to understand what was going on. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I mean, fuck, it’s been four months and I think I’m already in love with her. But, moving across the country is a big deal.” Daniel rakes a hand through his short hair, making it stick up weird. 

“So--so you don’t want to move here. But--but you also don’t want--want her to move there?” Evan was beginning to wonder why Daniel started dating Liza if he knew they lived across the country from each other. 

Daniel pulls at his hair distressed, and groans, “I dunno man. I’m crazy about Liza, and I think my issue is that if she asked, I’d move here. In a heartbeat. And that terrifies me. To my fucking core man. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” He turns to look at Evan, eyes wild. 

“Well, if you love her that--that much, just--just talk to her.” Evan shrugs, knowing that it would be a terrifying conversation to have, but a necessary one. 

“Y-yeah,” Daniel sighs. “You know, she wants me to come home with her for Christmas, spend Christmas Eve with her family, then, she said, Christmas Day we could fly out and meet my family. She even said that her parents want to meet me so badly they’d pay for our flights down to Texas on Christmas day.” He sounds a terrified at the idea of spending Christmas Eve with all of Liza’s family. It makes Evan smile a little. 

“So--so do it? Jared and I are going to spend Christmas together.” There’s no way in the world they wouldn’t. 

“Y-yeah. I think I will.” 

“Good.” Evan nods and brings the conversation to a close as they pull into his driveway. Jared’s car was already back. Evan grabs the small cup of ice cream he brought back for Jared as he climbs out of the car. 

Jared was sitting on the couch, his back to the door, but when he hears the front door open he turns around. Evan just stops. Jared looked really good with his new glasses. Daniel was preoccupied with something on his phone and he doesn’t notice that Evan wasn’t moving. 

He runs into Evan and they both topple to the ground. Jared’s up and across the room at Evan’s side in a matter of seconds. 

“Ev are you alright? What happened?” Jared’s hands are fluttering around uselessly, not sure exactly what it is he needs to be doing right now. 

Daniel laughs from his spot in the doorway. Where Evan had fallen forward, Daniel had stumbled backward, landing on his butt in the door frame. “He was busy gawking and I was busy making Christmas plans with Liza.” 

Jared looks back down at Evan, a smile that’s somehow a cross between shy and teasing on his face. “You like the new glasses then I take it?” he asks quietly. 

Blushing darkly, Evan nods. Jared helps him up then offers a hand to Daniel. 

“Food’s on the table.” He turns to Evan, “although if I know you at all, you probably ate your bodyweight in ice cream and won’t be hungry until dinner.”

“I didn’t this time!” Evan says, protesting uselessly over Jared’s quiet snickering. 

“It’s fine Evan. Your insane love of mint chocolate chip ice cream is part of what makes me  love you so much.” Jared wraps his arm around Evan’s shoulders, squeezing tightly before letting go to take his ice cream into the kitchen and devour it. 

“That’s good because I love you despite your weird obsession with caramel turtle fudge.” He’s grinning as Jared rears back and puts a hand to his chest dramatically. 

“Evan Hansen! You take that back!” His eyes are comically wide as he makes a show of sliding to the floor in distress.

“I don’t want to,” Evan says cheekily as he sits at the table and unwraps his sandwich. 

“You better watch it or I’ll tax you bites of your club.” Jared’s eyes are narrowed as he eyes Evan’s lunch. 

With a cry of outrage Evan cradles the sandwich to his chest, acting as if it was a defenseless thing that needed protected--well, in a way, it kinda was…

Daniel watches the entire interaction from the door, a look of amusement on his face. It was rare to see Evan as carefree as this. Maybe he should take back all the bad things he thought about Jared. It was obvious that he cared about Evan a lot and they were good together. 

All three of them jump when Daniel’s phone rings. It’s Liza, ecstatic over his text and demanding that he come see her as soon as he’s done hanging out with Evan and that he bring his food and share. All three of the guys laugh as Daniel asks if it’s okay if he leaves early. 

“Sure. We could also all--all go on--on a, you know, a double date?” Evan suggests cautiously as Daniel heads for the door. 

Daniel grins at them, “that would be great. Liza would love that.” He waves at them over his shoulders as he heads for the door. 

Jared wanders over and wraps his arms around Evan’s shoulder. “Did you guys have fun?” He waits for Evan to be distracted with answering the question before leaning down and taking a bite of his precious sandwich. 

Evan breaks off from answering the question with a disgruntled “HEY!” making Jared laugh around his stolen bite of food. “You don’t see me going into your caramel turtle fudge and taking bites of it, do you?” He looks up at Jared with a comical pout, holding the sub an arms length away from his boyfriend. 

“No. Instead you come into my house and insult my tastes,” Jared cries dramatically, nearly flinging himself into Evan’s lap. This was quite a feat for a number of reasons. One; he was standing behind Evan. Two; Evan’s chair was pushed up to the table. Three; Jared was not an athletic person. Four; this was not his house, so how on earth Evan managed to go into his house and insult him, he didn’t know.

Evan just pats his back unsympathetically, taking a cautious bite of his sandwich. 

~~~

Jared drove both of them back to school the following morning. He drops Evan off at his dorm first, promising to come back once he’s showered and changed clothes. Evan nods and decides to do the same. When he opens the door to his room he is confronted with several things he did not expect, among them; Richard’s side of the room was empty of his things; a stranger was unpacking his belongings into the previously occupied dresser; many of Evan’s things were strewn around the room. 

He stands in the door and blinks for a second before calling Jared and asking him to please turn around and come back. Evan awkwardly skirts around the guy, climbing up onto his bed and trying to look like he’s not watching this guy’s every move. Jared appears in the door in a matter of minutes, his brows furrowed when he looks around. 

“Who’re you?” He asks, narrowing his eyes at this new roommate of Evan’s. 

“I’m Gabe! I’m moving in here because the old guy got kicked out or something? Are you Evan?” He’s looking at Jared when he says this, but his eyes keep cutting to the side, concerned as he takes in the actual Evan’s presence. 

“No. I’m Jared. Evan’s boyfriend. That’s Evan.” He points to a now red Evan who was still observing from his perch atop his bed. 

Gabe crosses the small room and holds his hand up for Evan to shake. He does so, warily. “It’s great to meet you Evan! And you Jared!” 

Jared just blinks at him, unaccustomed to such cheeriness. He pulls out his phone, still trying to process how… energetic Gabe was.

**TO EVAN 12:04 PM** **_This dude is like barfing up rainbows and sunshine. I am so sorry for you._ **

Evan reads the message and has to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Gabe looks between them. “You’re texting about me, aren’t you?” He doesn’t seem angry, a little hurt maybe. 

“No,” Jared rushes to assure him, feeling slightly bad. “Evan just forgets to do things, like eat, sometimes, so I send him texts to act as reminders.” 

Evan blushes and lays down, burying his face in his blankets. 

“Oh! That’s okay though! You can come to the dining hall with me!” Gabe is so happy and optimistic about life that Jared wants to barf. Some part of Evan wants to be like that. He wants to be able to look at everything in his life and find something good about it. Although, he also suspects that looking at life like that, would be very exhausting. 

“Th-thanks,” Evan says, not bothering to move from his spot so his voice is really muffled. Jared climbs up the loft so he can look at Evan’s face.

“Ev, I’m going to go shower and change. Do you wanna just come with me?” He keeps his voice low, enjoying the way Evan smiles at the nickname.

“That would be preferable, yes.” He climbs down and grabs his school bag, awkwardly waving over his shoulder at Gabe as they leave. 

Jared pauses slighly on the way to his car, pulling Evan to a stop. 

“Listen, this isn’t as big of a deal now because dick is gone, but I was going to ask if over winter break you wanted to move in with me? I know it’s fast but I just--” He breaks off in frustration, trying to figure out how to put his feelings into words.

“I’d like that Jared,” Evan says softly, grabbing Jared’s hand and squeezing tightly. Jared’s returning smile is brighter than the sun in the sky and it makes Evan’s heart feel like it could burst. Maybe, with Jared around, he could learn to find good things everywhere.


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, this is it.  
> Thank goy to everyone who's taken the time to read this, and who's stuck with me though the angst and all of it.  
> This epilogue is my little apology for the angsty chapters.  
> So, buckle your seatbelts, get ready for some tooth-rotting fluff.  
> And, I'd really love it if you'd drop me a comment letting me know what you think, it makes my day knowing what you guys are thinking while/after reading my writing (PS if you can't think of anything to say, just tell me your favorite character or something)

The hardest thing about moving in with Jared, was telling Gabe. Over the past few months Evan had actually grown to like his roommate quite a bit. 

Jared was helping Evan move out of the dorms. He and Evan were loading up his new-to-him pickup truck. After getting tired of listening to him complain about all the maintenance he’d had to do on his car, his mom had taken him to a dealership and he’d worked a deal for this truck. 

Gabe had thrown his arms around Evan in what he’d called an ‘air hug’. After finding out that Evan didn’t like hugs, he started doing these ‘air hugs’ where he puts his arms around Evan while still leaving a generous amount of space between them. 

Evan pats his arm awkwardly. “Gabe you can come see us any--any time. And--and Daniel is right next door. Well--well, his building is--is at least.” 

“I know. But you were right there!” He flings his arm towards what was formerly Evan’s bed. 

“You’ll be fine. You’re gonna get a new--new roommate to bond--bond with.” 

Jared snorts from his spot in the door. “He’s just moving down the street. Is that the last box Ev?” he points towards the box sitting on what was Evan’s desk. 

“Yep. I’ll talk--talk to you later Gabe.” He waves over his shoulder as he follows Jared to the elevator. 

They pass Daniel and Liza as they were leaving. “Hey guys! Are you done moving now?” Daniel asks, looking like he was silently praying the answer would be yes. 

“Yes. You guys stalled long enough that we finished.” Jared snorts. He actually really liked Daniel and Liza, especially after they basically ‘adopted’ Gabe. It was funny how they basically treated him like their child. Or an annoying younger sibling. 

“Oh thank God,” Liza says, laughing. “We’re going to console him, but meet up for dinner later?” 

“Of course.” Evan had decided that he liked when he and Jared would go on double dates with Daniel and Liza. After they talked things over at Thanksgiving, Daniel had confided in Evan that he was going to propose to Liza before they graduate. Evan would like to marry Jared, but there was no way in hell he’d be able to propose. 

He’s pulled from his thoughts by Jared shifting the box to one arm and flinging his other arm around Evan’s shoulders. When he refocuses on the conversation he realizes that it had somehow changed to be about his and Jared’s relationship. How great it was that they were moving in together. 

Liza joked about them being like an old married couple and Jared squeezes Evan’s shoulders saying, “that’s going to be us one day. Just as soon as I can convince him to marry me.” It’s said in a joking tone, but it still sets Evan’s heart racing.

_ Did Jared just propose in front of our friends?  _ He knows that he’s probably been quiet for too long, or that his thoughts are racing across his face, but his brain can’t seem to let go of the thought. 

~~~

Living with Jared was the greatest thing ever. That’s what Evan decides after about a month. He was always there when Evan got stressed, and he seemed to know when Evan needed space, or a hug, or just some cuddles. 

On this particular morning, neither boy had an early class, so they were lazing around. Jared was making coffee when he suddenly turned to Evan. “Marry me,” he blurts, surprising both of them. 

All of Evan’s thoughts screech to a halt as he just stands there and blinks at Jared. “O-okay.” He laughs slightly. Did he and Jared just get engaged?

“I--I wasn’t really planning on proposing today so I don’t have a ring. And this was hardly the way I wanted to do things. But I just--you were there and you looked so happy and I’ve been wanting to ask for a while and--so--”

Evan cuts him off, “please tell me you were not about to apologize for asking me to marry you… after I said yes.” 

Jared bites his lip, looking at his feet. 

“What would you have said if I would have said no?” 

“I have no idea. Nothing probably. I probably would’ve cried or some shit. I don’t know. I’m going to do a do-over proposal when I have a ring.” Jared declares, still grinning when Evan comes over to kiss him. 

“That’s not necessary, but I know you well enough to know that trying to talk you out of it is a bad idea.” 

“Damn right.” Jared says, pulling him into another kiss.

~~~

Evan and Jared were out with Daniel and Liza, and Gabe and his new boyfriend Adam. Daniel knew what Jared was planning, but he was the only one in the loop. He’d helped Jared pick out a ring after all. When Jared called him a few weeks ago, panicking about picking out a ring for Evan and asking for help Daniel agreed to go with him, despite his confusion. After Jared had proposed to Evan a few months ago, he figured they’d go ring shopping together. Apparently not. 

The small box was burning a hole in Jared’s pocket. Ever since he picked it out, he’s wanted to ask Evan to marry him again. But he’d carefully planned out exactly how this evening would work, and he wasn’t going to ruin it with his excitement. 

Everyone was finished eating. It was time. Daniel does his part and orders a desert. Jared doesn’t even know what he orders, the rushing in his ears is too loud. 

“Evan,” he whispers, drawing the other boy’s attention. Jared slides off his chair and smoothly into kneeling right next to Evan’s chair. Daniel shushed everyone else at the table, grateful that Adam had the presence of mind to clap his hand over Gabe’s mouth before he could squeal. 

“Evan, I know I already asked you once and you said yes, but I wanted to do it right. With our friends, most of the people we care the most about, here with us. Things haven’t always been good. We’ve got our bad days and they’re horrible. But our good days, they’re worth their weight in gold. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. You said to me once, that when I stumbled back into your life, it was like everything in you sighed and said ‘oh, it’s you. I’ve been looking for you. I’m glad you’re home’.

“Well, now it’s my turn. Every time I look at you, my soul knows that it’s home. With you, I breathe a little easier. I feel like I could take on the world and win. So, make me the happiest man alive. Marry me?” Jared’s voice is watery and Adam was just barely keeping Gabe from jumping up and down and clapping.

When Jared looks at Evan’s face, he’s crying. He’s grinning, but crying all the same. “I love you so much, yes I’ll marry you,” he says, nodding furiously. 

Jared slips the ring onto his finger, letting Evan pull him up off the floor and into a crushing hug, followed by a fierce kiss. When they pull back, both boys are greeted by uproarious applause, most of it coming from their table. 

After a few moments of them blushing and holding on to each other for dear life, Adam lets go of Gabe, thinking that he’d probably be done being overzealously excited. He was wrong. 

Gabe jumped up, nearly launching himself across the table to hug Evan and Jared tightly. He was shrieking something in their ears that might’ve resembled words at a lower decibel. As it was, both boys had hands clamped over their ears, loudly begging Adam to come retrieve his excitable boyfriend. 

After dinner everyone parts ways, making Evan sigh gratefully. He loved their friends, it’s just that, they sometimes took a lot of energy, especially Gabe when he got excited. When they get back to their apartment Jared suggests calling their moms to tell them the news. Sighing again, Evan agrees. 

“We’ll make it quick.” Jared kisses him. “Promise.” 

They conference in both of their moms at the same time.

“Guys, we have news,” Jared says, pausing for dramatic effect when both of their moms demand to know. “Evan and I are officially engaged!” 

They squeal louder than Gabe did, making both boys wheel back from the phone and clutch their ears. 

“MOM!” They both chastise at the same time. It makes their moms laugh. 

“I’m happy for you guys! Can I help plan the wedding?” Jared’s mom asks.

“Me too!” Heidi squeals happily. 

The boys look at each other, confused about which thing Heidi said me too, to.

“Um, we’ll probably plan it ourselves.” Jared shrugs, looking to Evan for confirmation.

“Y-yeah. Not--Not that we wouldn’t like help with some things!” Evan hastens to add the last part after both of their moms make an unhappy noise. 

“Okay, well we’re tired so we’ll talk to you tomorrow when we come around to visit,” Jared says, noticing how Evan’s eyes were starting to droop. Their moms both give their respective goodbyes before hanging up. 

~~~

Oh. My. God. Evan cannot believe he is about to marry the love of his life. He cannot believe he is about to marry Jared Kleinman. They had planned, what was, for them, the perfect wedding. It was small, intimate, perfect. They’d taken a gamble and agreed to get married in the park. 

Evan was worried that he was going to sweat through his tux. He was in his old room in his mom’s house. There’s a knock at the door. Daniel had left about an hour ago to pick up Liza, then go to the airport to pick up Adam and Gabe. 

“Come in,” he calls, not taking a break from his pacing and staring at the floor. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve got cold feet.” Jared’s voice surprises him. He stops immediately and throws himself into Jared’s arms. 

“I thought it was bad luck to see me before the wedding?” Evan muses aloud, not loosening his hold on Jared.

“That’s just brides dummy,” Jared’s voice is fond as he pulls back to look at Evan. “You look amazing,” he whispers. 

Evan finally gets a good look at Jared’s tux. His mouth goes dry. “Th-thanks, you too,” he chokes out, jumping when the front door slams. Gabe appears in the doorway a moment later, holding a rather large bouquet of flowers. When he notices Jared, the flowers quickly turn into a weapon. He swats Jared repeatedly with the flowers, telling him that it’s bad luck and he needs to leave. Evan’s laughing until Jared uses him as a shield and he gets a face full of flowers. 

“It’ll be fine Gabe,” Evan assures him, holding his hands up to fend off any more flower-based attacks.

From the sour look on Gabe’s face, he can only assume Jared’s mocking him behind Evan’s back. 

“Jared. Knock it off.” 

“How did you know!? You can’t even see me!” 

Arms go around Evan from behind and he laughs. “I know you. And Gabe was making his angry face.” 

Jared grumbles something he doesn’t quite catch, but he lets the subject drop when Daniel comes to get them, saying it’s time to leave.

~~~

Evan and Jared skip graduation. They didn’t want to listen to the dean call ten thousand names when they really only care about six of them. So, naturally, they were all at Evan and Jared’s new apartment, drinking (Jared, Daniel, Gabe, and Adam) and playing scrabble (Evan and Liza). The other boys were banned from playing after a tipsy Jared suggested they play to see who could create the most obscene combination of words. 

After being kicked out of scrabble, Jared had powered up one of their gaming consoles and was starting up what was either a singing or a dancing game. As it turns out, it was a singing game. And, as it turns out, the only ones that could sing are Evan, Liza, and Adam. 

Before Jared can get too far past tipsy Evan switches him to water. They had to meet their moms for lunch at eleven tomorrow and he didn’t want Jared majorly hungover. Daniel and Liza were staying at her parents house while their apartment was being fumigated and Gabe and Adam were in town for a few more days and currently, they were sleeping on the couch that Jared brought back from his school apartment. As Evan looks around the room, he basks in the love of his friends and his husband. After three years, it still felt unreal to be able to say that about Jared, and he loved every minute of it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos make my day so let me know what you guys think!  
> This fic updates monday, wednesday, and friday!  
> If you want to request a fic or shout at me on tumblr, you can find me at jasnahkholin


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